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Switch to Forum Live View "Real Men" vs "Real Women"
10 years ago  ::  Feb 14, 2008 - 1:26AM #101
Posts: 10
Hi, pretty new here, but on the original topic (since on the subject of the side-track I'm not sure I could be nice in my response on, therefore, I shall refrain)....

From a woman's perspective, I would have to say that I believe women judge other women's "womanness" just as much as men do to each other - it's just more subtle and underhanded.

Although I am happily married to a man, I have never been a "feminine" woman, and have had my "womanness" questioned on many, many occasions. A few reasons would include: I don't like how most women socialize, and tend to get along with men better than women; I do (and have generally) worked in very male-dominated career fields - law enforcement is my chosen profession; my hobbies are not very lady-like - I ride motorcycles (sport bikes), horses, and my martial art; I prefer comfortable clothes, which tend to not be very feminine; I do not want, and will not have any children; although I do have a soft spot for animals, I doubt anyone would say I was very nuturing, and I really am not a nuturer when it comes to people; I also did 8 1/2 years in the military, in a mechanical position.

I think that the way a woman is questioned is handled differently. They tend to poke and prod at the situation ("well, why don't you want kids," "what about all the women who can't have kids," "that's not very lady-like," - you get the idea) and basically look down their noses because one isn't feminine enough. Funny thing is, many of the guys seem to really respect that, although few have the strength to find it attractive in a relationship sort of way.

It seems that gender roles and traditions dictate whether one is a good man or woman, rather than focusing if someone is a good person, regardless of sex. I never really felt comfortable being born a girl, but I think a lot of that was the gender role I was expected to fall into. I wasn't supposed to enjoy climbing trees and playing in the mud, and I was supposed to like wearing dresses with flowers on them and playing with dolls (never have had a doll my entire life other than an Indiana Jones doll! :D ).

Yes, I was born a female and sexually speaking would fall along those lines. Beyond that, however, very little is common ground. I also have a male friend who is the opposite of myself - obviously born a guy, but tends to be much more sensitive and caring, dresses nicer, etc. He's gotten accused of being gay so many times it's not even funny, but we have had some good heart to heart talks, and he's far from it. Not that that would change our relationship, but I find it amusing that if someone doesn't fall along predetermined lines then they just must be on the other side!

Hmmm, I wrote a little more than I planned on, but oh, well!
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10 years ago  ::  Feb 14, 2008 - 3:18AM #102
Posts: 2,898
pj, you sound very much like a good friend of mine!

it's funny, i'm a hideously frilly girl. but i don't much either like the society of women. went to work in tech, and i am the only female in the office... which means i get to order the lunch sandwiches. bit annoying, but it is really better that way.

anyways, i'm not quite sure what it is i don't like. my eyes glaze over and i fall asleep. or... in my youth i worked in a couple of women's boutiques. they were so awful. in this one, the manager, owners, and buyers would sit in the office and viciously complain about everyone. all us clerks and the customers could hear them thru the walls. and they'd sort of go on little vendettas after working themselves into a frenzy.

now, where i work now, everyone complains about each other too. but it's quite different. decisions impacting business don't get made on the basis of the whinging sessions. people don't half-hide. if some is p.o.'d they will also take it to your face. there will be some yelling and then the winner wins, and that's it. over. a confrontation clears the air, as to opposed to being just one more maneuver in some neverending machiavellian game.

i suspect i have an autistic streak. the complexity of the social interaction is probably just beyond me.
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10 years ago  ::  Feb 14, 2008 - 8:09AM #103
Posts: 2,325
Unfortunately, in almost all of my attempts at relationships with women (I do have a couple of good female friends, but it has taken half a lifetime to accumulate them), I have been quite sure that they cared how clean my house is... It puts me off.
"Sometimes they are referred to as the 'radical Right.' But the fact is that there is nothing radical about them. They offer no novel solutions to the problems that plague them; indeed, they offer no solutions at all. They are immensely discontented with things as they are and furiously impatient with almost everyone in public office who can in any way be held responsible for their frustrations. But it cannot be said that they hold any clearly stated objectives or have any specific program either in common or individuals. They are fundamentally and temperamentally 'aginners.' And perhaps the commonest characteristic among them is anger. They can fairly be called, if nothing else, the Rampageous Right."

Alan Barth, New York Times, November 26, 1961
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10 years ago  ::  Feb 14, 2008 - 9:02AM #104
Posts: 5,267
I'm not the most 'girly' of girls either. I like makeup (to an extent) and body washes/sprays that smell good, but I am not really into crafts or cooking a whole lot, like other girls I know. I get along with men and women both. I am very attracted to men and used to be pretty flirtatious, but since I have gotten married I am not as flirty.  But some of the churches I was in before had a set mold they thought all women should fit into, and I was about as far from that mold as you can get. Some people made it sound like it was a 'phase' I was going through, that once I was closer to God and around the 'right' people, I would change to fit the mold. Nope!
More where that came from...

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10 years ago  ::  Feb 14, 2008 - 11:12PM #105
Posts: 60
You sound just like I do, Beautiful_Dreamer! I don't really have a point in telling you that, but reading your comment just gave me a pang of solidarity- it felt good :D

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10 years ago  ::  Feb 15, 2008 - 1:45AM #106
Posts: 171
You sound in many ways like my wife, who when I met her, dressed in what I called "lumberjack chic".
She's also a martial artist and goes deer hunting with me.
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10 years ago  ::  Feb 15, 2008 - 4:20AM #107
Posts: 10
Yup, I've gone hunting, and actually was a lumberjack for awhile :) My husband is great and loves me for who I am, and even seems relatively secure that I'm the one who wears the gun in the family (literally) - a lot of men really have trouble with that!

I enjoy looking like a girl, as long as I'm comfy - I do wear makeup to work, but not much outside of that. I don't cook (hubby does). And it's not that I don't get along with ANY women (not sure if that's the impression I gave), but I do tend to get along with my horsey friends much more so than other women. Seems like they are more down to earth and straight forward - probably because being any other way just doesn't work too well with horses!

It's nice to meet other ladies like myself :) I run into them occasionally in the horse and motorcycle communities, and there are some in my martial art (although moving across the country makes those friendships pretty hard to keep up!), but not too many I just get to chat with.
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8 years ago  ::  Jun 17, 2010 - 12:34PM #108
Posts: 287

Do many of you remember this old saying? Real men don't eat quiche..and real women don't pump their own gas!Laughing


I wish I grew up in the days when a man was a man and women loved them for it...political correctness, feminazis and a lot of other bulls**t has ruined relationships, the work place, marriage..oh well...this is progress...geeze... 

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