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Switch to Forum Live View Is Marriage worth the risk?
3 years ago  ::  Jun 05, 2014 - 4:58PM #1
rideronthastorm
Posts: 9,223

Ive been wathcing the Investigation Discovery channel for while now and have figured some things out. Getting married instead of being in a live in situation for a long term relationship is highly risky.


Ive seen too many true crime shows where someone got married so they could file a life insurnace policy and kill the other person for that. Some turn out to be polygamists with other wives.   Some are con and scam artists who take over the bank account of the other.


Some people are wife beaters who lull their spouses into a sense of codependancy to get them into their control.


Im sure there are some Christians and pro marriage people who will say its more dangerous not to be married or the statistics are the same for live in relationship as a marriage crime happening.
 ID says not so and if you look at it it makes sense.


You have to be married to get a life insurance policy. Its easier to get a hold of the bank account with someone who is married.


Theres a ton of stories and I do mean a ton where people have to get divorced, either because of an affair one finds out about it and the man or woman finds out their gonna lose a bunch of money because of the DIVORCE and kills over a divorce.


Abuse happens because of divorce, financial ruin also happens because of divorce.


Heres another scary fact for you. Wife beaters dont move in and live together with their mate. If they have them bonded to them they feel more in control. Its easier to leave a situation if your not married but if your married to them your family and church is going to pressure you to stay married quite often.


Con artists and scam artists at dating websights have tried to get together with me but always drop after they find out Im not inetrested in marriage, theyre not really interested in amyone who doesnt want to be married period, thats all there is to it.
            


IMOHO Marriage is not worth the risk.

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3 years ago  ::  Jun 09, 2014 - 9:56PM #2
REteach
Posts: 16,577

36 years last month. Definitely worth it. 

I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize what you heard was not what I meant...
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3 years ago  ::  Jun 26, 2014 - 6:18PM #3
rideronthastorm
Posts: 9,223

So I had a guy on OK Cupid who said he was interested in a relationship and I said No Im not he said hed go real slow. i said well Ive got mental health issues Id have to go real slow be good friends at first friends only then work my way into it. He said he travels alot for his work and he has to take things real slow too. SO I said great.


 


He told me he was a Christian looking for marriage in the end. I said if your real conservative IM not for you, Im in the UU church. He started to preach at me. He said My God is this and this and that he sounded like some of my conservative family preaching at me.


 I started to go away and he said wait no I changed my mind look Im a Christian and I can serve God anywhere.Even in a UU church so lets go shead with our relationship. So we started talking and he didnt really tell me much about himself but wanted to know all about me.


I told him about my mental health issues and he seemed to get excited about my mental health issues at which times I started seeing a red flag, but the wrong red flad. When someone gets excited and happy about my mental health issues I start thinking, hes a serial killer, rapist, or wife beater one...............'


 


ANyways he didnt talk much about him just wanted to know about me. I asked him at one point if he had a learning disability and he said no, he did misspell words alot and also didnt say  much. So I actually thought maybe he was mentally challeneged. Anyways he said no he wasnt learning disabled, he probably shouldve lied to me in retrospect as far as his actual goals went it wouldve put him in a way better light with me. I also now believe this guy was from another country speaking  adifferent language.


 


But he stopped talking to me once and said because of his travel distance and issues with his phone he had stopped talking to me. ABout this time uh I decided something was wrong with this situation something I just couldnt figure it out. All I knew was there were red flags there for something.


ANyways and I started ignoring him. he didnt talk much so i responded by not talking hed say hi and Id say hi or talk to someone else. Im polyamourous so iwas actually talking to another ok cupid guy at this time.


The other guy got in touch with me again and I said so why dont we meet in a public place so we can get to know each othyer better. I just thought maybe I if I meet him in public his red flag signs will clear up or maybe I can figure out whats wrong with him and tell him to drop me so.


 


He then said Uh no, I cant for awhile Im traveling and cant get over to you now.


SO I was like bye ttyl. Then nothing and I moved on was talking to of my other guyfriends and the guy got into contact with me again.  I said I thoguht you moved on. He said "What no, Ive had issues with my phone again and I said "When can  we meet?" He said "You know I cant Im traveling."


 I just finally said "Look Im talking to another guy now, if your interetsed in me make a date and show up talk to me in person. Other wise i guess well just be chat buddys only. Is that what you want? Maybe thats why you dont want to meet me your just looking for a chat buddy and hey thats cool I love cell phone chat buddys. ill just have to talk when I can Ive got other guyfriends."


I also tried to get him on the phone to talk to me on the phone he wouldnt allow me to do it and would say his phone is acting up and I suspected he then had an accent and was lieing about it because of that as well.


