onthewire-
While your decision may be 10% selfish, it is 90% realistic, imo.

i'm sorry for the hurt you're certainly going through; it's tough to bear the wishy-washiness of some, imo.

i think you're making a great decision here, to leave him.  If/when he calls back in a month or three, tell him that you'll be glad to see him again---right after he shows you the signed, sealed, and stamped divorce papers, and you call the courthouse/attorneys mentioned to check their veracity.

i ALWAYS counsel everyone to NEVER enter or continue a relationship with someone who's already attached; as you've discovered by bitter experience, doing so causes heartbreak.

And hey---if you need a support group, so be it!  Whatever you need, darlin'.

Warmest regards-

Hatman

Onthewire, I agree that pulling the plug on this relationship is the best thing for all concerned, but mostly for you. Frankly, he sounds somewhat immature. wanting to have his cake and eat it, and perhaps he enjpys all the attention he is now getting!

I agree that until he has resolved his issues with his wife, you're wise to break it off. I would also advise that you make yourself inaccessible, so that he has no way of pulling you back in.  Change your phone number and e mail, and refuse to take his calls when you are at work.

There are scores of nice men out there, single and available. Find one of your own, one you don't have to share with a wife and child!

Hi, I just ended a 7 month emotionally/ attached relationship with a woman who was far ahead of me in the matters of love. She's experienced in giving herself to loving as was the case of her 10 year failed marriage (more his fault) and with me she vowed not to feel inlove again, but she did . I on my part, finished a 9 year relationship with a wonderful woman whom I wasn't attracted physically, but that hwer inner beauty was so big  i was inlove whith that side of her as a person. Both of them gave me pure and unselfish love, but last week in my girlfriends bedside she said she'll love me no matter what, and it downed on me the many times my wife loved me unconditionally and thatv did it for me. I told my GF, I needed to ask my wife for a last chance to show her what I never did before.In the interim, I felt so bad because I was loosong the GF who was very straight up in everything she did and said . She showed the valenty and courage of a great General, who was loosing the war, and her soul understood me tough her heart did not want to, but she showed pure unselfish love and let me go with a smile and a hug. I feel bad still, and so you 're going to be hurt if you don't cut that affair at once, and start revaluing yourself. I don't know you, but you're God's child and he wants you happy,to use the love he give us all so you can be happy , and make some else happy , and when you do that, you make God happy. This is real exerpt of my life right on Valentine's Day. It was awful for both.

Good luck.

M

I read somewhere that about 85% of adulterers go back to their spouses.  Dating someone who is married seems like a suckers game.  The adulterer gets everything while the spouse and SO suffer.  Make them fish or cut bait. 

Feb 23, 2011 -- 5:45AM, Ethelq5 wrote:

I am separated...does this mean I can't date?

it depends upon what you hold to be true about marriage. for instance, if you are a roman catholic and were married in a catholic ceremony, then according to present teaching within the church, your marriage was a sacrament, a sign of god's love and presence, so until you obtained an annulment saying your marriage was not a legal marriage according to church law, then you are still considered married and dating would be a kind of adultery, i guess. i don't know if adultery is defined as a sexual relationship or not in their books.would a dinner date be adultery?

i was separated on and off for three years before my husband's death, but did not date during that time. i was a practicing catholic, and although we were married 16 years before in a unitarian ceremony and made no "promises" in  our self composed vows, by then i had come to have deep respect for marriage and considered our separation simply that--a separation. my husband did date during that time, i think. he was very private. if i had met someone who seriously wanted to date me though, i think i would have been very tempted because separation was very lonely and i missed male company. i guess i would have spent a lot of time in the confessional because i would have felt i was contradicting my own beliefs about marriage and a desire to follow protocol. i depended on the church a great deal during that time for emotional support and i wouldn't have wanted to do anything to cut myself off from them.