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Switch to Forum Live View Ihe is the victim, or so he says
7 years ago  ::  Jan 08, 2008 - 9:21PM #41
shiloh43
Posts: 423
no they accepted the manuscript havent gotten money yet. and hes already wanting money, and then he is trying to get me not to do it, anything discouging me is what he does but yet he wants money to retire on. isnt that something? then while ago i said something about buying groceries next week and hes like dont tell me what to do with my money get out and get some up, and the house is in my name and you can go somewhere else, and stil no sex,
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 09, 2008 - 8:41AM #42
REteach
Posts: 14,796
So, go.  Get a job a McDonalds.  Go to legal aid and get started on a divorce.

If you choose to stay with him instead of toughing it out on your own, it is your choice.  If you would rather live there with him, than in a cheap efficiency of your own, it is a choice.  Try to the local domestic violence program if you need transition help. 

Remember every choice you are making is your choice.
I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize what you heard was not what I meant...
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 09, 2008 - 9:44AM #43
darcamani
Posts: 2,152
Shiloh;
I am going to reinforse what others' have said .

Taking ho;d of your life is entirely up to you.

You do not need money to get out and get help. 

Yes it is scary yet women do it every day and survive and move on often to much better lives.

Call the hotline, , while waiting for someone to come get you, get your birth certificate, social security card and any other i.d.  important phone numbers and if you have children , get their paperwork  together  too,  and the kids!  put it all in a ziplock freezer bag except the kids!  to keep it dry and keep it/them  with you at all times. 

The rest, bank account, place to live, job , car, etc... will come in time in no paticular order, once out, a whole bunch of agencies tend to jump in to assist.

It is all up to you. 

This may sound harsh but worry about the cat later.

Good luck

Dar
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 10, 2008 - 1:37AM #44
Butterfly313
Posts: 2
The 1st Law of Nature Is Self-Preservation-View your states website-There should be a domestic violence hotline- they will assist you with developing a plan to get out- Verbal abuse can be more harmful than physical abuse. You only have one mind and if you loose it, there is not a posthesis that can replace it-When you have an imbalance in your brain, it is distructive-Sorry to say, but sounds like he is Very INSECURE with Himself and the only way he can feel good about himself is to belittle you-He's the one with deeply-rooted concerns-that probably stem from childhood and has nothing to do with you.
Secretly he is probably jealous of you-Seek the support from your state I have one question, How were you able to write a book with the level of caos in your home?  Your writing probably servred as a therapy tool
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 10, 2008 - 9:05AM #45
shiloh43
Posts: 423
My writing is my therapy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!without it I would go insane i think, its helped me through losing my parents by writing poems about them and I ahve gotten paid for them, it helps more than people think it does and its alot better than paying someone 200.00 a hour for nothing other than to be told that what you are feeling isnt normal or whatever or you shouldnt feel that way. I would have decked someone had they told me that after my mom died. She died in a horrible car accident at 45. A police officer hit her while she was sitting off the road in a driveway delivering newspapers. Nothing ever happened to the guy. But I lost my mom and a best friend. Thats something that you just dont get over. So yes writing helps me get through alot of things. Yes, it gets rid of all the frusterations cause i dont think about it while I am writing thats my escape, and I am totally in to the characters and everything. I know that sounds strange. I got married without fulli knowing everything like 2 wifes and agirlfriend that was abused by him, he left out all of that until years later and the fact of how mean his mom and dad was. they used to throw cups at one another. Mom told me to divorce him before she died, but i was still to young and dumb not to do it, I wish i had now. thats my regret though. Its just taking me this long to get to correct it.
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 10, 2008 - 3:20PM #46
sterrettc
Posts: 89
shiloh,

I am very dedicated to the institution of marriage, but we must all recognize that sometimes marriages go bad and the vitality has left them.  From what you have written, that is the case with yours.  You do not give each other the mutual support that is crucial.  More to the point, it has become a venue for mental cruelty.  You owe it to yourself to get out, and the sooner the better.

If you get the advance on your book it will be a help, but you must also find a way to get what you need even if the advance does not come through.   I believe that, if you muster the strength to leave your husband, your family will be more supportive than you think.  Tell them about the hardship and that it hurt you to sell the heirlooms, but that your situation was desparate.  They may tell you you should have left him years ago, but you can be strong enough to see that they may be right.

As for being alone, I know what that means.  My wife and I had a wonderfully supportive marriage filled with love.  She died 17 months ago, leaving my house so full of her things and so empty of her.  You don't have to accept being alone as a permanent condition, but, I believe, that it is not until you accept being alone as something you can do that you will have the mental freedom to know whether someone new is a worthy companion.  When you do bind your life to another life it should be because of who they are and who you are with them and not because of who you are when you are alone.

So, again I say this: Get out, for your own sake, and get out soon.
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 10, 2008 - 5:17PM #47
shiloh43
Posts: 423
I am so sorry for your losss, I truly am, it must be very l;one;y for you, ,ome would not miss me at all, he would be enjoying the money to much and is always going on about that and how he could live for a good while, and about him retiring if my book makes it, knows nothing of a advance naturally and I will always hide money. My friend is going to show me how to do this kind of stuff, he knows how, he got rid of his ex wife first before starting his own buisness and he knows how to tell me how to do it. So i do have someone on myside. I trust him as much as i did my mom and thats saying alot.
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 10, 2008 - 3:20PM #48
sterrettc
Posts: 89
shiloh,

I am very dedicated to the institution of marriage, but we must all recognize that sometimes marriages go bad and the vitality has left them.  From what you have written, that is the case with yours.  You do not give each other the mutual support that is crucial.  More to the point, it has become a venue for mental cruelty.  You owe it to yourself to get out, and the sooner the better.

If you get the advance on your book it will be a help, but you must also find a way to get what you need even if the advance does not come through.   I believe that, if you muster the strength to leave your husband, your family will be more supportive than you think.  Tell them about the hardship and that it hurt you to sell the heirlooms, but that your situation was desparate.  They may tell you you should have left him years ago, but you can be strong enough to see that they may be right.

As for being alone, I know what that means.  My wife and I had a wonderfully supportive marriage filled with love.  She died 17 months ago, leaving my house so full of her things and so empty of her.  You don't have to accept being alone as a permanent condition, but, I believe, that it is not until you accept being alone as something you can do that you will have the mental freedom to know whether someone new is a worthy companion.  When you do bind your life to another life it should be because of who they are and who you are with them and not because of who you are when you are alone.

So, again I say this: Get out, for your own sake, and get out soon.
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 10, 2008 - 5:17PM #49
shiloh43
Posts: 423
I am so sorry for your losss, I truly am, it must be very l;one;y for you, ,ome would not miss me at all, he would be enjoying the money to much and is always going on about that and how he could live for a good while, and about him retiring if my book makes it, knows nothing of a advance naturally and I will always hide money. My friend is going to show me how to do this kind of stuff, he knows how, he got rid of his ex wife first before starting his own buisness and he knows how to tell me how to do it. So i do have someone on myside. I trust him as much as i did my mom and thats saying alot.
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