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3 years ago  ::  Apr 12, 2011 - 9:27AM #1
Bodhi_piper
Posts: 15

3 weeks ago my wife suddenly and with virtually no discussion or explanation announced that she was leaving and moving in with her boss (well, there is the obvious. I'm not a dolt). I’m trying to do all the “right” things, but this is just really hard. I can’t sleep, I can’t concentrate, I can’t seem to get anything accomplished; it’s like I’m not firing on all cylinders. I really don’t want to leave the house, or to have to see or speak to anyone; just the grocers or pharmacy is a challenge. I’ve got so very much to do, but I just can’t seem to get organized; I really need to get some traction and get moving. Things are just really hard right now.


Namaste

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3 years ago  ::  Apr 12, 2011 - 5:13PM #2
Hatman
Posts: 9,634

Apr 12, 2011 -- 9:27AM, Bodhi_piper wrote:

3 weeks ago my wife suddenly and with virtually no discussion or explanation announced that she was leaving and moving in with her boss (well, there is the obvious. I'm not a dolt). I’m trying to do all the “right” things, but this is just really hard. I can’t sleep, I can’t concentrate, I can’t seem to get anything accomplished; it’s like I’m not firing on all cylinders. I really don’t want to leave the house, or to have to see or speak to anyone; just the grocers or pharmacy is a challenge. I’ve got so very much to do, but I just can’t seem to get organized; I really need to get some traction and get moving. Things are just really hard right now.


Namaste


Bodhi_piper:
i'm very sorry that you were shocked and betrayed in this manner, that she thought so little of her vows.
To me, it is no wonder you say that you feel like you're not firing on all cylinders; you're in shock, and can't really expect that of yourself, yet.
i would suggest that you first visit www.divorcecare.com, read up, find out of there's a meeting near you, and go.
As far as protecting yourself, your assets, and your marital property, you couldn't find a better place to learn how to do that...especially if she's already helped herself to some of your stuff/dough, and so on.

Are children involved?

But at any rate, i deeply sympathize with what you're being forced to deal with at this time.

Warmest regards-

Hatman

"History records that the moneychangers have used every form of abuse, deceit, intrigue, and violent means possible to maintain their control over governments by controlling money and it's issuance."
-- James Madison(1751-1836), Father of the Constitution for the USA, 4th US President
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3 years ago  ::  Apr 12, 2011 - 5:37PM #3
Bodhi_piper
Posts: 15

Thanks, I appreciate your concern ad support, but "real world answers from the Bible" won't be of much help. I'm not Christian, and have absolutely no desire to be.


May you be well and at peace


_/|\_

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3 years ago  ::  Apr 12, 2011 - 9:23PM #4
Bodhi_piper
Posts: 15

I have a telephone consult with a counselor tomorrow, and will meet a secular divorce support group Saturday morning. Also, a thoughtful and anonymous friend has bought me an hour of massage, which I'll take advantage of tomorrow after the consult and before Wednesday evening meditation.

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3 years ago  ::  Apr 13, 2011 - 5:46PM #5
Hatman
Posts: 9,634

Apr 12, 2011 -- 5:37PM, Bodhi_piper wrote:

Thanks, I appreciate your concern ad support, but "real world answers from the Bible" won't be of much help. I'm not Christian, and have absolutely no desire to be.


May you be well and at peace


_/|\_


Can i assume that this post is directed to someone other than me, someone whose post is now gone?

Warmest regards-

Hatman

"History records that the moneychangers have used every form of abuse, deceit, intrigue, and violent means possible to maintain their control over governments by controlling money and it's issuance."
-- James Madison(1751-1836), Father of the Constitution for the USA, 4th US President
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3 years ago  ::  Apr 13, 2011 - 5:55PM #6
Echo_of_me
Posts: 1,268

Apr 13, 2011 -- 5:46PM, Hatman wrote:

Apr 12, 2011 -- 5:37PM, Bodhi_piper wrote:

Thanks, I appreciate your concern ad support, but "real world answers from the Bible" won't be of much help. I'm not Christian, and have absolutely no desire to be.


