Sally461,

Welcome to Beliefnet and to this small corner of the site! I hope you find sharing what is going on with you useful, and I also hope that the feedback you receive gives some new thoughts on how to proceed.

Hatman has given you much to think about, and I hope that you consider the thoughts expressed. I agree that it is helpful to find someone “better” but what I have in mind is not so much changing partners as it is seeing that “better” person looking back at you in the mirror.

Although you recognize in your mind that this relationship has not served you well, there is a part of you that feels compelled to keep it going - perhaps the same part that kept it going for so many years when what was happening was not okay with you. To paraphrase what Hatman expressed, nobody can make you feel bad without your implicit cooperation.

What I am suggesting is to look within yourself for the understanding of what you can do differently. There is something you are afraid of if you let this man go - perhaps it might help to explore what those fears are and where they come from. You feel guilty for being the catalyst behind this latest breakup - perhaps you hear expressions of anger and accusations. He is entitled to his thoughts and feelings - and so are you. What does it mean to you that someone you care about is angry or upset with you? Can you recall earlier times in your life when that may have happened, even times long ago as a child? What sometimes happens is that the echoes of those early reactions bubble up unconsciously in us when similar circumstances arise. The first step is to notice them, and then recognize that there are different choices we can make regardless of the feelings.

It might also help to imagine what you would tell a friend who came to you with the same story you have. What advice would you give her?

Blessings,
Arnie

Hi Sally , your entry reminded me of me years ago . I was married and I am still married to the same man . I did leave him on different occasions at the advise of a priest and counselor . I think I was trying to be a savior . That obviously doe not work . What I need to change is me . Looking within is a good place to start . Why stick to someone married or not that makes you sick emotionally and I could go on .

I'm Catholic and the rule has always been to be the strong one . That is not entirely true. These are things we hear in our homes . It's always the fault of women  What is true is this . If there is no love in your marriage we have a tribunal for that in the Catholic Church . That is what the priest told us at Mass the other day . Somehow that hit my husband and he said to me ,"I love you ."

I love Psalm 33 . "...fear the Lord , O ye his sints ,

for they that fear Him know no want .

The powerful have become poor and have hungered ,

but they that seek the Lord shall lack no good thing . "