Jan 2, 2011 -- 11:00AM, DotNotInOz wrote:

Note, please, that I said deciding that one needs help is ALMOST like the first step of a 12-step program. That scarcely makes the admission at all akin to working a program which has a great deal more to it.

I really don't understand, I guess, what you mean when you say "personal-spiritual path." It seems to me unnecessary and confusing terminology for what I see as simply the ability to admit that you can't solve your own problems but can muster the determination to find professional help and then work to become better adjusted.

As I said before, I agree that some people seem unable to do that just as 12-step programs do not work for everyone.

IMHO, Denying one's own personal responsibility is a flaw. 

Dec 31, 2010 -- 5:21PM, DotNotInOz wrote:

There's something wrong with you married or single if you feel that other people must complete you and keep you from being lonely. It's quite possible to be more lonely when married than when single. Been there...

Until a person learns to live fully and well with yourself, you are unlikely to be happy in a close relationship with another person whether lover, spouse or simply friend.

Resolve to find contentment for yourself or get therapy if you cannot do that. The one person you have to live with for your whole life is YOU.

I used to believe that as well but it does appear, (and there research to back this up) that some people do need more companionship than others.  They are not wired to be alone very much.  Some of us are wired the other way.  The trick in life is to be content with who you are.  If you need company, there is nothing wrong with that.  If you don't, there isn't anything wrong with that.  We have stop insisting that everyone feel and live the same way.  We are all different and have different needs.  Those needs are not wrong.

People who need companionship are not defective because they do.  Some people are not designed to live alone.  Some of us aren't designed to live with anyone else.

If we stop judging others and walk a mile in their shoes rather than try to squeeze them into ours, then the pressure on everyone lets up. 

Just let people be.

I was in a marriage for 12 years that literally was all about his success, not mine. Although I do have some responsibility in the failure of the marriage, I do believe that when I had my gastric bypass and got the attention of people, he became insecure and called me just about every name in the book, making me feel worse.

I have many flaws in me that I need to work out however as I do not blame him for everything that went wrong in our marriage. Am I flawed? In many ways, however, by being single means you have control over your life and what you want without having to take care of someone. You have the control and some people can be threatened by this kind of survivalist control you have. You live life on your own terms...