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Switch to Forum Live View Does Being Single Mean There's Something Wrong With You?
4 years ago  ::  Apr 18, 2010 - 5:12PM #1
Sistah1
Posts: 47

I'm tired of the assumption that if an older person (35 and up) is single, then there must be something wrong with him or her. Isn't it possible that these singles just haven't found the right matches yet?


 


singleindependentsistah.wordpress.com/20...

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4 years ago  ::  Apr 19, 2010 - 10:27AM #2
appy20
Posts: 10,165

There is something "wrong" with everybody.  I don't see a whole lot of perfection in married people.  It all depends on how you define "wrong."  I am different.  I don't need the human contact that other people do.  That is a fact.  If that doesn't hurt me and doesn't hurt anyone else, I refuse to call that wrong.  I also like peace and quiet that is impossible to have with other people living in the house.  Once again, since that doesn't hurt anyone else and it doesn't hurt me, I can't call that "wrong."  I am not needy.  I just don't really feel that great about having other people help me. Occasionally people help me but not in a necessary way.  I don't direclty depend on others for food, shelter or clothing. No one has ever paid a bill for me.  There may be something wrong with that but I came by it honestly. I have a family that doesn't help without rubbing it in your face for the rest of your life.  Thank God, after the age of 12, they didn't help me. Never as an adult.  Thank God.   I would have no self-respect left if they had.  They would have robbed me of it.  I will row my own canoe even if it has a few holes in it.


I no longer care if anyone thinks anything is wrong with me. I don't even care if there is. I am happy. I have all I want.  All I need.  I don't take it from others or step on others to get it.  I pay taxes, give to charities, help friends and family in need. If other people are concerned about the fact that I am not married, I pray that one day they will get a life  so full and happy that they won't obsess about mine.

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4 years ago  ::  Apr 21, 2010 - 11:24AM #3
karbie
Posts: 3,300

If you are single and happy, then there's nothing wrong with you. If you were miserable and alone, then it's a problem. My mother never dated anyone besides my father, and she was widowed in her early 40s. My first marriage tanked due to little things like him moving his mistress in before moving me out.  When I remarried, we wanted to try to fix Mother up. She went on a few dates but told the man if he was looking for a serious relationship to find someone else.


The best way I can describe Daddy is to say that he was a wonderful person when he wasn't being a complete SOB. He and my sister both had quick tempers and after saying a few rotten things, it was out of their system and they were fine. Mother and I weren't. A casual "Sorry" doesn't remove things from your mind.


My husband and I did push her to start making the house hers and not theirs. I'd done it a little when  I moved back home by painting the bedroom peach instead of the pink it had been most of the time. I know that she loves it when we come to visit; she also likes getting her house back when we leave. Healthwise, it's realistic to expect for me to die first over my husband, but if he goes first I would not be interested in another relationship. I would be living without needing to adjust myself to someone else's schedule. I wouldn't have to apologize for having been moaning and crying in pain when I'm asleep. I can control it while I'm awake,  but I lose that hold when I'm sleeping.


The main thing is being comfortable in your own skin and your own life. It sounds to me like you are. It does sound that you've been hurt enough to prefer not giving anyone the power to hurt you again.


Or as a revised version puts it"Tis better to have loved and lost than married someone and been bossed." You've got a good life, and if you  prefer not to have someone underfoot 24/7 it really isn't anyone else's business. You know what makes you comfortable and peaceful. If anything, your family and friends should be proud of you for not trying to conform to a mold that doesn't fit you. That takes a lot of strength and courage and i don't see anything wrong with your life at all.

"You are letting your opinion be colored by facts again."
'When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you."
these are both from my father.
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4 years ago  ::  Apr 21, 2010 - 12:53PM #4
Marcion
Posts: 2,883

There is nothing wrong with being single.


Getting divorced seven times - now that is really sick.

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4 years ago  ::  Apr 21, 2010 - 1:05PM #5
IreneAdler
Posts: 2,849

And I’m curious as to what that something is that is so wrong about those who are over 35 and single.  Mental/emotional problem? Physically unattractive? Extreme shyness? Bad breath? Social outcast? Tell us plainly what is so "wrong" about such folks?


 Or is such thinking simply another way to put others down to elevate their own self-worth? Hey, maybe that’s it- folks that see something wrong in others have self-worth issues themselves.


 


Irene.


 

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4 years ago  ::  Apr 21, 2010 - 1:57PM #6
appy20
Posts: 10,165

Apr 21, 2010 -- 12:53PM, Marcion wrote:


There is nothing wrong with being single.


Getting divorced seven times - now that is really sick.




This I agree with. People should learn their limitations.  My mother married twice and my father married 5 times.  Geesh. 


What really horrifies me is most marriages.  Some marriages are REALLY sick. 

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4 years ago  ::  Apr 21, 2010 - 10:00PM #7
Erey
Posts: 17,320

I don't think anything is wrong with being over 35 and single or any age and single. 


I have scads and scads of never been married friends or married briefly no kids and they seem to have quality lives. 


I do think there is something wrong with really, really wanting to be married but after many years not making that happen.  I think if you are in that situation you should seek some help because I do believe there are people that can help you. 


Alot of my single friends wanted to find someone to marry but it simply was not a priority - and that is OK.  Sort of like how I have always wanted to go to Africa and write a book but I have never made those things happen.  But I do have a few friends that will say all they ever really wanted was a family with a husband and children but that never happened for them and it is a deep loss.  If you are in that category I will urge you to find someone to work with you. 


 


Single is very common these days, in fact I have an interesting graph for you.


andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/.a/6a00d8...


 


Basically back in 1970 84% of American adults were married.  Now that is down to 60%


This is 30-44 year old americans.  so see, you are in a group that is the minority but at 40% that is a very, very substantial minority. 


 


 

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4 years ago  ::  Apr 24, 2010 - 10:11PM #8
parkin
Posts: 490

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with being over 35 and single (I'm assuming never married, right) except that when I was in the dating pool briefly it became pretty clear that people who have been single for that long without any long term relationships may have more hurdles to jump to get into a long term relationship with someone.  They've gotten pretty used to their alone time and being able to put their projects and routine first and may have a hard time adjusting. 


That's just my experience. 

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4 years ago  ::  May 27, 2010 - 1:35PM #9
David
Posts: 287

I am 53 and have never married..came close a couple of times but just never found the right one...and I am no expert on anything...but I do know this..I have my peace and quiet and contentment with being single..and can keep all of my money and don't  have to share anything..Laughing


 


looking at things from the practical side..hehehehehheheheehe   

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4 years ago  ::  Aug 22, 2010 - 5:35AM #10
tearsofheart
Posts: 1

I am 32, will be turning 33 next month and I asked the same question as well, "what's wrong with me and till now I am still single...alone". My two youngers sisters were blessed with loving families of their own while me being the eldest still remain single. Sometimes I feel so sad about my situation specially seeing those beautiful kids around and seeing loving couples walk hand in hand together. I wish to love and be love too, but seemed the right one is not yet find me.


But I do trust and believe that God prepares someone special for me. Someone who will love and care for me and will stay with me the rest of his life.


We have to think positive in any ways and will keep smiling.


God bless us all.

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