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Switch to Forum Live View 21 months without sex
6 years ago  ::  Dec 14, 2007 - 11:01AM #1
shiloh43
Posts: 423
Well yall this month it will be that long, Has anyone here ever been that long and be married and what were your thoughts when you were going through this frusterated period of your life. Did you get to where you just didnt care at all. I feel like that I am being forced to live a nuns life and I dont even know why. I am just throwing thisi question out there to see if theres anyone else who has been in this boat and what they did about it. i dont think this is fair to either one of us and he stil doesnt seem interested at all.
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6 years ago  ::  Dec 14, 2007 - 11:12AM #2
qtbabe
Posts: 823
Dear Shilo,

You gotta get that lover soon.  I am sorry that you've been in this situation for a long time.  I had been in your situation more than 21 months.  Actually it was 5 yrs without sex and was married on the paper but we lived in the same different room.  I was very busy with work.  I worked 14 hrs/day then worked out at the gym for 2hrs.  So, most of my time, I were thinking about my projects and deadlines and didn't even have time for anything else.  So that helped me a lot of not thinking about sex, but the craving was there and leaded me to the dark.

For your situation, I've been following your thread but didn't have any encourage words to write to you earlier.  But as today, I think you should tell your hubby that you ended your relationship with him and just called your friend and DO IT! life is too short, you don't know what will happen to you or your friend.  However, with that said, I would advice you to take the consequences for your actions after that as well....

I wish you the best and be happy...
QT:)
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6 years ago  ::  Dec 14, 2007 - 11:21AM #3
shiloh43
Posts: 423
Thank you Q t, finally someone that understands me. I have emailed my friend this morning but i am I guessing that hes not in yet  to his office or that hes very busy. I am hoping that i will hear from soon before i leave this place. But 9if not I will figure out something. I am terrible frusterated as you can imagine. Did you ever find out why you wasnt having sex with that man for that long?
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6 years ago  ::  Dec 14, 2007 - 11:53AM #4
VG59
Posts: 3,368
However read the ORDER in which QT is advising you to do this. 

FIRST talk to your husband, resolve/dissolve your situation/comittments to him.

THEN go and find a new lover. 

I would suggest there is a whole lot more to this situation than you have expressed, but it is clear you have been asking people for permission to have an affair. 

I am of the belief that you need to take care of things at home before you complicate your life further.
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6 years ago  ::  Dec 14, 2007 - 1:52PM #5
REteach
Posts: 13,548
Are you sure that he is sexually interested in women?

Has he had a physical?  Are his testosterone levels OK?  Thyroid?  Does his "plumbing" actually work--sometimes with hypertension and diabetes it quits.  Some meds depress libido.
I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize what you heard was not what I meant...
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6 years ago  ::  Dec 14, 2007 - 6:09PM #6
cultresearcher
Posts: 849
i don't know the name of the person who is that is the author of this subject but i will say is this 21 months is nothing try going for years. now that takes some self control.  maybe your husband has a medical problem or something like high colesteral perhaps.
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6 years ago  ::  Dec 14, 2007 - 6:17PM #7
cultresearcher
Posts: 849
[QUOTE=shiloh43;138923]Well yall this month it will be that long, Has anyone here ever been that long and be married and what were your thoughts when you were going through this frusterated period of your life. Did you get to where you just didnt care at all. I feel like that I am being forced to live a nuns life and I dont even know why. I am just throwing thisi question out there to see if theres anyone else who has been in this boat and what they did about it. i dont think this is fair to either one of us and he stil doesnt seem interested at all.[/QUOTE]
unlike qt i would never encourage anyone to commit adultery. why not talk to him and find out what the matter.  maybe he doesn't want to do the deedwith u is because u got him to go against his conscience.  that also plays a huge part in the act as well.  i read that in a book for a paper that i am doing in this area.  to tell u the truth if i had a choice when i was assigned this topic i would have dropped out of school.
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6 years ago  ::  Dec 14, 2007 - 9:08PM #8
DustyLady
Posts: 430
Shiloh, I think you'll understand that I've totally lost sympathy for you.  You have gone on, at considerable length, about your problem on several other boards here, for over a year now.  Many people have offered you advice, but all you can do is to tell us how all of these many different possible solutions can't possibly work for you.

I tried to understand and to offer you help.  But I give up.  Because it won't matter what I say, you won't listen.

Dusty
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6 years ago  ::  Dec 15, 2007 - 11:17AM #9
shiloh43
Posts: 423
I dont think it has anything to do with medical. I mean he wont take his blood pressure medicine and will not even ask the doctor for any thing that wil help that, and most men wil run screaming to a doctor when that happens. I think its a control issue myself and its just another way to be mean and controlling and yes its been like this for years, so its nothing youy its just gotten further and further apart, of course now being made to feel like this i dont care for him to touch me like that and he doesnt try. I did start to say something to him this morning about it, but didnt cause i figured that it was useless. I did however tell my friend that i am going to leave him as soon as i get stuff together, but i told him it was for me and what was in my best interest, cause i have always heard that a man doesnt like to be told that a woman is just leaving for him. Is that right? So I am intended on doing this. every once in awhile he will say are you taking your cat when you leave? I dont say anything to that, but yet I dont see him trying to improve on anything either or be nore romantic or anything which tells me hes not worried about it. what do yall think. I am getting a plan together Dusty but it takes time to do it and  I do listen to yall. I am just trying to figure out things is all.
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6 years ago  ::  Dec 15, 2007 - 7:25PM #10
REteach
Posts: 13,548
I don't like adultery.  If you can no longer live with your husband, leave him before starting something with anyone else.  Have the courage of your convictions.
I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize what you heard was not what I meant...
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