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Switch to Forum Live View Ask an Apologist: Should we let our children play with a lesbian couple's child?
6 years ago  ::  Oct 28, 2007 - 9:56AM #1
White-Dove
Posts: 558
Another burning question answered!!

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Should we let our children play with a lesbian couple's child? 


  #1    Oct 8, '07, 6:52 pm 
denfather 
Junior Member   Join Date: February 6, 2006
Posts: 9 

Should we let our children play with a lesbian couple's child?

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My wife and I have treated the two women next door with dignity and respect. We've never been judgmental or made any hurtful comments toward them although we disagree with their lifestyle.
My wife is more conversational to them, I'm a little bit more standoffish. Our children play with their daughter and they haven't inquired about why the girl next door has a "mom" and an "aunt."

Our question is, when should we mention to our children the "truth"? They are 10, 8, and 7. Or will there ever be an appropriate time to discuss? Is it wrong to allow my children to play with their child or should I have reservations and/or fear about this? I realize we shouldn't be accepting of the behavior but how do we proceed?

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Last edited by Michelle Arnold : Oct 9, '07 at 4:42 pm. 



  #2    Oct 9, '07, 4:40 pm 
Michelle Arnold 
Catholic Answers Apologist   Join Date: May 3, 2004
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 2,239 

Re: Should we let our children play with a lesbian couple's child?

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Regarding your first question, only you can decide when your children need to know about the relationship between the next-door neighbors. As a rule of thumb, parents ordinarily should be concerned to protect the innocence of their children and to avoid, if possible, raising questions for them that they have not asked. If your children are unaware that there is anything more to this family arrangement than a "mom" and "aunt" living in the same house and caring for their friend, there doesn't seem to be any reason right now to enlighten them.

Regarding your second question, it is not wrong to allow your children to play with your neighbors' child. The child is an innocent and should not be ostracized because of the lifestyle of the women who are her guardians. There would only be a problem if these women tried to proselytize your children into believing that homosexuality is just another "alternative lifestyle" choice. Since your children do not have any knowledge of the women's sexuality and believe that they are merely their friend's mother and aunt, it does not appear that your children have been proselytized. I would recommend keeping a close eye on the situation though. Also, given that some homosexuals also engage in other destructive behaviors besides homosexual sex, it might also be wise to consider restricting playdates (unless you will also be present) and sleepovers to your own house.
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 28, 2007 - 11:35AM #2
nieciedo
Posts: 5,617
If your point is critiquing the advice that this Catholic clergyman gives to Catholics asking him questions, wouldn't the Catholicism "Discussion, Dialogue, and Debate" forum be a better place?

Otherwise, I'm not sure I get the point.
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 28, 2007 - 11:41AM #3
nieciedo
Posts: 5,617
Alternatively, if the issue is the shocking and offensive ignorance displayed by this man of the cloth, then perhaps the "Homosexuality" board is the place to go.

One can only speculate what "destructive behaviors" the fevered imagination of a celibate man, trained to view sex as dirty and sinful, might concoct.
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 28, 2007 - 11:47AM #4
White-Dove
Posts: 558
[QUOTE=nieciedo;27896]If your point is critiquing the advice that this Catholic clergyman gives to Catholics asking him questions, wouldn't the Catholicism "Discussion, Dialogue, and Debate" forum be a better place?

Otherwise, I'm not sure I get the point.[/QUOTE]

Er, last I checked Catholics were Christians...  ;)
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 28, 2007 - 1:11PM #5
wohali
Posts: 10,227

White-Dove wrote:

Er, last I checked Catholics were Christians... ;)



Not according to some "real Christians" here................:cool:

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6 years ago  ::  Oct 28, 2007 - 2:14PM #6
Xristocharis
Posts: 5,051
I've usually found that the "Real Christians(TM)" also tend to be the ones furthest away from traditional Christian practice and orthodoxy.

So what does that say?

-Jon
"When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist." - Dom Hélder Câmara
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 28, 2007 - 2:59PM #7
SquirleyWurley
Posts: 1,970
I think the advice would have been quite good if only the comment about 'destructive behaviors' was left out in favor of a more general caution about ANY child left unsupervised with adults.  People are afraid of lots of alternative people because of concerns of drugs, S/M, psychological problems, etc.  I am afraid of lots of religious and conservative people for the same reasons (Rush Limbaugh is a drug addict, for example, and Bush excused torture in the "war on terror", and anyhow the statistics generally indicate that sadomasochism and drug use/abuse exists in all segments of society).

Aside from that, I'm unclear what prozelytizing means in this context.  It seems that the issue is whether or not the lesbian couple would say something about god/the Bible and homosexuality  -- if that was clarified I would understand better the point that was made.  I would also add that if my neice (she has two mommies) were spending the night at a religious and/or heterosexual house, I would be concerned about anti-homosexual or pro-religious prozelytizing, and about the potential for destructive behaviors from either spouse or other sisters/brothers.  Gay people are under no obligation to present themselves as 'destructive' or 'degenerate' or 'sinful', and if asked, SHOULD respond that they are not monsters or whatnot, to enlighten anyone who is confused on that issue -- that's different from proselytizing, that's self-defense from defamation of character.

The advice wasn't bad, and I think in a lot of ways, assumptions were avoided and fairness was the intent.  But as a gay atheist, I'm sensitive to those assumptions and wording issues that indicate some distortions.
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 28, 2007 - 3:26PM #8
White-Dove
Posts: 558
Squirrley--- a very well reasoned and balanced reply, thanks for the imput!
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 28, 2007 - 3:37PM #9
shirleyj227
Posts: 10,952
what would you do Dove?

Shirley
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 28, 2007 - 3:50PM #10
White-Dove
Posts: 558
[QUOTE=shirleyj227;28281]what would you do Dove?

Shirley[/QUOTE]

Depends on the children and how they behaved. If they were brats, I would discourage it, if they were well behaved then I would allow it. Neighbor kids can be a troublesome situation sometimes, they can really be a PITA :rolleyes: Hopefully the parents aren't on some sort of crusade, I wouldn't like that in any case.
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