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Switch to Forum Live View how long is a break?
2 years ago  ::  Nov 03, 2011 - 2:04PM #1
dani33
Posts: 2
I have been in this relationship for 7 months.  He has been divorced for 2 years.  We have a great connection and have a wonderful time toghether.  He found out about 2 months ago that his ex-wife had been cheating on him.  He spiraled down really quickly.  He said that we they divorced two years ago he thought that she just simply fell out of love..and that was easier to accept than the deceit and misuse of his trust.  Ultimately we decided to take a "break" from the relationship so he could concentrate on healing himself.  He began counseling and is doing much better.  It has been about 2 months.  We talk a couple times a week, and hang out maybe every week and a half.  No sex just spending time together.  He tells me that he really cares for me and sees a future with me, but he wants to get himself right before he jumps back into the relationship.  How long do i give him? I just don't know wha to do next.  Wait?  Don't wait?  I want to but...you know.  I really understand the feelings that he is going through.  I have been there before.  I think that is how I can be so understanding.  I know this issue is not about me.  It's about him.  But some days i feel insecure. 
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2 years ago  ::  Nov 03, 2011 - 9:35PM #2
REteach
Posts: 13,547

Nobody can answer that for you.  


How much of a hurry are you in?  Is he worth waiting for? Is the quality of the time you spend together still good?  Is the tempo picking back up or slowing back down? 


2 months isn't that long a time to recover from a big shock, a death of an ideal in a way, although having been divorced for 2 years already seems like it would be a cushion. However, not having been in that position, I don't know.  


I guess the other part of the question is whether you think he is using this as a way to ease you out of his life.  


See, there are too many variables and nobody here is going to have any idea about what is really going on.



Good luck in any case. 

I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize what you heard was not what I meant...
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2 years ago  ::  Nov 04, 2011 - 10:41AM #3
dani33
Posts: 2

Nov 3, 2011 -- 9:35PM, REteach wrote:

Nobody can answer that for you.  


How much of a hurry are you in?  Is he worth waiting for? Is the quality of the time you spend together still good?  Is the tempo picking back up or slowing back down? 


2 months isn't that long a time to recover from a big shock, a death of an ideal in a way, although having been divorced for 2 years already seems like it would be a cushion. However, not having been in that position, I don't know.  


I guess the other part of the question is whether you think he is using this as a way to ease you out of his life.  


See, there are too many variables and nobody here is going to have any idea about what is really going on.



Good luck in any case. 


Yes, I have considered that option of the "easing out" of his life..that has happened to me before.  And I feel like like this isn't the case being he still contacts me...instead of disappearing...


He has gotten signifiicantly better over thepast two months.  Things are definately moving foward.  When we do spend time together wehave an amazing time and he says that each time.


I have a part time job and he would stop by from time to time to bring me coffee ect..and he hasn't donethat in some time and last night he did. 


He talks about the future with us...


I think I am being a bit impatient.  I went thru a horrible break up a couple years ago and it took me almost a year to get moving again.  So i DO understand where he is...


 


Thank you for your insight :)

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