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6 years ago  ::  Oct 20, 2007 - 6:22PM #1
Precious
Posts: 1
So My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years now and we love each other very much we are both nurses and in school still for our practitioners, We are veryt responsible and educated . Next summer I was invited to a family hiking trip with his whole family for 5 days  to his grandparents house for their anniversary, This is in alaska his hometown , Im am a New Yorker with very liberal views yet conservative. They are very northern baptist next summer we will be dating for over 3 years when this happens , We are planning on getting married in 3-4 years but school and money are tight until then there is no rush we know we will be together. My boyfriends 18 yr old brother is getting married in december to his 18 yr od girlfriend which they have only been  dating for 6 months as of now at the time of the trip they will be married yet only together for 14 months all together . During the trip we feel there will be an issue with my BF and I leeping together in the same tent, This is frustrating bc we both live in NY and lived together for a year in the beinging of our relationship w/o his family knowing, How is this right?  My bf and I feel marriage at this point in our marriage is really just paper work bc we feel we have already made our commintment,  There is also a little issue that I may be able to get over but it will take time- I have never been to alaska and never been camping expecially camping for 5 days in the real wilderness and they all are very educated will guns and protection and basic facts of survival and I feel basically scared ..... to be sleeping alone -  When we stay at his grandparents and his parents house we will respect their wishes its their house but out in the wilderness in tents (where by the way this is not about premarital relations ) Its about never meeting any of his family and having to be the outcast and staying in a new situatuiion that im not very comfortable without my amazing boy friend ....... Any ideas?>Thanks ! I apprieciate your time and comments....
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 20, 2007 - 9:16PM #2
IHOP
Posts: 2,180
For one thing, between now and then you two go on a camping trip for a weekend, and let him teach you the ropes.

As far as the sleeping arrangements go.... I'm glad to see that you will be willing to follow their wishes in their house.  Ask him what he wants to do about the tent situation though.

You all could arrive at the trip with a tent that is obviously big enough for two, both of you work at setting it up, and just settle in.  If anyone says anything, you can say "yeah we JUST bought this tent for the trip" or something to that effect.

good luck!
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 21, 2007 - 11:47AM #3
hm2menger
Posts: 171
You could also, point out, as you have here, that the issue isn't sex, (my guess is that a thin tent wall or to between you and the family may share more of the sounds of your sex life than you'd want anyway) but rather your fear of the lions and tigers and bears, oh my.!
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 21, 2007 - 6:58PM #4
DotNotInOz
Posts: 6,832
Definitely, I'd ask your boyfriend to take you on a few weekend camping trips in areas as similar to where the family trip will occur as you can manage in NY state. If you've never been camping and are going to be sleeping in a tent in a place you've never been before, you will be very grateful indeed for a few practice sessions in advance.

Otherwise, I think you're going to be in for quite an adjustment, to put it mildly.

When you say "hiking trip," are they talking backpacking? Or are they going to drive somewhere, set up camp and then do hikes from the camp? Will the tent sites be in the wilderness or in campgrounds with flush toilets and shower facilities nearby? (I'm here to tell ya that getting your period out in the wilderness is not at all fun to deal with, for instance. And you haven't had fun until you've had to dig a hole to bury your own excrement and bag used toilet tissue for packing out with you to prevent attracting wild animals.)

I don't think that your first time meeting your BF's extended family is a good one to push the issue of the two of you sharing a tent unless he's pretty sure that it won't cause an uproar, particularly when the occasion is his grandparents' anniversary. Does he have female cousins near your age that could share a tent with you and clue you in on how the family does things? That might be a better solution if possible.
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 21, 2007 - 7:08PM #5
DotNotInOz
Posts: 6,832
Definitely, I'd ask your boyfriend to take you on a few weekend camping trips in areas as similar to where the family trip will occur as you can manage in NY state. If you've never been camping and are going to be sleeping in a tent in a place you've never been before, you will be very grateful indeed for a few practice sessions in advance.

Otherwise, I think you're going to be in for quite an adjustment, to put it mildly.

It sounds from what you say that this family is intent upon really roughing it. I assume that they backpack everything into the wilderness rather than putting up tents in a campground that has flush toilets and shower facilities nearby? If so, you absolutely need to have had some similar trips with your boyfriend before attempting five days in such conditions with a bunch of people you've never met. (I'm here to tell ya that getting your period out in the wilderness can be a major hassle, for instance. And you haven't had real fun until you've had to dig a hole to bury your own excrement and bag used toilet tissue for packing out with you to be ecological.)

