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Switch to Forum Live View Can You Control Who You Attract?
4 years ago  ::  Mar 17, 2010 - 9:49AM #1
Sistah1
Posts: 47

One of my friends theorizes that we sometimes attract what we fear the most. So, if you’re worried about having to support a man, the jobless will find you irresistible. Is there some validity to this? Can we be so focused on what we absolutely do not want that we subliminally attract just that?


singleindependentsistah.wordpress.com/20...

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4 years ago  ::  Mar 17, 2010 - 1:32PM #2
lil_lamb
Posts: 2,898

ya, it's probably a case of only being able to see what you're looking out for. that and the brain doesn't really do negatives - i.e., it's harder to process a *don't* than a *do.*

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4 years ago  ::  Mar 17, 2010 - 1:43PM #3
appy20
Posts: 10,165

I don't think so.  The few men that I have liked and liked me were great.  The people my friends often get are pretty dang awful.  I tend to think most men are awful but the most of the men that did like me were not awful at all.  Occasionally, a loser will become attracted to me but losers chase after everything with a XX chromosomes.  I don't believe you can control every freaking idiot that is going to get a hankering for you but you can choose you become involved with.  


I do think a lot of women are not comfortable with the idea of limited dating options and pretend they can have any guy they want.  The reality is that if they wanted Brad Pitt and didn't look like Angelina Jolie or Jennifer Anniston, they wouldn't get him.  A lot of women and nearly all men don't size themselves up realistically when it comes to dating.  


As a woman who works with the general public, I have seen numerous times, a really awful guy come in and become fixated on every single woman who waits on him.  All of us.  We are not all alike.  If we could control who is attracted to, none of us would attract those dorks.  Yet, we all do.  Some are flattered by the attraction, some are repulsed, some are indifferent.  We all had different personalities, takes on life and reactions to the attraction.  Yet, the same guy approached all of us.  This was not rare.

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4 years ago  ::  Mar 17, 2010 - 9:45PM #4
lil_lamb
Posts: 2,898

appy, on that note - i'll amend my post to read, "we notice most the type of guy that we fear most."

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4 years ago  ::  Mar 22, 2010 - 11:46AM #5
Green.is.my.favorite.color
Posts: 381

It seems pretty basic to me: you can't control what people think. And to try to seems like an awful waste of energy.


Maybe its just me, though.

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4 years ago  ::  Mar 22, 2010 - 1:02PM #6
appy20
Posts: 10,165

Mar 22, 2010 -- 11:46AM, Green.is.my.favorite.color wrote:


It seems pretty basic to me: you can't control what people think. And to try to seems like an awful waste of energy.


Maybe its just me, though.




Amen.

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4 years ago  ::  Apr 07, 2010 - 11:41PM #7
Patricklongworth
Posts: 213

Controlling whom we might attract?  I'm not sure how much control we as individuals have, certainly our influence over others may be minimal at best.  However, if we do certain things or behave in particular ways then we might be more likely to attract either those whom we want to be around or those whom we don't want to be around.  It's a difficult problem.

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4 years ago  ::  Apr 10, 2010 - 1:02PM #8
lulu2
Posts: 454

We are drawn most times, to people, or people to us, on an unconsiouc basis. They come into our lives for a reason. Its for us to better understand ourselves. We have little control , unless we learn the lessons presented us. Each lesson learned , allows more decernment on our part, to make better decisions as to who we want or what we will no long accept. This is  lifes journey.. to know better who we are, and in turn what we truly want in life.

Without the Soul of Christ alive in us...we are nothing but empty shells...
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4 years ago  ::  Nov 21, 2010 - 2:44PM #9
Katja144
Posts: 57

I dunno, I think you can sometimes.  I used to tend to attract weirdos and such in high school.  In at least two instances, I am certain it was because I was too nice--both of these were guys that other people had said they didn't like, or downright warned me away from, and I decided to be "nice" and not be one of those people who forms opinions of a person based on what someone else said.  Then had to unstick myself from these guys.  Now I know to at least listen to what somebody tells me about another person, and if I decide to form my own opinion, to try to keep a bit of distance and not act too friendly until I know the person better and know whether the first person was right or not!  Since being more careful (and probably gaining some confidence in college so I didn't seem desperate or socially outcast, therefore attracting the other desperate or socially-outcast types), I've done a lot better.


The way you act, I think, can make a big difference.  If you act like you really value yourself, if you're picky about who you flirt with and show interest in and such, you'll be less likely to attract people who don't value you because they'll sense you're not desperate enough to allow them to treat you badly.  For example, if you act meek and mousy, you'll probably attract the type of person who likes meek and mousy people they can boss around.  If you act like you won't take any crap, these people will probably steer clear.


There'll always be somebody you can't put off no matter what, but for a lot of people, I think you can control it.  And of course, even if you initially attract someone you're not into, how you treat it can make the difference.  All but the biggest idiots will be put off when you don't show any interest.

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4 years ago  ::  Nov 24, 2010 - 1:11AM #10
Spokenfor
Posts: 31

Mar 17, 2010 -- 9:49AM, Sistah1 wrote:


One of my friends theorizes that we sometimes attract what we fear the most. So, if you’re worried about having to support a man, the jobless will find you irresistible. Is there some validity to this? Can we be so focused on what we absolutely do not want that we subliminally attract just that?


singleindependentsistah.wordpress.com/20...





I definitely believe we attract mirror images of ourselves. When I was younger and much more insecure, wild, bitter, broken, etc, I only attracted men who had those same qualities, sometimes I did not notice them until much later. As I began to mature and my entire mind-set, and SPIRIT began to evolve and grow in the things of God, I began to attract men on my level. Mature, Godly men who loved God as I do. ( Even though I do not date and have not for some time).


You can only attract what you are, although you will always from time to time have someone not on your level 'try' you just for the sake of it.


In the end, we all give off energy and whatever energy you are putting out there, has to come back to you.


 


 

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