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Switch to Forum Live View Does Being Single Mean There's Something Wrong With You?
4 years ago  ::  Aug 22, 2010 - 7:11PM #11
Leolotus
Posts: 74

I can only speak for myself but I finally found my partner when I hit 36.  I was single for a good 10 years before that and I can honestly say that I am glad I did not compromise and stuck to my ideals as I have a lovely spiritual partner.


The biggest thing is to ignore the people who tell you how to live your life.  It is YOUR life and if you choose to be single for the whole of it, more power to you.


I enjoyed my single years and was probably more sociable and active when I was single because it pushes you to make new friends, try new hobbies and step outside your boundaries.  It can sometimes be too easy to become complacent and rely on your partner for companionship and not make the effort to get out and about.  In this way your life does not have quite the same richness as when you are single.


 

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3 years ago  ::  Dec 27, 2010 - 7:44PM #12
Guessses
Posts: 2,233

Unfortunately,  "Lonely" comes from within and no amount of companionship will help. (Trust me)

Infinite Blessings
Mike/NAFOD
"Lord, please, protect me from Your followers!"
"WWBD? Buddha- Does it matter? If you are enlightened it does not. If you are not enlightened it still doesn't matter."
"If you go looking to place blame, eventually you'll wind up blaming the Gods"
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3 years ago  ::  Dec 28, 2010 - 2:58PM #13
piecesofthewhole
Posts: 1,380

Dec 27, 2010 -- 7:44PM, Guessses wrote:


Unfortunately,  "Lonely" comes from within and no amount of companionship will help. (Trust me)





Guesses, you are so right.


I really admire people who, rather than settle for a not right person, stay single.  There's a big push (I think) for people (especially women) to find a "better half", and I think it makes us feel that on our own we're not enough.  We're halves looking for the other half to make us whole.  I think that can be dangerous thinking.

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3 years ago  ::  Dec 28, 2010 - 3:42PM #14
Guessses
Posts: 2,233

Dec 28, 2010 -- 2:58PM, piecesofthewhole wrote:


Dec 27, 2010 -- 7:44PM, Guessses wrote:


Unfortunately,  "Lonely" comes from within and no amount of companionship will help. (Trust me)





Guesses, you are so right.


I really admire people who, rather than settle for a not right person, stay single.  There's a big push (I think) for people (especially women) to find a "better half", and I think it makes us feel that on our own we're not enough.  We're halves looking for the other half to make us whole.  I think that can be dangerous thinking.




Stigma and bias by "the norm" puts people in a bind! Supposedly, if a guy is over 30 and single "he must be gay". I hate that people do that, but sometimes "society sucks" LOL

Infinite Blessings
Mike/NAFOD
"Lord, please, protect me from Your followers!"
"WWBD? Buddha- Does it matter? If you are enlightened it does not. If you are not enlightened it still doesn't matter."
"If you go looking to place blame, eventually you'll wind up blaming the Gods"
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3 years ago  ::  Dec 28, 2010 - 3:56PM #15
appy20
Posts: 10,165

Dec 28, 2010 -- 3:42PM, Guessses wrote:


Dec 28, 2010 -- 2:58PM, piecesofthewhole wrote:


Dec 27, 2010 -- 7:44PM, Guessses wrote:


Unfortunately,  "Lonely" comes from within and no amount of companionship will help. (Trust me)





Guesses, you are so right.


I really admire people who, rather than settle for a not right person, stay single.  There's a big push (I think) for people (especially women) to find a "better half", and I think it makes us feel that on our own we're not enough.  We're halves looking for the other half to make us whole.  I think that can be dangerous thinking.




Stigma and bias by "the norm" puts people in a bind! Supposedly, if a guy is over 30 and single "he must be gay". I hate that people do that, but sometimes "society sucks" LOL




With us women, we get the gay thing from people who see we don't feel desperate.  Women who are unmarried are supposed to be desperate.  Now, I have come to terms with people thinking I am gay (Although, I actually think that hurt me in the dating field when I was much younger and interested in finding a good man.  Men would not consider me because so many folks were telling them I was gay. Just because I lived in  an area with a very, very poor dating pool and I just don't ask for trouble.)  That does not bother me.  However, there are men, especially, that think I am desperate and if I speak to them I am going to try and drag them to the alter.  NOW, that is insulting.   


When I was young, if I had found a great guy, I would have married.  I didn't.  I also didn't settle for less than a great guy.  Now, I am too content. I wouldn't take even a great guy.


Now, i could have married badly.  I had plenty of those options if I had encouraged them.  I would just be divorced with children with genes I didn't respect.  No one would have won with that.


