I can only speak for myself but I finally found my partner when I hit 36.  I was single for a good 10 years before that and I can honestly say that I am glad I did not compromise and stuck to my ideals as I have a lovely spiritual partner.

The biggest thing is to ignore the people who tell you how to live your life.  It is YOUR life and if you choose to be single for the whole of it, more power to you.

I enjoyed my single years and was probably more sociable and active when I was single because it pushes you to make new friends, try new hobbies and step outside your boundaries.  It can sometimes be too easy to become complacent and rely on your partner for companionship and not make the effort to get out and about.  In this way your life does not have quite the same richness as when you are single.

Dec 27, 2010 -- 7:44PM, Guessses wrote:

Unfortunately,  "Lonely" comes from within and no amount of companionship will help. (Trust me)

Guesses, you are so right.

I really admire people who, rather than settle for a not right person, stay single.  There's a big push (I think) for people (especially women) to find a "better half", and I think it makes us feel that on our own we're not enough.  We're halves looking for the other half to make us whole.  I think that can be dangerous thinking.

Dec 28, 2010 -- 3:42PM, Guessses wrote:

Dec 28, 2010 -- 2:58PM, piecesofthewhole wrote:

Dec 27, 2010 -- 7:44PM, Guessses wrote:

Unfortunately,  "Lonely" comes from within and no amount of companionship will help. (Trust me)

Guesses, you are so right.

I really admire people who, rather than settle for a not right person, stay single.  There's a big push (I think) for people (especially women) to find a "better half", and I think it makes us feel that on our own we're not enough.  We're halves looking for the other half to make us whole.  I think that can be dangerous thinking.

Stigma and bias by "the norm" puts people in a bind! Supposedly, if a guy is over 30 and single "he must be gay". I hate that people do that, but sometimes "society sucks" LOL

With us women, we get the gay thing from people who see we don't feel desperate.  Women who are unmarried are supposed to be desperate.  Now, I have come to terms with people thinking I am gay (Although, I actually think that hurt me in the dating field when I was much younger and interested in finding a good man.  Men would not consider me because so many folks were telling them I was gay. Just because I lived in  an area with a very, very poor dating pool and I just don't ask for trouble.)  That does not bother me.  However, there are men, especially, that think I am desperate and if I speak to them I am going to try and drag them to the alter.  NOW, that is insulting.   

When I was young, if I had found a great guy, I would have married.  I didn't.  I also didn't settle for less than a great guy.  Now, I am too content. I wouldn't take even a great guy.

Now, i could have married badly.  I had plenty of those options if I had encouraged them.  I would just be divorced with children with genes I didn't respect.  No one would have won with that.

There's something wrong with you married or single if you feel that other people must complete you and keep you from being lonely. It's quite possible to be more lonely when married than when single. Been there...

Until a person learns to live fully and well with yourself, you are unlikely to be happy in a close relationship with another person whether lover, spouse or simply friend.

Resolve to find contentment for yourself or get therapy if you cannot do that. The one person you have to live with for your whole life is YOU.

Dec 31, 2010 -- 5:30PM, Guessses wrote:

While I understand the altruism of your statement, most people never get that far along their Personal-Spiritual path.  Therefore, such truths are hardly heard and much less received. 

I acknowledge that some people haven't enough self-awareness to realize that they need help if they're unable to live contentedly single.

However, I don't see it as you do, Mike, as a "Personal-Spiritual path." I think it has more to do with what almost amounts to a 12-step program's first step, admitting that you can't help yourself and getting therapy to find out how to fix what's wrong.

Anyone unable to do that likely has significant personal problems anyway.

Determination is a big part of the picture, although I can agree that perhaps many people lack that quality. If so, then they're likely not only to feel powerless but to blame others for their misery.