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Switch to Forum Live View Trying to make my life more about ME than about Men...
4 years ago  ::  Mar 23, 2011 - 10:55AM #1
lh1070
Posts: 4

Hi,

I haven't been around for a while but wanted to talk. I'm recently dealing with leaving a relationship that was never meant to be. The big deal is that its a pattern. Rather than spend too much time and energy lamenting my past, I'm trying to focus on my future...MY FUTURE. Trying to become a full and complete ME. I figure that way, I'll attract a better, more complete element...male or female. I'm heterosexual, don't misunderstand. I just mean more positive individuals.

I'm going back to complete my bachelor's degree at 40, and I know this should be an exciting time but I can't help lamenting the fact that after all these years, I could have been done with this. I've worked at companies who would have paid for the education but now, its all on me(or loans). I'm even ashamed to a degree. I can be really positive when it comes to others and encouraging them but when it comes to me, pessimism seems to reign...

Your thoughts?

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4 years ago  ::  Mar 25, 2011 - 3:23PM #2
Hatman
Posts: 9,634

Mar 23, 2011 -- 10:55AM, lh1070 wrote:

Hi,

I haven't been around for a while but wanted to talk. I'm recently dealing with leaving a relationship that was never meant to be. The big deal is that its a pattern. Rather than spend too much time and energy lamenting my past, I'm trying to focus on my future...MY FUTURE. Trying to become a full and complete ME. I figure that way, I'll attract a better, more complete element...male or female. I'm heterosexual, don't misunderstand. I just mean more positive individuals.

I'm going back to complete my bachelor's degree at 40, and I know this should be an exciting time but I can't help lamenting the fact that after all these years, I could have been done with this. I've worked at companies who would have paid for the education but now, its all on me(or loans). I'm even ashamed to a degree. I can be really positive when it comes to others and encouraging them but when it comes to me, pessimism seems to reign...

Your thoughts?


Sounds like you have a strong "inner critic."
Learn to love that voice, and make it say POSITIVE things to you.
One book that might help with that is "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill, but virtually any set of positive affirmations, if repeated daily(oftentimes, in front of a mirror) will have the same effect---that is, silencing the regrets/self-criticism/blaming and "hearing" more and more self-congratulatory, self-esteem-building, and loving-of-yourself words.  If, for example, you're a God-fearing woman, you should know and try to understand how much God loves you, and treat yourself as if you were the most loved and cherished being ever.

Another tip might be to learn to appreciate and express your gratitude(for everything and everyone you can think of), often...especially when by yourself(e.g. driving).  When with others, look for, find, and compliment those you are with for some genuine quality you love/appreciate in them, too.

Last, for now, do these things IN the now.  None of us can live in either the past OR the future, and when we keep putting things off until some vague "future" point, we eventually realize that 10 years or more have passed, and we're no nearer what we put off than we were when we started.

Warmest regards-

Hatman

"History records that the moneychangers have used every form of abuse, deceit, intrigue, and violent means possible to maintain their control over governments by controlling money and it's issuance."
-- James Madison(1751-1836), Father of the Constitution for the USA, 4th US President
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