 

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3 years ago  ::  Dec 30, 2010 - 7:50AM #16
Guessses
Posts: 2,233

Dec 28, 2010 -- 3:56PM, appy20 wrote:


 


With us women, we get the gay thing from people who see we don't feel desperate.  Women who are unmarried are supposed to be desperate.  Now, I have come to terms with people thinking I am gay (Although, I actually think that hurt me in the dating field when I was much younger and interested in finding a good man.  Men would not consider me because so many folks were telling them I was gay. Just because I lived in  an area with a very, very poor dating pool and I just don't ask for trouble.)  That does not bother me.  However, there are men, especially, that think I am desperate and if I speak to them I am going to try and drag them to the alter.  NOW, that is insulting.   


When I was young, if I had found a great guy, I would have married.  I didn't.  I also didn't settle for less than a great guy.  Now, I am too content. I wouldn't take even a great guy.


Now, i could have married badly.  I had plenty of those options if I had encouraged them.  I would just be divorced with children with genes I didn't respect.  No one would have won with that.


 




I quite understand. In 1980, when the Military first tried to go "completely co-ed", women , according to many of my mentally under-developed coworkers, either had to date (and then be called sluts) or not-date (and then be called "gay"). I don't agree with that attitude and consider it completely barbaric. In the end, My parents always taught me to "not care what others think" about me, being myself was most important.


Peace,


Mike

Infinite Blessings
Mike/NAFOD
"Lord, please, protect me from Your followers!"
"WWBD? Buddha- Does it matter? If you are enlightened it does not. If you are not enlightened it still doesn't matter."
"If you go looking to place blame, eventually you'll wind up blaming the Gods"
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3 years ago  ::  Dec 31, 2010 - 5:21PM #17
DotNotInOz
Posts: 6,832

There's something wrong with you married or single if you feel that other people must complete you and keep you from being lonely. It's quite possible to be more lonely when married than when single. Been there...


Until a person learns to live fully and well with yourself, you are unlikely to be happy in a close relationship with another person whether lover, spouse or simply friend.


Resolve to find contentment for yourself or get therapy if you cannot do that. The one person you have to live with for your whole life is YOU.

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3 years ago  ::  Dec 31, 2010 - 5:30PM #18
Guessses
Posts: 2,233

Dec 31, 2010 -- 5:21PM, DotNotInOz wrote:


There's something wrong with you married or single if you feel that other people must complete you and keep you from being lonely. It's quite possible to be more lonely when married than when single. Been there...


Until a person learns to live fully and well with yourself, you are unlikely to be happy in a close relationship with another person whether lover, spouse or simply friend.


Resolve to find contentment for yourself or get therapy if you cannot do that. The one person you have to live with for your whole life is YOU.




While I understand the altruism of your statement, most people never get that far along their Personal-Spiritual path.  Therefore, such truths are hardly heard and much less received. 


Peace,


Mike

Infinite Blessings
Mike/NAFOD
"Lord, please, protect me from Your followers!"
"WWBD? Buddha- Does it matter? If you are enlightened it does not. If you are not enlightened it still doesn't matter."
"If you go looking to place blame, eventually you'll wind up blaming the Gods"
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3 years ago  ::  Jan 01, 2011 - 6:09PM #19
DotNotInOz
Posts: 6,832

Dec 31, 2010 -- 5:30PM, Guessses wrote:

While I understand the altruism of your statement, most people never get that far along their Personal-Spiritual path.  Therefore, such truths are hardly heard and much less received. 



I acknowledge that some people haven't enough self-awareness to realize that they need help if they're unable to live contentedly single.


However, I don't see it as you do, Mike, as a "Personal-Spiritual path." I think it has more to do with what almost amounts to a 12-step program's first step, admitting that you can't help yourself and getting therapy to find out how to fix what's wrong.


Anyone unable to do that likely has significant personal problems anyway.


Determination is a big part of the picture, although I can agree that perhaps many people lack that quality. If so, then they're likely not only to feel powerless but to blame others for their misery.

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3 years ago  ::  Jan 01, 2011 - 6:24PM #20
Guessses
Posts: 2,233

Jan 1, 2011 -- 6:09PM, DotNotInOz wrote:


Dec 31, 2010 -- 5:30PM, Guessses wrote:

While I understand the altruism of your statement, most people never get that far along their Personal-Spiritual path.  Therefore, such truths are hardly heard and much less received. 



I acknowledge that some people haven't enough self-awareness to realize that they need help if they're unable to live contentedly single.


However, I don't see it as you do, Mike, as a "Personal-Spiritual path." I think it has more to do with what almost amounts to a 12-step program's first step, admitting that you can't help yourself and getting therapy to find out how to fix what's wrong.


Anyone unable to do that likely has significant personal problems anyway.


Determination is a big part of the picture, although I can agree that perhaps many people lack that quality. If so, then they're likely not only to feel powerless but to blame others for their misery.




Ah, yes, but the fact that the 12-Step programs do not assist everyone, still places what you've stated in the realm of personal.


Peace,


Mike

Infinite Blessings
Mike/NAFOD
"Lord, please, protect me from Your followers!"
"WWBD? Buddha- Does it matter? If you are enlightened it does not. If you are not enlightened it still doesn't matter."
"If you go looking to place blame, eventually you'll wind up blaming the Gods"
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