Feb 12, 2010 -- 4:46PM, Erey wrote:

I think all women are different but I think the reason some women stay is that being abused is not that bad.  It might seem terrible to us but for them it is not that big a deal.  It is not that big a deal to have the cops come, not that big a deal to have to go to the ER, etc.  These are the ones that grew up with some of a similar family

 

Some of them actually like the drama, it makes them feel alive and important. They like all the passion and rage during the fight and they like all the passion and love when they make up.  You feel in control when you can elicit that kind of response out of a man. 

 

I think some women choose to ignore the signals, they want a man who will adore them. They need that.  Then latter when the guy feels comfortable enough with her to start to beat on her they are right in the middle of a commited relationship.  So they try to make it work out. 

 

I read somewhere it takes a abused woman 4 attempts to leave an abuser but eventually most leave.

I agree. I was in an abusive relationship, and I worked with several women who experienced abuse so serious they had to basically go into hiding in protected housing while they rebuilt their lives.

In my situation, I began the relationship when I was in a very bad mental state and couldn't recognize the warning signs. I thought that everything that was wrong was my fault because I was the one who was "messed up". Unfortunately, this wasn't the problem, and it crept up on me over two years until I was completely emotionally dependent on him. When he had gotten everything he wanted from me, we broke up. I'm very glad that we broke up, because I wasted enough time on him and on repairing myself mentally afterwards.

The problem is that people who have tendencies to be abusive, whether it be nature or nurture, can often recognize another person's capacity to be abused. It doesn't mean that it is premeditated necessarily, but these types of people tend to fall together in a bad way.

Often people won't leave an abusive relationship until they realize that their kids know what's going on.