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4 years ago  ::  Jan 04, 2011 - 7:09PM #1
Kaynet
Posts: 1

I've been married 17+ years and my husband wants a divorce. I believe God joined this union, but he doesn't believe in God. I'm praying and drawing on every resource I can (reading material, family members, prayer lines) to strengthen my faith, lessen my fears, and heal my broken heart. I've tried talking to him, its been 7weeks and not much has changed.  I feel in my heart that I cannot let go of my faith that things will get better, but its hard not to think that I should be preparing for the worst. Any ideas? Anyone go through something like this, or have any insite on scriptures I should read or person I should contact?

Kaynet
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4 years ago  ::  Jan 04, 2011 - 7:14PM #2
teilhard
Posts: 51,417

"God" Bless(+) you in this difficult Time ...


Find a Pastor you trust and spend some conversation with her/him ...

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4 years ago  ::  Jan 04, 2011 - 7:20PM #3
Hatman
Posts: 9,634
Kaynet-
There is a board on which to discuss marriage trouble, and i suspect that this thread will shortly be transferred there; do not take offense.  The rules for this board are a) that the subject matter be current/recent, and b) that you provide a link to prove it.

So while your situation is certainly current, it is not a matter of general, but personal interest.

There are quite a few caring people that visit the Marriage & Relationship and Divorce and Separation boards, and you may learn a great deal just by reading previous posts.

Here is a link to where you can find them:

community.beliefnet.com/go/forum/viewcat...

Warmest regards-

Hatman
"History records that the moneychangers have used every form of abuse, deceit, intrigue, and violent means possible to maintain their control over governments by controlling money and it's issuance."
-- James Madison(1751-1836), Father of the Constitution for the USA, 4th US President
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4 years ago  ::  Jan 04, 2011 - 7:37PM #4
Agnosticspirit
Posts: 9,244

Hi Kaynet, welcome to Beliefnet although I'm very sorry you were lead here to share such a heart break.  I'll move this to a forum designated for this subject.  There are many supportive folk willing to listen. 


Hugs and best wishes, 17 years is a very long time. 


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4 years ago  ::  Jan 04, 2011 - 10:52PM #5
Hatman
Posts: 9,634

Jan 4, 2011 -- 7:09PM, Kaynet wrote:

I've been married 17+ years and my husband wants a divorce. I believe God joined this union, but he doesn't believe in God. I'm praying and drawing on every resource I can (reading material, family members, prayer lines) to strengthen my faith, lessen my fears, and heal my broken heart. I've tried talking to him, its been 7weeks and not much has changed.  I feel in my heart that I cannot let go of my faith that things will get better, but its hard not to think that I should be preparing for the worst. Any ideas? Anyone go through something like this, or have any insite on scriptures I should read or person I should contact?


If he doesn't believe in God, how long has his disbelief been in existence?  Since before you married?  If so, you ignored the advice about being unequally yoked with unbelievers.

Has he been faithful to you?  Has he been a good provider/protector for you and your children?
What do you think his expectations of you for the marriage were?  How have those expectations been disappointed?  How, if so? 

Do you think that you have contributed to making him feel not "at home" or unwelcome?

But if he's not been unfaithful and you are innocent of any wrongdoing or error in your 17+ years, then here's some practical advice to prepare for the divorce:

First inventory all the assets of your marriage.  Photograph or videotape them.  Photograph or videotape all your important paperwork---deeds, titles, insurance(s), credit card balances, everything.  Arrange for a trusted friend to keep your copies, and/or rent a safe deposit box or even a rental storage place you pay for in cash(so he or his attorney(s) can't trace your financial transactions).

Do not try to convince him to stay.  Pray for it, if this is what you desire, but do not speak of it.  Prepare to move out for a minimum of 6 weeks; stay with a friend or relative he doesn't know about, or at a bed and breakfast/hotel, etc., also somewhere he doesn't know of.  If, during the time you are gone, he does not miss you and want you back, evidenced by his trying to find you(through your friends or relatives), you will have your answer, painful as that will be to accept. 

Visit www.divorcecare.com, see if there's a meeting near you, and go.  Read up on them, maybe talk to some current and/or former members, to get a good idea if their information will be useful for you or not.

Look up attorneys in your local Yellow pages, and find which ones offer "initial consultation free."  Prepare all your legal questions, take them with you, and ask them of the attorney.  Take what answers you get from attorney #1, review them, revise them, and ask the same or similar questions of divorce attorney #2.  Repeat as needed.  Remember that attorneys are NOT divorce counselors, and are NOT there to provide emotional support.  They ARE paid by the hour, though, usually, so keep your questions on-point and brief.

Usually, when a husband insists on divorcing, there are 1 of two reasons why: he has found someone else he thinks is better(and in cases like this, it's usually no more than 6 months before he realizes that the grass WAS greener---just over the septic tank---at which time he'll try to return to you) or two, he's just fed up with something you've either done or haven't done, which usually means that divorce is final/inevitable.

What his "deal-breakers" are, only you can say; for me, it would be one of the 3 "Big 'A's", Adultery, Abuse, or Addiction, that is, unrepentant holding to any of the three, considering any of them more important than our relationship.

Warmest regards-

Hatman

"History records that the moneychangers have used every form of abuse, deceit, intrigue, and violent means possible to maintain their control over governments by controlling money and it's issuance."
-- James Madison(1751-1836), Father of the Constitution for the USA, 4th US President
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4 years ago  ::  Feb 10, 2011 - 6:31PM #6
Bezant
Posts: 1,338

Jan 4, 2011 -- 7:09PM, Kaynet wrote:


I've been married 17+ years and my husband wants a divorce. I believe God joined this union, but he doesn't believe in God. I'm praying and drawing on every resource I can (reading material, family members, prayer lines) to strengthen my faith, lessen my fears, and heal my broken heart. I've tried talking to him, its been 7weeks and not much has changed.  I feel in my heart that I cannot let go of my faith that things will get better, but its hard not to think that I should be preparing for the worst. Any ideas? Anyone go through something like this, or have any insite on scriptures I should read or person I should contact?




I'm sorry for your difficult situation. In times of distress I recommend Psalms 46 and 91.

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3 years ago  ::  Jun 01, 2011 - 10:53AM #7
Ladyghosthunter
Posts: 19

(((KAYNET))) Bless your heart..you are definitely in my prayers.


My soon to be ex is agnostic and I married him anyway thinking I could change his faith (WRONG!!). My suggestion would be to talk to your pastor about this and have him suggest some scriptures and some counseling to get you through this most difficult time. Also you have us to talk to you if you need a shoulder to cry on...


 


Heather

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