I don't think that your first time meeting your BF's extended family is a good one to push the issue of the two of you sharing a tent unless he's pretty sure that it won't cause an uproar, particularly when the occasion is his grandparents' anniversary. Does he have female cousins near your age that could share a tent with you and help you? That might be a better solution if possible.
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 21, 2007 - 7:12PM #6
DotNotInOz
Posts: 6,832
Definitely, I'd ask your boyfriend to take you on at least some weekend camping trips in areas as similar to where the family trip will occur as you can manage in NY state. If you've never been camping and are going to be sleeping in a tent in a place you've never been before, you will be very grateful indeed for practice sessions in advance.

Otherwise, I think you're going to be in for quite an adjustment, to put it mildly.

It sounds from what you say that this family is intent upon really roughing it. I assume that they backpack everything into the wilderness rather than putting up tents in a campground that has flush toilets and shower facilities nearby? If so, you absolutely need to have had some similar trips with your boyfriend before attempting five days in such conditions with a bunch of people you've never met. (I'm here to tell ya that getting your period in the wilderness can be a major hassle, for instance. And you haven't had real fun until you've had to dig a hole to bury your own excrement and bag used toilet tissue for packing out with you to be ecological.)

I don't think that your first time meeting your BF's extended family is a good one to push the issue of the two of you sharing a tent unless he's pretty sure that it won't cause an uproar, particularly when the occasion is his grandparents' anniversary. Does he have female cousins near your age that could share a tent with you and help you? That might be a better solution if possible.
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 21, 2007 - 8:28PM #7
doxieman122
Posts: 488
Presumably there are going to be other people in other tents around who would hear any in flagrante dilecto action.  And presumably there are going to be TWO sleeping bags.

I honestly don't see this as a sexual ethics question, but rather your prospective in-laws' trust of you and your fears of sleeping alone in the wilderness.  Important issues, but not really involving sex.
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 23, 2007 - 1:30PM #8
Zalokar62
Posts: 13
Hi
Sounds like there are two issues going on here:

1) Never camping before. A couple of trial camping runs would remedy that one.
2) The state of your relationship in th eyes of his family. The two of you have been together for awhile now yet you held off telling his family that you lived together.

What gives?

David
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 23, 2007 - 1:30PM #9
Zalokar62
Posts: 13
Hi
Sounds like there are two issues going on here:

1) Never camping before. A couple of trial camping runs would remedy that one.
2) The state of your relationship in th eyes of his family. The two of you have been together for awhile now yet you held off telling his family that you lived together.

What gives?

David
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 23, 2007 - 5:02PM #10
javababe
Posts: 40
THis is one of the reasons that many folks (especially women) get married too soon, or stay in unhealthy relationships. Christians tend to push the issue of sex within the confines of marriage. Sex is a primal force that we all need to learn to tame and direct and to behave responsibly. If a woman feels that she cannot have multiple, loving,fun, sexual experiences unless shes married, she will latch on to most any guy at whatever cost. Ive seen it too many times within the church. (this is what I thought while reading about your bf's younger bro and his gf) both are clearly far too young to make such a commitment! BUT, because hormones rage and they think they are 'in love', they go to marriage, sanctioned by the pristine adults around them. *gag*  I say this coming from a fundamentalist christian background. Ive changed my view of sex and feel that we are among many others things, sexual beings. I  like the idea of being free to make my own choices about when, where and with whom I can have sex.  i have been in commited monogomous relationships, had lovers, and have been celibate for very long periods of time.  Enough said about that. I will say, however, that the tent arrangement should be honestly discussed with your inlaws. Since they have invited you on this trip, I would make an effort to respect their boundaries regarding sex outside of marriage. If you find this contrary to your personal beliefs, your bf needs to step up and talk honestly with his family about HIS choice to be in a sexual relationship with you.  As for the camping, I grew up in the pacific northwest, camped in the desert, mountains, and near the beach. Its loads of fun. Relax. Let hot showers go by the wayside and learn to appreciate the beauty and nightsounds that envelopes you at night. FYI, the worst critter attacks are usually racoons trying to break into your food pack! *Peace*
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