Jun 22, 2010 -- 1:09AM, karbie wrote:

You don't need to work a crisis line--just look on all the lives you've brought into the world!! I think sometimes therapists can get overwhelmed by all the darkness and pain they deal with but won't admit even to their own therapists that they are drowning because they just can't admit it even to themselves.

 

think of how draining it is to be around negative people.....multiply it by seeing and hearing all of their garbage...and that's why a therapist needs one of their own, or a confessor. (Somehow thinking of negative people and selfishness always reminds me of my great-aunt--who thought nothing about the fact my Grandma had to spend the night before my father's funeral taking care of her instead of being able to hold on to Grandpa that horrible night. We heard her talking to someone about it and she didn't even acknowledge that "her sister from Illinois" was his mother.

 

Years later, she was telling us that she'd asked the anesthesiologist why he charged so much just to put her to sleep for surgery. He'd told her he put her to sleep for free....the fee was for waking her back up. He might have been able to take competitive bids  from the family....

 

On my worst days I keep in mind that i am increasing my child's chances of committing suicide to 50% if I kill myself and that the person who finds me will probably be someone that I love.As it stands, he sees that no matter how much pain I'm in, I won't bail out on him...and he has told me somedays he can see how deep my love has to be because of that.

 

Now to get into the psychic stuff again--your ex may be earthbound; my father supposedly was for awhile because he refused to accept he hadn't made it through the 4th heart attack. Just tell him he's dead, go into the light....and that's all you can do except pray for him, and tell him he can't control your life any more. Picture yourself surrounded by the White Light of the Holy Spirit--you can visulaize it as surrounding you like Glinda's bubble or just a glow surrounding your body..which can include your house, your car, your kids...it can't do any harm and may serve as a block to negative energy.

 

If I've ever helped you, I'm glad...it makes me feel like I'm still good for something positive and that's important to me.

 

You deserve happiness. Your whole family does especially after all the suffering you've been through.

hi karbie. i do surround my loved ones, especially my children and grandchild,  in light and love everyday. i'm constantly sending psychic hearts and hoping they feel it. 

i'm not at risk for suicide, although i think i am at risk for a hospitalization if i become frightened enough by the things i'm faced with. that's not a nice place to be, so i definately work to avoid it. i try to remain aware of god and rest there throughout the trials. 

i don't know if my husband wants to "go to the light." he might just think that's too boring. i don't know. he was a very unique, complex and private person. i'm not sure any of us knew all of him, only what he wanted to share with us. i'm grateful for his intense effort to be what we needed, a father and a husband, even if it was killing him.