Post Reply
Page 3 of 5  •  Prev 1 2 3 4 5 Next
Switch to Forum Live View Does Being Single Mean There's Something Wrong With You?
4 years ago  ::  Jan 02, 2011 - 11:00AM #21
DotNotInOz
Posts: 6,833

Note, please, that I said deciding that one needs help is ALMOST like the first step of a 12-step program. That scarcely makes the admission at all akin to working a program which has a great deal more to it.


I really don't understand, I guess, what you mean when you say "personal-spiritual path." It seems to me unnecessary and confusing terminology for what I see as simply the ability to admit that you can't solve your own problems but can muster the determination to find professional help and then work to become better adjusted.


As I said before, I agree that some people seem unable to do that just as 12-step programs do not work for everyone.

Quick Reply
Cancel
4 years ago  ::  Jan 03, 2011 - 10:22PM #22
Guessses
Posts: 2,233

Jan 2, 2011 -- 11:00AM, DotNotInOz wrote:


Note, please, that I said deciding that one needs help is ALMOST like the first step of a 12-step program. That scarcely makes the admission at all akin to working a program which has a great deal more to it.


I really don't understand, I guess, what you mean when you say "personal-spiritual path." It seems to me unnecessary and confusing terminology for what I see as simply the ability to admit that you can't solve your own problems but can muster the determination to find professional help and then work to become better adjusted.


As I said before, I agree that some people seem unable to do that just as 12-step programs do not work for everyone.




IMHO, Denying one's own personal responsibility is a flaw. 

Infinite Blessings
Mike/NAFOD
"Lord, please, protect me from Your followers!"
"WWBD? Buddha- Does it matter? If you are enlightened it does not. If you are not enlightened it still doesn't matter."
"If you go looking to place blame, eventually you'll wind up blaming the Gods"
Quick Reply
Cancel
4 years ago  ::  Jan 05, 2011 - 12:37PM #23
Noelia
Posts: 8

I am 24 years old and single..I don't think that is anything wrong with me although it's hard to speak for myself..I've been deceived by people,humiliated so I am very cautious with my relationships. Being hurted a few times doesn't help me either.. My point of view is,that I am not going to create a relationship just because I want to stop being alone, or just fill the gap,I want to feel real love and that wonderful sentiment of butterflies in my stomach!Laughing

Quick Reply
Cancel
4 years ago  ::  Jan 05, 2011 - 8:15PM #24
appy20
Posts: 10,165

Dec 31, 2010 -- 5:21PM, DotNotInOz wrote:


There's something wrong with you married or single if you feel that other people must complete you and keep you from being lonely. It's quite possible to be more lonely when married than when single. Been there...


Until a person learns to live fully and well with yourself, you are unlikely to be happy in a close relationship with another person whether lover, spouse or simply friend.


Resolve to find contentment for yourself or get therapy if you cannot do that. The one person you have to live with for your whole life is YOU.





I used to believe that as well but it does appear, (and there research to back this up) that some people do need more companionship than others.  They are not wired to be alone very much.  Some of us are wired the other way.  The trick in life is to be content with who you are.  If you need company, there is nothing wrong with that.  If you don't, there isn't anything wrong with that.  We have stop insisting that everyone feel and live the same way.  We are all different and have different needs.  Those needs are not wrong.


People who need companionship are not defective because they do.  Some people are not designed to live alone.  Some of us aren't designed to live with anyone else.


If we stop judging others and walk a mile in their shoes rather than try to squeeze them into ours, then the pressure on everyone lets up. 


Just let people be.

Quick Reply
Cancel
4 years ago  ::  Jan 06, 2011 - 4:36AM #25
DotNotInOz
Posts: 6,833

I wasn't very clear what exactly I meant, Appy. Sorry about that.


I didn't mean someone who doesn't need companionship. I certainly agree that some of us need that more than others and furthermore, that there are levels of sociability.


What I meant was a co-dependent neediness that demands a partner to keep from feeling inadequate. Such people are the ones who tend to pick a lover or spouse out of desperation rather than a desire to mate.


That's a somewhat different state, IMO, than needing people in one's life and thus desiring to be partnered rather than single.

Quick Reply
Cancel
4 years ago  ::  Jan 31, 2011 - 10:25AM #26
Smob
Posts: 2

I'm 35, divorced, and just coming out of long-term-relationship #2 after my divorce (which was in 2007).


I don't see myself as a failure at all.  In fact I am embracing my new singleness and I welcome it after the sick relationships I've been in over the last 3-3.5 years.  Seems like all I attract are spongers and users. 


Now I finally have my  home and my life to myself again and it would take an EXTREMELY special man to change that.  I don't think he exists.

Quick Reply
Cancel
4 years ago  ::  Feb 10, 2011 - 6:19PM #27
Bezant
Posts: 1,338
On the title question: heck no! Sometimes relationships are worse. I came out of a relationship months back that was sh^t, and I'm glad I did.
Quick Reply
Cancel
4 years ago  ::  Feb 10, 2011 - 6:25PM #28
Bezant
Posts: 1,338

Jan 6, 2011 -- 4:36AM, DotNotInOz wrote:


What I meant was a co-dependent neediness that demands a partner to keep from feeling inadequate. Such people are the ones who tend to pick a lover or spouse out of desperation rather than a desire to mate.


That's a somewhat different state, IMO, than needing people in one's life and thus desiring to be partnered rather than single.




The shade's difference between the sayings "I need you because I love you" vs. "I love you because I need you."

You see it all the time; people get into relationships to fill (a) void(s), and then one or both partners don't know why they ended up together in the first place. Then they seperate and feel just as--if not more--lost than when they partnered, because that void is still empty.

I think, strongly, that if you're not confident with yourself and your life, you shouldn't be in a relationship. Nobody can give it to you--you got to earn it for yourself.

Quick Reply
Cancel
4 years ago  ::  Mar 13, 2011 - 1:10AM #29
Ethelq5
Posts: 56

Apr 18, 2010 -- 5:12PM, Sistah1 wrote:


I'm tired of the assumption that if an older person (35 and up) is single, then there must be something wrong with him or her. Isn't it possible that these singles just haven't found the right matches yet?


 


singleindependentsistah.wordpress.com/20...





being single doesnt mean you are alone. You still have your family and friends to love and care for you....if you we're to ask me, i'd rather stay single and worryfree than be with someone who will only make each day a misery...

Quick Reply
Cancel
3 years ago  ::  Jun 01, 2011 - 10:44AM #30
Ladyghosthunter
Posts: 19

I was in a marriage for 12 years that literally was all about his success, not mine. Although I do have some responsibility in the failure of the marriage, I do believe that when I had my gastric bypass and got the attention of people, he became insecure and called me just about every name in the book, making me feel worse.


I have many flaws in me that I need to work out however as I do not blame him for everything that went wrong in our marriage. Am I flawed? In many ways, however, by being single means you have control over your life and what you want without having to take care of someone. You have the control and some people can be threatened by this kind of survivalist control you have. You live life on your own terms...


 

Quick Reply
Cancel
Page 3 of 5  •  Prev 1 2 3 4 5 Next
 
    Viewing this thread :: 0 registered and 1 guest
    No registered users viewing
    Advertisement

    Beliefnet On Facebook