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Switch to Forum Live View 7year relationship comming to an abrupt end............what to do now?
3 years ago  ::  Oct 28, 2011 - 11:13AM #11
Anniesheart2
Posts: 35

Code,


It will get better, you just need to do a few things.


Face the fact that it happened. You cannot change the past.


Accept it as reality.


commit it to God and release it.


What has happened we cannot change. What will happen we do not know. Live your life today each moment with love in your heart. He is gone, learn from what you did together, and from your mistakes. Learn that it is ok, and that you will be ok. You are stronger than you realize, and you can rebuild your life from here. Cherish your good memories, but dont dwell on them.


Give your life to God, really pray and reflect on you, your life, and watch what happens. Good luck, Blessings to you.

Anniesheart2
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3 years ago  ::  Oct 28, 2011 - 9:45PM #12
REteach
Posts: 14,234

(((Code)))


First, I assume you are surrounded by medical professionals.  Follow the no-suicide contract. Do NOT kill yourself.


You are in mourning. Something real died.  Your relationship died. Your hopes and dreams died. Actually even worse than that. I had a neighbor who was both widowed and divorced. She thought the divorce was more painful.  Not only is the relationship gone, but you feel rejected.  


It sucks the big one,  no doubt. I like the way Paul Simon said it:  


“Losing love
Is like a window in your heart
Everybody sees you’re blown apart
Everybody sees the wind blow”


The thing is that as black as it looks now, it will get better.  It will get better.

I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize what you heard was not what I meant...
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3 years ago  ::  Nov 04, 2011 - 12:29PM #13
code
Posts: 7

ReTeach, thank you for taking the time to write.


I dont want to sound melodramatic but does seem as a part of me died, and yes I do feel rejected. After putting in so many years of my life, time, effort and emotion im left with nothing.Its worse because everyone in my family knew i was interested in him and now hes married to someone else,in less than 6 months of leaving me 


His brother called me a month after my sucide attemtp and was telling me he is still not happy.That hes been unhappy all this time and his health is a mess, they thought getting him married would help but hes still miserable.


He got married , and still acts as if everything has fallen apart for him. That there was family pressure on him to get married and get on with life. ha! If he had cared he should not have allowed anyone to influence him to get married.I havent, and I have had to deal with alot of garbage from my folks.


My dad said i was a failure and i should blame myself for eveything that happened. That he didnt care about me, he just went on and got married. .................. :(


Even after all that time i had been hoping and praying for a reconciliation, but now hes married and there is a 3 person involved, a girl who has nothing to do with it.I dont want to do anything to hurt her , she has her dreams for a married life. My saying anything or hanging around will not help.



I cant do anything to change the situation. 


I have gone for 2 counselling sessions so far, they helped. But I still find myself in despair and angry at him. And angry wiht my folks. 


Im still not sleeping too well........... the only time im able to sleep if i have physically exhusted my self and then too i get 3 or 4 hours of sleep............


I keep praying but i dont know if i will be able to trust anyone again after this :(


I feel my relationship with everyone in my family is messed up now............. i keep trying but it seems they dont care too much anyway. They just go on with their lives.


I try to stay out of the house as much as i can and go back home only when im exhausted and can sleep..............



I pray i feel better sooner rather than later and God gives me the strenght to bear this...Ameen.

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3 years ago  ::  Nov 04, 2011 - 1:33PM #14
REteach
Posts: 14,234

You are not being melodramatic, something did die. And it is not going to come back to life. You may have played a role, but it is not your fault.  Stuff happens.


Keep up with the counseling. You will feel better in time, but no way will it get better fast enough. For a while, it is going to feel like forever. You need to be patient. If you feel like killing yourself again, call your counselor right away.


 


Hang in there. You will have a life again. 

I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize what you heard was not what I meant...
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2 years ago  ::  Mar 29, 2012 - 1:19PM #15
code
Posts: 7

Hello, 


It has been a while since I posted last, things have been rocky for me.


I guess this is one of my low days. It seems what ever i have tried to do has been met with a resounding no.


I tried to start a new career and find out I dont fullfill any of the requirements. 


I have tried to study and find it hard to focus.


It just seems all doors are being steadily shut no matter what i try to do. Its hard to keep holding onto my faith and being patient.


People say time will heal all wounds but its almost  a year now and im still feeling as miserble as i was earlier. :((

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2 years ago  ::  Apr 10, 2012 - 3:39AM #16
Hatman
Posts: 9,634

Mar 29, 2012 -- 1:19PM, code wrote:

Hello, 


It has been a while since I posted last, things have been rocky for me.


