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8 years ago  ::  Mar 24, 2010 - 12:25PM #1
Anesis
Anesis
Posts: 1,543

Sometimes guys will ask for a formal date. Other guys will ask to spend time together more casually and it leaves me wondering if it is a request for a date or just a friendly outing. Either way, how can a woman politely decline without offending the one who is asking?
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8 years ago  ::  Mar 25, 2010 - 1:16AM #2
lil_lamb
lil_lamb
Posts: 2,898

i guess what you're asking is how to decline romantic involvement. i guess in my book it wouldn't be necessary, since it's the dating stage. i'd say i don't have any extra time at the moment, which i think is fair. i mean if i had time to kill, i'd probably give it a whirl, having nothing better to do.
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8 years ago  ::  Mar 26, 2010 - 9:17PM #3
Hatman
Hatman
Posts: 9,954
Anesis-
IMO, the best way to do this is to be straight-up and honest with the guy; if he asks you out, say "No, thanks."  If he asks why, tell him---bluntly, but with kindness, if possible.  For example, you could say, "I'm just not attracted to you."  Then you could add the normal brush-off talk about how he's a great guy, and it's nothing personal, and don't take it the wrong way, and you'll meet someone someday, blah-blah-blah.

IME, if you pussyfoot around and make up lame excuses("I'm too busy."  "Ok, when are you NOT busy?"  "I have to do my hair that night."  "Do you do your hair EVERY night?"), all you do is set yourself up for more and more attempts, 'til he FINALLY gets a clue, at which point he IS likely to be upset/angry, etc.

Warmest regards-

Hatman
"History records that the moneychangers have used every form of abuse, deceit, intrigue, and violent means possible to maintain their control over governments by controlling money and it's issuance."
-- James Madison(1751-1836), Father of the Constitution for the USA, 4th US President
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8 years ago  ::  Mar 29, 2010 - 12:01PM #4
Ageo
Ageo
Posts: 453

Mar 24, 2010 -- 12:25PM, Anesis wrote:


Sometimes guys will ask for a formal date. Other guys will ask to spend time together more casually and it leaves me wondering if it is a request for a date or just a friendly outing. Either way, how can a woman politely decline without offending the one who is asking?




Consider this:


Direct:


1. You are asked out.


2. You say "no, thank you."


3. The man may say "Why?"


4. You say "I don't feel attracted to you."


5. The man may say "ok.  Have a nice day."


 


Indirection:


1. You are asked out.


2. You say "I need to tend to my gardens."


3. The man calls again "How about we go do something fun?"  (more friendly: perhaps he thinks you're playing a game?)


4. You say "I have an appointment."


5. The man says "I will call back later."


6 Go back to step 1, until discouragement arises in the man, as he realizes you truly don't like him, and what he heard from you were lies to "politely" save his feelings.  Yet his feelings were not saved, and he now dislikes you and your lies.  Thus, he does not have respect for you, as he can not to relate to your understandings, and you did not relate to his.


Either way some disappointment may be known.  The indirect way leads to wasted time, effort, and energy.


Be direct, but not hurtful.  Respect the others, as you respect your self.  You need not like or feel attraction to every man, as every man need not like and feel attraction to you.
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