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Switch to Forum Live View What is the best advice you have been given on coping with a broken heart?
8 years ago  ::  Sep 02, 2010 - 10:52AM #21
Posts: 1,407


Welcome to Beliefnet and to this small corner of the site! I hope you find sharing what is going on with you useful, and I also hope that the feedback you receive gives some new thoughts on how to proceed.

Hatman has given you much to think about, and I hope that you consider the thoughts expressed. I agree that it is helpful to find someone “better” but what I have in mind is not so much changing partners as it is seeing that “better” person looking back at you in the mirror.

Although you recognize in your mind that this relationship has not served you well, there is a part of you that feels compelled to keep it going - perhaps the same part that kept it going for so many years when what was happening was not okay with you. To paraphrase what Hatman expressed, nobody can make you feel bad without your implicit cooperation.

What I am suggesting is to look within yourself for the understanding of what you can do differently. There is something you are afraid of if you let this man go - perhaps it might help to explore what those fears are and where they come from. You feel guilty for being the catalyst behind this latest breakup - perhaps you hear expressions of anger and accusations. He is entitled to his thoughts and feelings - and so are you. What does it mean to you that someone you care about is angry or upset with you? Can you recall earlier times in your life when that may have happened, even times long ago as a child? What sometimes happens is that the echoes of those early reactions bubble up unconsciously in us when similar circumstances arise. The first step is to notice them, and then recognize that there are different choices we can make regardless of the feelings.

It might also help to imagine what you would tell a friend who came to you with the same story you have. What advice would you give her?


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8 years ago  ::  Sep 02, 2010 - 2:25PM #22
Posts: 3

Hi Annie Bee and Hatman.

Thank you both for replys and thoughts. They definitely hit home.  I have let him treat me that way he has and I don't have to.   I do believe i suffere from low self esteem especially after being with him.  However, i had to had it before i met him to allow is actions.  I am trying to be strong and keep telling myself that is not how you are suppose to be treated.

And, you are right I am afraid I will end up with someone worse.  One of the times we were apart for six months- I dated someone alot worse than him.  I need to be strong and learn to like myself before i ever consider another relationship.  

I am taking it one day at a time and praying that I will have strength to realize its for the best.  Its better to be alone and learn to live that way than it is to be with someone that makes you feel alone anyway.

And, also if i was to advise a friend and had witnessed situations I would definitely say why are you even sad.  Be glad he is gone and you are free to do as you like.   I would tell them look now you can buy something and not have to be scared he get mad especially when its your mine money.  I could go on and on.  So i should write the items down of what was good about him and what was bad.  


But anyway thank you both for responding and helping me make it though this day-- I don't feel so alone today.  Its hard to admit or tell others how he really was.  Which is funny because most i am sure knew how he was and just scared to say anything. Its like well if you want to put up with being treated that way than go ahead.   

But thanks again - very very much



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8 years ago  ::  Sep 03, 2010 - 8:41AM #23
Posts: 2,887

Hi Sally , your entry reminded me of me years ago . I was married and I am still married to the same man . I did leave him on different occasions at the advise of a priest and counselor . I think I was trying to be a savior . That obviously doe not work . What I need to change is me . Looking within is a good place to start . Why stick to someone married or not that makes you sick emotionally and I could go on .

I'm Catholic and the rule has always been to be the strong one . That is not entirely true. These are things we hear in our homes . It's always the fault of women  What is true is this . If there is no love in your marriage we have a tribunal for that in the Catholic Church . That is what the priest told us at Mass the other day . Somehow that hit my husband and he said to me ,"I love you ."

I love Psalm 33 . "...fear the Lord , O ye his sints ,

for they that fear Him know no want .

The powerful have become poor and have hungered ,

but they that seek the Lord shall lack no good thing . "

Just me
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8 years ago  ::  Sep 03, 2010 - 11:02AM #24
Posts: 1,407

Perhaps you are starting to recognize that you do have the ability to discern whether someone is or is not good for you. And maybe part of you also sees that you are worthy of having a wonderful and loving relationship with someone who cares about you and acts in accord with that. In other words, like your self more as you suggested.

It might help to understand that nearly everyone has insecurities in one form or another - some are adept at concealing them behind bravado or false esteem. Those who I have known with healthier self-esteem have usually gone through a process of accepting their feelings whether pleasant or unpleasant without judgment. That is, it is okay to feel sad, afraid, etc. - and those feelings don’t mean that one has to try to get rid of them, since that is often attempted by choices and actions that are not necessarily in one’s best interests (for example, staying for a long time with someone who is acting unacceptably out of fear of being alone).

You have also experienced how helpful it can be to share what is going on with you - I hope that you can continue to do so in whatever comes up for you. You never know when someone reading your words sees something that helps them with what they are struggling with.

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