I guess this is one of my low days. It seems what ever i have tried to do has been met with a resounding no.


I tried to start a new career and find out I dont fullfill any of the requirements. 


I have tried to study and find it hard to focus.


It just seems all doors are being steadily shut no matter what i try to do. Its hard to keep holding onto my faith and being patient.


People say time will heal all wounds but its almost  a year now and im still feeling as miserble as i was earlier. :((


Code-
What do you love to do?  Say?  Think about?

If what you find yourself continually thinking about is not helpful to you, then re-direct that energy by whatever means---counseling, prayer, forcing yourself to turn your thought elsewhere.

Perhaps this saying may prove helpful to you, but it's a double-edged sword:

"What you think about, you bring about..." or, as Proverbs puts it, "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he."

If you find that you have a perverse desire to inflict pain upon yourself with your thought-life, only you can change that.

It may prove helpful to think of yourself as a stranger that you'd like to help, too.  What advice would you give this sad stranger?  How would you help her?

Suicide is not the answer, and you may wish to begin by returning thanks that you did not die, being grateful for the miracle of your life.

i attempted suicide several times, myself(unsuccessfully, duh); i could have used my failure to die as yet more evidence of my incompetence, and grown even more depressed, right?  (Probably did for a time, too.)

But what was finally revealed to me was that even if i ever DID manage to kill myself, if i was EXTREMELY lucky, i might be given another chance at life again, to learn the lessons i was too cowardly to face in this life, BUT---in far worse circumstances than in my present one, too!

So, as in my case, you may wish to start with the very simple things to give thanks for: breathing without pain, being able to walk/jump/run, see, speak, write, taste, hear---never taking any of these gifts for granted, but cherishing them!  After all, there are quite a few in this world who would dearly love to be able to do many of the things you apparently are taking quite lightly right now, under-appreciating the gifts of the Father of Lights.

Once you establish and maintain that "attitude of gratitude" for at least 3 weeks, begin to look for opportunities to help others, and as anonymously as possible, such that only God and you will know who you helped.  Remember, giving anonymously is only part of the test; not ever bragging about it to anyone---ever---is another part, probably one of the hardest.

Return thanks always---for a bird's song, for a ray of sunlight on a cloudy day, for a cool breeze when you're sweating, for rain on parched earth, for warmth when it's cold, for a green light---and when you're more practiced at returning thanks for the good things happening all around you constantly(that you haven't been paying attention to), then you might be ready to practice giving thanks for red lights, difficult people, fussing/fighting birds, and other things most consider to be "bad," for even that which we currently hate can teach us valuable lessons, if we are willing to hear(and bear) them.

Warmest regards-

Hatman

"History records that the moneychangers have used every form of abuse, deceit, intrigue, and violent means possible to maintain their control over governments by controlling money and it's issuance."
-- James Madison(1751-1836), Father of the Constitution for the USA, 4th US President
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2 years ago  ::  Apr 10, 2012 - 7:17PM #17
REteach
Posts: 14,234

Maybe you ought to consider seeing your health care provider and consider treatment for depression. If you don't like the idea of medication, consider cognitive behavioral therapy.  

I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize what you heard was not what I meant...
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2 years ago  ::  May 01, 2012 - 12:54AM #18
Owensclan
Posts: 2

Mar 29, 2012 -- 1:19PM, code wrote:

Hello, 


It has been a while since I posted last, things have been rocky for me.


I guess this is one of my low days. It seems what ever i have tried to do has been met with a resounding no.


I tried to start a new career and find out I dont fullfill any of the requirements. 


I have tried to study and find it hard to focus.


It just seems all doors are being steadily shut no matter what i try to do. Its hard to keep holding onto my faith and being patient.


People say time will heal all wounds but its almost  a year now and im still feeling as miserble as i was earlier. :((


Hello Code:


In reading all of this, and after everything that I have been through. I would like to say I am truly sorry for what has happened to you.


I know you've tried to contact him before, but there was something that helped me greatly when I had that kind of relationship issue. I wrote him a letter. A long, anger filled, lonesome feeling letter. I never sent it... But it helped me to release it.


When I was able to let go of him, I focused on my faith and self. Not so much to move on, but to just be. Some times it's hard, but you have to find you in the middle of your turmoil. I took a break and things didn't fall into place, but they were easier to accept. And it lead me to a wonderful journey I've been on for almost nine years.


I agree with Hatman, and also RETeach. You have to help you, and sometimes you need the direction of someone on the outside. But you still have to make the effort.


I hope this helps, and I hope you can find your peace. :)  ♥

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