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Switch to Forum Live View Who has the upper hand when it comes to dating, men or women?
4 years ago  ::  Jan 20, 2010 - 7:16AM #1
Sistah1
Posts: 47

singleindependentsistah.wordpress.com/20...


I tend to think men have the upper hand, since they decide who they'll committ to.


However, my buddy things women have control since men set the rules.

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4 years ago  ::  Jan 20, 2010 - 9:30AM #2
appy20
Posts: 10,165

I think men do because if you don't fit what they are looking for physically, there is nothing you can do to change their minds completely.  Or if you manage to, you are always the woman they "settled" for and won't hesitate to leave you when they find someone they feel a strong attraction to.

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4 years ago  ::  Jan 20, 2010 - 1:43PM #3
lil_lamb
Posts: 2,898

my priest told me "women decide". i decided he was correct. haha. but he'd had a long marriage before he became a priest (wife passed away).


i decided he was correct, because as i look back, i believe i did decide. but the decision wasn't to be found in my intellectualised feelings, the ones i was paying attention to. also, i expected them to approach life in a way that can only be produced by a female mind, and was constantly disappointed.


now i don't expect it, but i really still want it.

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4 years ago  ::  Jan 20, 2010 - 1:59PM #4
appy20
Posts: 10,165

Jan 20, 2010 -- 1:43PM, lil_lamb wrote:


my priest told me "women decide". i decided he was correct. haha. but he'd had a long marriage before he became a priest (wife passed away).


i decided he was correct, because as i look back, i believe i did decide. but the decision wasn't to be found in my intellectualised feelings, the ones i was paying attention to. also, i expected them to approach life in a way that can only be produced by a female mind, and was constantly disappointed.


now i don't expect it, but i really still want it.




That is only because men are totally oblivious to the women that they are not attracted to. Yes, the woman he is attracted to does have control but the one he isn't attracted to doesn't have a say in the matter at all.

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4 years ago  ::  Jan 20, 2010 - 5:40PM #5
lil_lamb
Posts: 2,898

Jan 20, 2010 -- 1:59PM, appy20 wrote:


That is only because men are totally oblivious to the women that they are not attracted to. Yes, the woman he is attracted to does have control but the one he isn't attracted to doesn't have a say in the matter at all.




it works the same way in reverse, though, doesn't it? at least, i know i'm pretty oblivious. like, a friend invited me to go to the movies with him and his friend. half way into the movie, i went *dang* - this friend of a friend, i'd been going to new year's parties at his house for three years and didn't know it. we'd even been hanging out, going to the movies like this and stuff, on a regular basis.


anyways, after that i decided the friend of the friend could be my boyfriend.


haha. i'm pretty bad.

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4 years ago  ::  Jan 20, 2010 - 7:11PM #6
Hatman
Posts: 9,634
Frankly, i don't understand the nature of the question in the first place.  Why should even a potential relationship begin on the shaky ground of a power struggle?

But since it is EXTREMELY rare for a woman to have the guts to risk rejection and ask a MAN out, i'd say that as the power to accept or reject a request for a date is in the WOMAN'S hands, then SHE, of course, would have the so-called "upper hand."

I also rather despise power struggles or having to assume a "one up" or "one down" position in the first place.  Such a stance rarely bodes well for a peaceful LTR, if that's what you want; if, instead, you WANT the adrenaline rush of continually struggling for the "upper hand," good luck with that.

Warmest regards-

Hatman
"History records that the moneychangers have used every form of abuse, deceit, intrigue, and violent means possible to maintain their control over governments by controlling money and it's issuance."
-- James Madison(1751-1836), Father of the Constitution for the USA, 4th US President
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4 years ago  ::  Jan 20, 2010 - 10:06PM #7
lil_lamb
Posts: 2,898

that was my first though, i admit, hatman. one should not be asking the question, if one wants to have hope.

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4 years ago  ::  Jan 20, 2010 - 11:23PM #8
parkin
Posts: 490

"Actually, now that I revisit this, I’m wondering whether it’s just a matter of which person is more interested in making the relationship work."


 


I agree with this statement.  It's whoever is more invested for whatever reason in the relationship working at the time.  In the relationship I'm in right now, it seems to vary quite a bit from day to day.  Sometimes I'm more invested and sometimes it's him.  It changes to a small degree depending on what's going on in each others' lives. 

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4 years ago  ::  Jan 21, 2010 - 12:55PM #9
appy20
Posts: 10,165

Jan 20, 2010 -- 5:40PM, lil_lamb wrote:


Jan 20, 2010 -- 1:59PM, appy20 wrote:


That is only because men are totally oblivious to the women that they are not attracted to. Yes, the woman he is attracted to does have control but the one he isn't attracted to doesn't have a say in the matter at all.




it works the same way in reverse, though, doesn't it? at least, i know i'm pretty oblivious. like, a friend invited me to go to the movies with him and his friend. half way into the movie, i went *dang* - this friend of a friend, i'd been going to new year's parties at his house for three years and didn't know it. we'd even been hanging out, going to the movies like this and stuff, on a regular basis.


anyways, after that i decided the friend of the friend could be my boyfriend.


haha. i'm pretty bad.




Lamb, men can do things to enhance their attractiveness.  They can earn more money or become good in sports or be funny or something.  They can earn love.  Women can't.  The guy's switch is either on or off.  Women's switch can move from off to on. 

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4 years ago  ::  Jan 21, 2010 - 1:08PM #10
ashavahista
Posts: 837

My wonder is that why women should choose looks and money over intelligence and creativity. I personally dislike being left out of the game because of this.

Reuben
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