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Switch to Forum Live View What is the best advice anyone ever gave you about ending a bad relationship?
5 years ago  ::  Jan 29, 2010 - 9:49AM #1
Rev. Laurie Sue
Posts: 16

We've all been in bad, sad and difficult relationships in our lives. What is the best advice anyone has ever given you on ending a bad relationship? Did they encourage you to get out, leave, reclaiming yourself? We have all been in this boat and the advice that has helped you can help others. Please share your comments and stories in this thread.

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5 years ago  ::  Jan 30, 2010 - 10:42AM #2
Sweetdominique
Posts: 45

Actually, I have not been given any advice. I was always the one who had to comfort others and had to give them advice. this does not definitely work for everyone, but I believe that:

  • see even the "worst" relationships as blessings - we are here to learn
  • remeber the really good things that were experienced together
  • let go off pain and forgive quickly
  • do not bear grudges
  • move on as quickly as possible
  • open one's heart for other wonderful people that are out there

It is not always easy to forget, forgive, and move on. Some people carry their pain for a very long time and close their hearts, because they do not want to be hurt. Tragically, they end up in similar relationships over and over again. Unresolved issues are being carried over into a new relationship and the story begins to write itself anew.



My advice is not to waste time in pain, but to open the heart and the mind for a new experience. There are many wonderful people out there waiting to love and be loved...


With Love Light and Laughter - Dominique


 

Our nutrition affects not only our physical bodies but also our minds and emotions. After choosing raw lifestyle I observed increased clarity of the mind and phenomenal lightness of being.
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4 years ago  ::  Feb 03, 2010 - 1:45PM #3
Jesse
Posts: 1

God created a man for his glory, and created a woman for the glory of the man, and told her that her desires should be unto the man; but man's desires should be unto God, it is the Spiritual values that holds relationships together. but if there is no spiritual values involved it is necessary to get counseling to get prospectives right before leaving a marriage, otherwise you take your problems into another relationship with some-one-else.


Jesse D

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4 years ago  ::  Feb 03, 2010 - 4:21PM #4
Hatman
Posts: 9,634

.Meet in a public place; bring your own transportation. If you know or suspect that your stbx has a temper, get there early and explain what's about to happen to the manager, so that he or she can keep a weather eye so as to call the cops if necessary.


As a further precaution, one may also wish to have friends(witnesses) nearby, not within normal conversational-tone earshot, but close enough to hear and react should voices be raised.


Afterwards, no matter what happens, remember that ex's are ex's for a REASON.


I feel that no matter how long or short the relationship, one should do the other the courtesy of a face-to-face breakup, not take the coward's way out by:


1.  Refusing to take or answer calls/texts/emails.


2.  Breaking up BY call/text/email.


3.  Leaving a message on their answering machine.


Unless, of course, there has been SO much violence that the other has previously been arrested/convicted for it, then fuggetabowdit.  In such a case, find out how to get a restraining order, and don't be slow about it.


Warmest regards-


Hatman

"History records that the moneychangers have used every form of abuse, deceit, intrigue, and violent means possible to maintain their control over governments by controlling money and it's issuance."
-- James Madison(1751-1836), Father of the Constitution for the USA, 4th US President
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4 years ago  ::  Feb 09, 2010 - 3:34PM #5
dmiwench
Posts: 1

Hatman gives good advice - it's common sense.


A big problem in one long-term relationship of mine was the guy wanting to make sure I suffered for an extended period of time. During the breakup (it took a while, as we lived together), he began doing things to impede the process and affect my emotions so he could trick me into staying. He even had friends and family members contact me after I left to offer me financial "deals". Lucky thing we never had kids.


After I left and had married someone else, he continued for some time to demand a token amount of money from me that he said "represented" what he'd spent on me over the years. He did this knowing we had nothing - he simply wanted to cause us financial difficulty and break us up. He made other demands as well, which I won't go into here. Suffice it to say that even non-violent people don't know when to let go.


My approach to ending any relationship is to cut it off as quickly and cleanly as possible. Because of this, I've been called cold, emotionless, Vulcan, Data, robot, ice princess, etc. You get the idea. I'm actually highly emotional, which is why I must take such drastic measures. The other person would never understand that I'm trying to make it easier for them, too. Why drag it out? It only causes excess suffering.


If you immerse myself in the ever-changing "game plan" of the breakup, it's that much harder to get away. The crap sneaks up on you in tiny increments, forcing you into one corner after another until you just say, "Oh, to hell with it, I'll just stay and deal with the crap. At least I'm familiar with it. Besides, it's too much trouble to get out."


If jumping through a few hoops ensures your ability to get away, then do it only as much as absolutely necessary. Just don't let it become the determining factor, or you'll be jumping through them for years after the breakup. If there's no good reason to be doing it (like kids from the previous relationship), that won't go over too well with your new mate.

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