Terry-

IME, it helps me clarify what my goals are if i first define what my fears are.

Perhaps this can help you, too.

For example, one of my greatest fears is public speaking/performing.

Therefore, i joined a band and played/sang/spoke publicly in a group for a couple-three years before i became more comfortable with going solo.  Even so, my knees STILL shake both before going on and during the performance.  Next time, i'm going to try confessing my fear as i get up there, and see if that act of humility will restore at least some semblance of calm.

Like the man once said, "Giving a speech and having a baby are quite alike: fun to conceive, tough to deliver!"

One thing that occurred to me that you may wish to be aware of, if you're not already, is that many women tend to be attracted to(and love) men who are similar to their fathers.  So while your father seems to have engrained a fear-response to most of life's experiences in you, you may also be unconsciously seeking and/or being attracted to men who also play into this life-script that was written for you---IOW, if a man DOESN'T make you feel afraid, you're just not attracted, eh?

But i'm just shooting in the dark, here, and could be completely wrong.   This is the price that one often pays for free advice.  *grin*

Warmest regards-

Hatman