May you be well and at peace


_/|\_


Can i assume that this post is directed to someone other than me, someone whose post is now gone?

Warmest regards-

Hatman







I saw this and assumed the same thing; there must have been another comment that's been deleted, possibly a gracious act on the part of the author of the comment.

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3 years ago  ::  Apr 13, 2011 - 9:03PM #7
Bodhi_piper
Posts: 15

www.divorcecare.org/about/topics


Session 6


"This video seminar explores real-world answers from the Bible on issues related to separation, divorce and remarriage..."


No offense intended, and I really do appreciate the suggestions and concern, just not my cup of tea.


May you be well and at peace


_/|\_

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3 years ago  ::  Apr 13, 2011 - 9:47PM #8
Echo_of_me
Posts: 1,268

Apr 13, 2011 -- 9:03PM, Bodhi_piper wrote:

www.divorcecare.org/about/topics


Session 6


"This video seminar explores real-world answers from the Bible on issues related to separation, divorce and remarriage..."


No offense intended, and I really do appreciate the suggestions and concern, just not my cup of tea.


May you be well and at peace


_/|\_







Ah, I see, it was on the site. That wouldn't be right for me either.
Hopefully there are some useful sites sans the preaching.

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3 years ago  ::  Apr 21, 2011 - 8:35AM #9
Bodhi_piper
Posts: 15

A friend posted a message to me on Facebook,  encouraging me to "be the bigger person" and "patch things up". While I  appreciate her concern for us, my wife unilaterally made a decision, and announced that she doesn't want to  live with me any more and she's  moving in with her boss. My opinion, input, or feedback was neither  solicited or required. She finds my spiritual and political beliefs  embarrassing, and apparently most importantly, I don't drink enough to  be "fun" any more. I'm not  sure how to "patch it up" without abandoning deeply held values which  are central to my life or becoming a drunk just to appease someone else;  someone who, since they are always looking for happiness external to  themselves, will never be satisfied with anything I do anyway. Even if I could (or was willing to) "patch it up" under such circumstances,  what, exactly, would I have? A relationship based upon mutual trust, admiration  and respect?

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3 years ago  ::  Apr 21, 2011 - 3:02PM #10
Hatman
Posts: 9,634
Bodhi-
It sounds almost like you're willing to take her back, despite all she's done.  True?

If not, my standard advice for protecting yourself and your assets goes as follows:

Take photos or video of everything you have, especially things you gained as the result of an inheritance, a lottery win(if not purchased with community funds), or from before you were married...and don't forget all the paperwork, either---stocks, bonds, insurance, credit-card statements, bank statements, and so on.

If you have any joint accounts with her, empty them and open a separate account asap.

Call several attorneys that offer "free initial consultation," take your questions, and go to #1, #2, #3, revising your questions as you go.
Visit your local Law library, and ask the librarian to help you find the statutes on divorce, then read 'em and take notes(especially on how to find what you just found).

Not certain if this will work in your state, but i've read somewhere that you can take out an ad in the "Announcements and Legal Notices" section of your local paper, stating that after a date certain, you will not be responsible for any debts the stbx runs up---as FMO, many stbx spouses, when they wake up to the fact that the writing is clearly on the wall and the gravy train is about to jump the tracks, will run up as many credit-card purchases as possible, knowing that (in community property states, anyhow), you'll get stuck with half the bill, and they'll get to keep half the stupf.

Check out the classified section in your newspaper, and see if you don't find notices just as described above; perhaps this could be one of the questions you ask of legal counsel.

If the divorce is to be (at least semi-) mutually-agreeable and fair, consider using an arbitrator instead of a trial judge and attorneys; as you're likely aware, the former will be FAR less expensive than the latter.

And finally, again, i'm sorry for the choice your stbx has made; she will reap as she has sown, eventually, as we all do(whether in this life or not).

Warmest regards-

Hatman
"History records that the moneychangers have used every form of abuse, deceit, intrigue, and violent means possible to maintain their control over governments by controlling money and it's issuance."
-- James Madison(1751-1836), Father of the Constitution for the USA, 4th US President
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