For the past year, I have been involved with a man who has been in his current relationship for the past 14 or so years. He has no desire to marry her, and just recently found out that she is pregnant.

Our situation was supposed to just be about fun and comfort but HE changed it and said that he didn't want me to be with anyone else...that he wanted to be the man who takes care of the manly duties in and around my house. Unfortunately, he's not  a man of his word.

There have been a number of times where for good reason - he did something wrong - or no reason other than that I know better and deserve better, that I have tried to end the relationship. He always comes back saying he doesn't want it to end, or what can he do to make things better BUT he makes NOT ONE CHANGE. He has even gone so far as to say that he knows he could have done more to make things work. He DOES NOTHING. Even in the worst of trouble, he does nothing different. Its business as usual.

My issue is that I can't understand why it hurts me so bad to even TRY to leave. Why, although I know I deserve better - and that he doesn't really even try - it hurts so much to try to walk away. I will always see and be around him because of our inner circle BUT it hurts so much to see him and not have his attention. His affection.

Is see him maybe once a week. MAYBE. We may text everyday or talk every few days but that's really the extent of the relationship...other than sex. I have had to admit to myself in recent days that I don't even have the willingness to put myself out there or try to make things better. He hasn't so why should I?

He says he love me, and I love him but this situation is beginning to really have emotional and physically affects on me and I just need to talk it through...work it out...for myself.

Signed

(IM)mature

ever-evolving-
First, what SS said.

Second, remember this advice always when it comes to men:  "Believe NOTHING of what he SAYS; believe EVERYthing he DOES."

What has he done?
String you along.  Confess that he's wrong.  Do nothing to fix it.  Not even TRY.
After all, why should he?  You've already repeatedly demonstrated that even if he DOESN'T change ANYthing, you'll take him back ANYway.

If you'll take SS's advice, i can guarantee you that in 5 years, you won't even remember his name.

As to why you want him?
Could be something as simple as the fact that you can't have him, not totally, anyway.
But consider just how long you WOULD stay with this guy if he DID live with you!  i'd say it's nearly certain that within a week---3 at the outside---you'd be wondering "What was I THINKING!"

Drop the zero.

Warmest regards-

Hatman

ever-evolving:
Yep; addictions are hard to break, but worth the eventual freedom once you're delivered from that slavery.

Stand by your guns!

Warmest regards-

Hatman

Jan 5, 2011 -- 7:06PM, SatanicStalker wrote:

Jan 5, 2011 -- 11:38AM, ever_evolving wrote:

My issue is that I can't understand why it hurts me so bad to even TRY to leave. Why, although I know I deserve better - and that he doesn't really even try - it hurts so much to try to walk away. I will always see and be around him because of our inner circle BUT it hurts so much to see him and not have his attention. His affection.

 

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Withdrawl

 

His attention is a drug. You know it's bad for you, but like so many drugs, it's addictive. 

Expect it to hurt.

He's a festering thorn. It hurts to dig out a festering thorn, but only once out can it heal properly. 

Do whatever it takes to get away from him, to make a clean break, before he eats away any more of your life, like the 14 years he's eaten away from his other girlfriend. 

Try to make the break as clean as possible. Experiment with different social circles, and only do things with members of your current circle if you can verify that he will not be there. If he shows up, leave calmly but quickly. Date other men, ones who are single and give you the impression they might be better for you than this guy (I'm sure there are many who fit this criterion). Eat cookies, watch sappy movies, masturbate, cry, scream into a pillow. Know, as it hurts, that you are doing what you need to do to be good to yourself. Take pride in the pain. Don't be ashamed of it. Don't be afraid to feel it, either. Do whatever you have to to work through the pain, except DO NOT give in to the temptation to communicate with him. Delete his texts unread, or better yet, block his number. 

Your post is proof that you know he is bad for you, and you know you need to get away. 

~Stalker

Stalker,

Thanx. I've been here b4 unfortunately and know it'll hurt for a while then get better. Just need to get through the hurt, rehashing, missing him, etc.

Thanx again,

Idiot for the umpteenth time...

Ever-evolving, am I right in thinking that your initial post helped you to make the decision to dump Mr. Wrong? Once you laid it all out there, you realized that this relationship was going nowhere, so you pulled the plug! Good for you! You didn't need our advice, but I believe I can say, on behalf of the other posters on this board, that you have our support and our prayers.

Dumping a partner, even a partner who is a louse, can create a hole in one's life, but you will get past this and move on. Somewhere out there is a decent, responsible, loving man who will want you as his one and only. Go get him, girl!