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Switch to Forum Live View The Blame and Shame in Infidelity
5 years ago  ::  Nov 18, 2009 - 5:25PM #201
Wendyness
Posts: 3,012

 


 


The late writer Leonard Michaels once observed in his journal:  "Adultery is not about sex or romance. Ultimately, it is how little we mean to one another".  


 

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5 years ago  ::  Nov 18, 2009 - 5:59PM #202
Wendyness
Posts: 3,012

Look at the story of Princess Diana.  She was shamed and blamed.  She finally got up the courage to be happy.  And then she died.  Her role in the infidelity is stuff novels are made of.  

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5 years ago  ::  Nov 18, 2009 - 6:27PM #203
DAH54
Posts: 3,318

Nov 18, 2009 -- 5:25PM, Wendyness wrote:


 


 


The late writer Leonard Michaels once observed in his journal:  "Adultery is not about sex or romance. Ultimately, it is how little we mean to one another".  


 


 


 




It has been made abundantly clear to me how with certain beliefs systems marriage too is about how little we mean to one another

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5 years ago  ::  Nov 18, 2009 - 7:33PM #204
Wendyness
Posts: 3,012

Nov 18, 2009 -- 6:27PM, DAH54 wrote:


Nov 18, 2009 -- 5:25PM, Wendyness wrote:


 


 


The late writer Leonard Michaels once observed in his journal:  "Adultery is not about sex or romance. Ultimately, it is how little we mean to one another".  


 


 


 




It has been made abundantly clear to me how with certain beliefs systems marriage too is about how little we mean to one another




Oh you mean the belief system where infidelity is part of marriage.

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5 years ago  ::  Nov 18, 2009 - 9:14PM #205
REteach
Posts: 14,821

From The dilemma of unintentional discovery of misattributed paternity in living kidney donors and recipientsSchroder, Nina M Current Opinion in Organ Transplantation
Issue: Volume 14(2), April 2009, p 196–200


"Genetic textbooks and DNA studies cite a 10% incidence of misattributed paternity....In 1994, the Committee on Assessing Genetic Risks of the Institute of Medicine recommended that only the mother be informed of the misattributed paternity information [16]. Results from past surveys of geneticists and genetic counselors support this position. In an international survey of over 1000 medical genetic professionals (MDs and PhDs) conducted in 1985–1986, 96% of respondents indicated the belief that ‘the protection of the mother's confidentiality overrides disclosure of true paternity.’ Eighty-one percent of the 682 survey participants said that they would only disclose the information to the mother, 13% would lie about the findings, and 2% would tell the couple that a gene mutation was responsible for the disorder"


Apparently female infidelity is OK. Wow.  Can you imagine if it was the other way around and cheating fathers were being covered up for?

I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize what you heard was not what I meant...
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5 years ago  ::  Nov 19, 2009 - 8:53AM #206
appy20
Posts: 10,165

First of all, I never said that women who cheat are any better than men are.  I have no control over that. I am not one of the women who cheat and I don't have affairs with married men.  On that front, that is all I can do.  Many men are so led by their crotches that if you tell them the girl they have the hots for is a psychopath, they won't care.   Many nen don't care about their offspring as much as satisfying their sexual needs.


There is one gene linked to female infidelity and I think men who are cotemplating marriage have a right to this information.  I wish they would locate the gene for male infidelity and give women that option.


I will say this.  It is known that 35% of women cheat so that 10% of misattributed paternity most likely is part of that.   Even so, men have a 90% chance of being sure that their kids are theirs.  That is pretty high.  Women certainly don't have anywhere near that high a guarantee that men will not cheat on them.  I would take those 90% odds. Especially since in those 10% of the cases, most of those women most likely have other character issues that are obvious.

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5 years ago  ::  Nov 19, 2009 - 6:23PM #207
ArnieBeeGut
Posts: 1,407

I think that given the right circumstances, every person has the capacity to cheat. Obviously some are more disposed than others - and some have more opportunities than others - but the capacity is still there. So I believe that everyone has the "cheater" gene in them, and in some it expresses more than others.

There is of course a confounding factor between genetics and environment. I don't believe there have been the kind of logitudinal studies on separated twins or adopted children matched to biological parents that would be able to separate the two. Anecdotally at least, having a parent who cheats is a significant factor in a person being unfaithful themselves. Is it genetics or modeling? There is no definitive answer. However, again anecdotally, when the underlying factors are explored into cheating, there are a host of psychological factors that come into play for both partners.

Women at least have 100% certainty of the maternity of their children, which is substantially greater than the 90% paternity certainty.

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5 years ago  ::  Nov 20, 2009 - 9:29AM #208
appy20
Posts: 10,165

Nov 19, 2009 -- 6:23PM, ArnieBeeGut wrote:


I think that given the right circumstances, every person has the capacity to cheat. Obviously some are more disposed than others - and some have more opportunities than others - but the capacity is still there. So I believe that everyone has the "cheater" gene in them, and in some it expresses more than others.

There is of course a confounding factor between genetics and environment. I don't believe there have been the kind of logitudinal studies on separated twins or adopted children matched to biological parents that would be able to separate the two. Anecdotally at least, having a parent who cheats is a significant factor in a person being unfaithful themselves. Is it genetics or modeling? There is no definitive answer. However, again anecdotally, when the underlying factors are explored into cheating, there are a host of psychological factors that come into play for both partners.

Women at least have 100% certainty of the maternity of their children, which is substantially greater than the 90% paternity certainty.




There was a study of identical twins adopted at birth.  The twins matched their biological fathers in fidelity 85% of the time.  They have found the a gene or gene combo in women that, in one study, did exist predominantly in women who were serial cheaters.


No, everyone can't cheat.  You think everyone is too much alike.  There are some folks that are so physically uncomfortable when they lie that they have a much, much harder time doing it.  There are some people who are honest enough, Bill Maher for example, who know that they can't and don't want to be faithful. I admire and respect Bill Maher for being honest about himself.  Few people have the integrity or courage to be that honest.


Everything in behavior is a continuum.  Everything.   There are extremes on both ends of the continuum with most people being in the middle somewhere.  The genders do differ in where they fall on the cheating continuum.  Those at the extreme end of the continuum on the side of monogamy do have a much, much less inclination to fight.  Those on the far end of the cheating side, are swimming upstream when they try to be monogamous.


There is a male gene.  We alreday know that testosterone increases sex drive.  Women with high sex drives have high levels of testosterone.  Sex drive alone does not drive a cheater but it certainly makes it harder for the monogamous.


Certainty of maternity has no relevance to cheating.  A woman may know her child is hers but that doesn't mean her husband didn't screw 50 women while she was pregnant.

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5 years ago  ::  Nov 20, 2009 - 10:05AM #209
Tmarie64
Posts: 5,277

Key words... "DON'T WANT" ...   Humans CAN be faithful.  The genitalia is incapable of doing anything without the cooperation of the brain.


They CHOOSE to be unfaithful.

James Thurber - "It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers."
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5 years ago  ::  Nov 20, 2009 - 10:16AM #210
Wendyness
Posts: 3,012

Nov 20, 2009 -- 10:05AM, Tmarie64 wrote:


Key words... "DON'T WANT" ...   Humans CAN be faithful.  The genitalia is incapable of doing anything without the cooperation of the brain.


They CHOOSE to be unfaithful.




According to some on this post, yes they choose to be unfaithful, however, this choice is blamed on the dysfunction of the marriage.  The spouse plays a "role" in the breakdown, therefore, shares responsibility for the infidelity.

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