Several posters here know that I was widowed a few years ago (it will be five years in June). I have been blessed with a great deal of loving support and care by both family and friends. But sometimes, I feel they overdo it.

I'd like to get some opinions from people here, especially those who have been in the same situation.

My husband died suddenly after a 13 year chronic illness (it wasn't his illness that brought about his death. He had a ruptured aorta and died on the operating table).  During his illness, I was his primary caregiver, and the last three years of his life were not pleasant for either of us. He was unable to do much of anything for himself - bathing, etc. He was incontinent, so I changed diapers and washed more sheets than I had in the 43 years of marriage leading up to the last three! My love for him and his for me never wavered, but he did not want any visitors so he became more and more isolated. I at least had respite in my church and when I had to be away, he would go into respite care, even though he hated it, because he knew I needed a break now and then.

Okay, that's the back story, now to the reason why I feel that my family and friends have a tendency to overdo the loving support thing.

I'm in my seventies, but I still have all my marbles. I'm active in the community - volunteerism, church activities, and so forth. I drive - much better than most people in their eighth decade, let me tell you - read copiously, enjoy being out and about. I eat well, sleep well, my RA is under control and gives me very little trouible, I do not have mobility problems.  

There's been more than one suggestion that I should "find another man with whom to share my llife", and more than a few hints dropped about signing on with E Harmony or another online matchmaking site. l have no desire to remarry (and even if I did, the poor fellow would have a dreadful time living up to my late husband!) 

Some of my family and friends wanted me to sell my house and move into an apartment, and more than one of them have been insistent that I should do so. I'm not ready to do that, either.

I finally put my foot down and told all of them to back off.  I want to stay in my own home as long as I am able, and I do not need another man in my life. I'm perfectly capable of looking after myself, and making decisions that affect my life, and I cherish my independence. 

Just recently, two of my closest friends (who are more like brother and sister than friends to me) were upset because they felt that I should keep them up to date on what's going on with all the members of my family,( particularly with my oldest grandson who recently broke up with his fiancee after four years of being together). I've told them that I don't talk about other people's private affairs, even if the other people are my nearest and dearest. To me, that's nothing more than gossip, and I loathe gossip. If my grandson wants to fill them in on what's going on with him, that's his affair, not mine.

I know I hurt some feelings, and I've apologized for doing so, but I've also explained why and I intend to stick to my principles.

I'm grateful that there are people who love me so much, but  sometimes I feel they overdo it.  So, here's where you come in. Am I over-reacting? Am I being unreasonable?

Thanks for the affirmation, REteach. As for that liking and respecting thing - back atcha in spades. You always post thoughtful comments.

Thanks, Hatman. My friends and family members know that I appreciate their love and support, but I have had to be firm (that's my word for 'blunt') about boundaries.

In a way, I can understand the 'advice' I receive from my children and grandchildren. They think that anyone over 70 is on the verge of senility! I'm less sanguine about the 'advice' doled out by my friends, most of whom are my age, or older!