Gatitoplata,

Welcome to the forum - and sorry for the difficulties you are experiencing in your relationship.

You are unhappy with the increasing frequency of disagreements, and perhaps even more unhappy about being blamed for the cause of them. You are quite correct in identifying communication as a key component of how the relationship will go. If things continue as they have, they will only get worse and the relationship itself may be in jeopardy. With improved communication skills, you may be able to get to the bottom of what the real issues are and perhaps be able to move forward in a more positive way.

Please realize that for many men it is difficult to talk about emotions, especially painful ones, and so this may be more of a challenge for him than for you.

Also please recognize that you cannot change him, only yourself. So if you want him to be a better listener, it is best if you start by being a better listener yourself. You might say that is not fair, and you would probably be right. The question is what you are willing to do to get what you desire - a more loving relationship with fewer conflicts, where thoughts and feelings are shared.

The key to being a good listener is not so much to hear the words that are being said, but to "get" what is underneath them. When he calls you a b***h, he is really expressing some kind of pain he feels and knows no other way of expressing it. Naturally you feel hurt by being called such a thing by someone you care deeply about, and it is also natural to immediately react. Consider another approach - instead of reacting (verbally or non-verbally), try getting what is underneath the words. You might try things like "So there is something you are seeing that is very uncomfortable for you." or "So you don't want to fight either, and don't feel you can do anything about it." In other words, validate where he is coming from first. Then, when things are calmer, express how you are always open to hearing what he is thinking or feeling - and it is not okay to be called things like "b***h."

Again, you cannot force him to be a better communicator - however, if you work on becoming a better one yourself, you may be able to model for him what it looks like. Also, by gently (and firmly)setting a limit on what is okay (and not okay) with you, you are helping to teach him how you are to be treated.

As a final note, understand that conflict is a natural part of any relationship. If a couple never has any, then chances are that one (or both) are not really "showing up" to the other.

I wish you all the best.

As a relationship progresses, especially if there is increasing responsibility ... such as homemaking or childrearing ... tensions increase on both sides.  

Typically, this is how it works.  The male of the species, faced with such tension, withdraws.  The female of the species harps.  The male resents the harping, the female gets nervy about the silence, and both continue on in the same vein until there is an argument.

One of you has to be the grown-up.  Since he doesn't even recognize it as a problem, it sounds like it has to be you.

Try ignoring the silence or provocation and continue on as before.  It takes two to tango, honey, and he isn't going to dance alone.

I don't think you should stand being called "female dog."  I have never had an argument with a guy that got that nasty.  Hopefully, you aren't calling him similar names.  If both of you get this ugly, you should try some therapy. If he is the only one using such language, you should walk.  That would not have been a relationship I would have tolerated nor would have grieved over losing.

I'm with you withfear.  No excuse for a guy to call his girl a b...h, even if she gives him some reason to do so.

On the other hand, if it was a really, really heated situation and she was 'on his butt' and he did it only once and never again, then maybe I would give it a pass.

But name calling is a form of violence, albeit verbal assault.

Calling your mate a b...h especially if you have not been assaulted yourself with insults is a very bad sign and indication of narcissism and immaturity.

STAY AWAY!!!!