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Switch to Forum Live View Clarification needed in order to move on!!!
5 years ago  ::  Mar 11, 2010 - 5:35PM #1
tattwo
Posts: 286

This may be cut and dry but I need help wrapping my mind around this so that I can move on. I'm no longer with my exbf but I'm confused about a lot stuff that went down or things that were said. The main thing is my ex complemented all the time about my looks but he constantly search the "horizons" for women. I know men look at women but damn! Also, he'd make statements about my friends such as oh she has a pretty name and I would like to see if she's pretty like my name. I introduced him to my childhood best friend via cellphone and he told her ooh you sound pretty. WTF?!!!


It's some more things that went down and yes he's an ex for a reason - this exact reason that I talking about. What gets me is that he's soooooooo jealous of me. Meaning every time I go someone he thinks that I met a man or thinks that I sleep around. I know its his guilty conscious. However, my question is why does he care if another man is interested in me or threaten by another if he really don't want me? He spent the night at his ex's house and said he spending time with his kids. The kids are 13 and 17 c'mon!!! YET, he tells me he don't want another man touching me or don't want me to be with another man (give his "sex" up), but he pretty much wants to have his cake and eat it too! I know its selfishness but...he still have feelings for his ex and vice versa and looking for someone else too, then why did he want me in his life? I can't get a straight answer from him...of course.


I never been in a situation like this before so may be I'm in denial about this but its just mind boggling to me.

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5 years ago  ::  Mar 11, 2010 - 5:45PM #2
Wendyness
Posts: 3,012

Be ever so grateful he is your EX.  Count your blessings.  

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5 years ago  ::  Mar 15, 2010 - 6:50PM #3
IHOP
Posts: 2,179

You are right, it's cut and dry. 


Count your blessings.


Vent and fume.


then move on.

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5 years ago  ::  Mar 18, 2010 - 1:38PM #4
Hatman
Posts: 9,634
tattwo-
i agree with IHOP and the other responder, but perhaps for different reasons.

Let's imagine conversation, ok?

She:  "Why do you want to break up?"
He:  "I don't like you any more."
She:  "But WHY?"
He:  "I just don't."
She:  "Why?!?!  You SHOULD be able to TELL me!"
He:  "So?  I'm tellin' ya, i dunno."

Did she get any answers that she found acceptable?  No.  If he told her "Because you try to mother me, you snoop into every corner of my life, you accuse me of cheating every time i'm away from you for five minutes, you're demanding, selfish, piggish, and generally creepy," would this hurt or help the woman in question? 

In your particular situation, i'd venture to assert that he's continually on the lookout for other women, flattering them, sweet-talking them, ogling them because a) he's uncertain of his manhood, and feels the need to "prove" it with multiple sexual conquests, or b) he's trying(and apparently, succeeding) to keep you off-balance, skeptical of yourself, afraid and unsure.

So IMHO, the best thing for you to do would be to leave this guy and this TYPE of "man" alone, and keep them at least a block away from you at all times, if possible.

If NOT possible, be on your guard and keep your Mace or pepper spray or stun-gun or ACTUAL gun handy.

Warmest regards-

Hatman
"History records that the moneychangers have used every form of abuse, deceit, intrigue, and violent means possible to maintain their control over governments by controlling money and it's issuance."
-- James Madison(1751-1836), Father of the Constitution for the USA, 4th US President
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5 years ago  ::  Mar 19, 2010 - 10:24AM #5
appy20
Posts: 10,165

There is also a very real possibility that he doesn't know why. His brain could have moved on to being attracted to someone else.  Most men don't have the intellectual knowledge on biology so they don't realize it is happening.  


You don't need clarification.  Chances are he isn't capable of giving it.  Just move on and don't be so quick to idealize the next guy.  Find out who he is and most importantly, who he HAS BEEN before you give your all to him. Never forget, the most accurate prediction of future behavior is past behavior.

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5 years ago  ::  Mar 19, 2010 - 1:25PM #6
Hatman
Posts: 9,634

And to perhaps amplify Appy's contribution, i would strongly suggest that you memorize the following phrase, and apply it to EVERY male you meet in future:


"Believe NOTHING of what he SAYS.  Believe EVERYTHING he DOES."


Actions don't lie.  People do.


Warmest regards-


Hatman

"History records that the moneychangers have used every form of abuse, deceit, intrigue, and violent means possible to maintain their control over governments by controlling money and it's issuance."
-- James Madison(1751-1836), Father of the Constitution for the USA, 4th US President
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5 years ago  ::  Mar 20, 2010 - 7:14PM #7
REteach
Posts: 14,804

Is he stalking you?  His actions are those of a controlling abuser.  Him looking is one thing.  Controlling your actions, however, is a danger signal.  Not only stay away, consider getting a no-contact order if he doesn't stay away from you. 

I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize what you heard was not what I meant...
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5 years ago  ::  Mar 21, 2010 - 10:12PM #8
tattwo
Posts: 286

No he's not stalking me. Not 2 my knowledge. I feel better about the situation now.


I got away for awhile and put my life in perspective. So the clarification is no longer needed. It is what it is.

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