 


 He was completely shocked" Youve got other guyfriends? i want to be ina  relationship with you!". Its embarrassing and humliating to admit all this but as embarrassing as it was I actually got a kick out of it. I started laughing manically ROTFLMAO WERE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP DUDE I HAVNT EVEN MET YOU WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT>>>>>>>>>>>HAHAHAHAHAHAHA


I love it I ust laughed and laughed...................................anyways he said " But you know I have to travel I cant meet you its not fair". I said "Well hey if you cant meet me its not my fault thats your deal dude"


 He responded " Well lets you and me put our heads together and figure out a way you can get me to come to you and see you can figure out how I can work it out ok" AT that point the gig was up I figured out what his game and con was . I told him " Im not helping you with nothing get the heck away from me now and stop contacting me and he did.


Im very lucky and Im not giving out my cell number anymore its just too dangerous.


 


But yes he was trying to pull off the con scam of and also Ok cupid has sent me out warnings about this con, the one where they claim to be stuck in another country and they need you to send them money to get them home to you.


They try to convince you your in a LONGTERM MONOGOMOUS (AHEM COUGHING RIGHT NOW)MONOGOMOUS RELATIONSHIP with them and are going to get married to them. This is before you ever meet them. Of course they pick on big fat older ladies like me because they think were desperate and have low self esteems.


But you see the whole gig here is that he targeted someone he wanted to convince me that we were going to get married. So it takes someone whos interested in being married and a conservative Christian bottom line, without the long term relationship he couldnt con anyone.


WIthout the promise of marriage the con doesnt work.


 


Yall wonder why Im so into the Polyamoruous thing we POlys cant be conned or scammed as far as scams that use Long term relationships and or marriage goes depending on what kind of Poly we are but mostly no they dont want polys they dont certainly dont want other people in on the relatiship.Con artists dont want us they have to have a mongomous marital relationship for their con to work bottom line.


 


Its not flattering that a con artists targeted me but I can say proudly that Im smart enough to have seen red flags and that was the only time I tried to consider  along term relationship. This year and it was stupid and IM not doing it again its bad news........................ but Im happy with myself that I figured him out and laughed him out of my orbit


I still cant believe that relationship bit do women actually fall for that? They believe their in a relationship with someone thyeve never seen before? LMAO Its the best biggest laugh Ive had all year still laughing about it ROFLMAO<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< HAHAHAHAHAHAHA CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN MAN TRYING TO CONVINCE ME HE WANTS A RELATIONSHIP.


 LMAO sorry dont take offence if your Christian because obviously this man was no Christian but he used that as a part of his scam you see and Im gonna put up another thread about that.


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 

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2 years ago  ::  Feb 19, 2015 - 12:38PM #4
MarleneEmmett5
Posts: 1,799

Rideronthestorm:
You ask if marriage is worth it?
Yes,it's worth it.....I litterly took a leap of faith when I went on a blind date
with some who called up looking for someone who used to work with me.

Thirteen days later this man proposed to me over the phone........
"i can really see myself spending my life with you!"

I was in total shock....and sometimes I still don't beleive it.
But on February 19,1978 we were married
And today we are celebrating our 37th Wedding Anniversary!!!!!

Things have not always been all flowers & champagne
But we work things out.......
We have the support of our family/friends and we are there for them.

Today he suprised me with a truely beautiful card.....
I know it was from the heart. And in the last two weeks we've
gone thru hell and back,losing four loved ones....his mom,brother
and two aunts........I love you Andrew Folger Emmett....

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2 years ago  ::  May 04, 2015 - 4:56PM #5
rangerken
Posts: 16,967

Is marriage worth the risk? That depends on what the risk or risks are. My parents were married for 60 years and Mom outlived Dad thirteen years. Dad made suire she had the income from around 15 million dollars to continue her comfortable lifestyle. Mom understood that she would be well provided for...and always was during what was a happy marriage...and dad was always careful to keep whoever his current mistress at the time well separate from the family. Of course Mom knew...just as my wife of 42 years...so far... knows about mine in that I have one, or two...but NEVER intruding into the family. My wife and kids are well provided for, and pre-nuptial agreements, etc, and good lawyers are worth their cost when you are wealthy and wish to enjoy life and not be limited to a boring sex life as your mate ages. Life can be very unfair to women I suppose...because after all, the statement hated by feminists...'an ugly old rich man is...a rich man'... is and always has been true. It does NOT work the other way.  And since neither my father nor I were/are at all ugly, as he aged and I age, but he was and I am quite 'rich', and quite fit... like my father I thoroughly enjoy pleasant fenale companionship of women in their thirties and forties... and I NEVER lie to them about getting divorced. Why would I want to do that? Good looking, sexually skilled women who are eager to have their lives improved by being a rich man's girl toy are very easy to find. And sure, that is totally sexist...also totally true!


Check out this article... why-men-wont-marry. 



It's quite accurate for most men who do not happen to be among the one percent...which, I am happy to say, like my father, and father-in-law, and grandfathers when all were alive, I most certainly am in that elite group .


Marriage is a great institution. I will leave my wife...whom I do love, just not sexually too much anymore... well off when I die. My children are well provided for, and any grand children will be (if my son and daughter-in-law ever start reproducing!!!)  I'd have a snall harem if i had the time and inclination to deal with that... but one sometimes demanding female is enough. Of course they don't ever get too demanding because then I trade one in for a new one. On average I keep a mistress (and that's in the European sense, NOT in the sadism/masochism nonsense sense) for three or four years though I did keep one for five years while she was finishing her phd.... fine lady and I'm God Father to her second son from her own marriage.


Remember the saying that goes... 'the rich are different from you and me'... Well, it's true. We are, including regarding marriage for most of us...not all, but most.


Have fun with this post... it's all quite true... and I've been around Belifnet long enough to know that it may cause some most enjoyable shrieking, laughter, agreement by some, and accusations of whatever from others... LOL indeed :-)


Ken

Libertarian, Conservative, Life member of the NRA and VFW
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2 years ago  ::  May 05, 2015 - 12:13AM #6
rideronthastorm
Posts: 9,223

Well I usually dont give myself credit for my looks,I do have an unusually young looking face most men take me for being about 30 or 35 even though Im 48.


However I think I was thinking he chose me more for my obesity because I did weigh 347 at the picture he was looking at me. Im down to 306 now and going down.


 AT the old folks home Ive had a couple of people even refer to me as baby girl.But anyways yea sometimes men older men look at me wink and flirt which is nice.


But I cant date while Im at this weight. Im also a recovering sex addict and addicted to Polyamoury so I cant be in a polyamourous sitaution anymore ;I need to wait till I have a year of sobriety before Im in a relationship;


However,If I get my weight down and stay attarctive enough to attract someone to me; I will keep an open mind about affairs and Polyamoury.


If he wants to be Polyamourus while I stay monogomous I might could handle it. Lets just say if I marry a recovering sex addict man or have any monogomous relationship though;


theres going to be an agreement. If he relapsed in his addiction or having an affair on me I want him to tell me upfront and i wont get mad and I wont leave him.


I get really scared when I see affairs on tv when people on Investigation Discovery get killed because of affairs. Im going to tell him he should just tell me about it i wont get mad I wont leave I just want him to let me know where he is so i wont worry about it.


BTW I like older men. You know when I was in my addiction I went to see this guy who took me straight back to his apartment who was an older ugly man and I just knew I was going to regret it and be disgusted. NOPE.


I got back there the guy had been married a million years and he knew what he was doing in bed, he kissed me the best kiss Ive ever had he was my best lover actually.


SO I learned that age and looks dont really matter its more what he can do in the bedroom and his mannerisms in bed so.I imagine if your fit your probably having a good time anyways.


But No i wouldnt have a problem with my man taking  a mistress as long as he was honest about it let me know.


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2 years ago  ::  May 05, 2015 - 12:31AM #7
rideronthastorm
Posts: 9,223

Actually i just read the article. Im not worried about being alone I wasnt when i wrote the article. I was just wondering with all the divorces and messed relationships cons scams and murders that have taken place too how safe is marriage?


But I also believed that most married men would hide their affairs and it was eaiser for me to trust Polyamourous men to be honest with me when i wrote the original post.


But I havnt had an issue with not attracting men because of my age, actually I have 3 guyfriends one of which I go out with on a platonic basis once a month:


 So Im not really alone right now. But that being said I mean I usually have one or two men interested in me my sisters have offered to set me up with.


But; at this weight for one thing I need to lose alot before Im ready for sex and need to be sober from my porn and sex addiction one year first, Ive got almost 4 months of sobriety.


But Ive changed I can see being in a mongomous situation, but Im not expecting to get married, like I said if he wants to be free to have mistresses or Poly partners its ok with me.

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2 years ago  ::  May 05, 2015 - 7:30AM #8
rideronthastorm
Posts: 9,223

Yea I know Im spineless and too submissive around men maybe.



I just have a hard time trusting men. But maybe if I meet the right person Ill become more trusting.


But Id rather have someone tell me the truth upfront imstead of going behind my back to hide it.

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2 years ago  ::  May 05, 2015 - 10:56PM #9
rideronthastorm
Posts: 9,223

I apologize to you I should not be talking to you about having affairs and mistresses it could triggar me to fall into my addiction,so. But if your happy with your life then kudos for you. I just dont need to talk about it Im sorry if Ive offended you in any ways.

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2 years ago  ::  Jun 27, 2015 - 10:01AM #10
mariamadrish
Posts: 6

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