So you are confident that it will happen in time, but are not sure that you are willing to wait for an indefinite and unspecified amount of time.

Perhaps he has explained why he is so adamantly against the possibility of marrying you at some point in the future.

His parents were divorced then.

He is willing to make a lifelong commitment to you; he's just not willing to call it being married. Something has convinced him that if he were to get married to you it would necessarily to wind up like his parents.

Perhaps he is convinced that any children he had would have just as bad a childhood as he did.

Maybe you feel that his attitude will change with time as well, however.

I think you must consider that there is some other reason your friend is reluctant to engage in vaginal sex (at 21, that's extremely unusual for a healthy, heterosexual male) and is opposed to marriage as well that goes beyond his stated religious beliefs.

Your friend might be struggling with issues of sexual identity (i.e., he might be gay or bisexual); he might believe he has a calling to the cloister; he might be asexual.

While asexuality is not common, those of us who are asexual are just not interested. We have an extremely low libido. We'd rather scrub the bathroom sink or read the back of a cereal box or mow the lawn.  We see sex as a colossal waste of time and a mess besides.  Many of us go on and make successful marriages and engage in sex with our partners, giving them what they need on a regular basis, just as we would provide any other human need. We may engage in sex for procreation purposes, as I did.  We recognize that the normal human requires sex from time to time and that our condition/affliction is not the norm.  However, we do not make good life partners of people with a high sex drive.  However, many of us want intimacy, in the form of snuggling, back rubs, etc.

I guess, for you, the best thing to do is figure out what is really going on with your friend, and decide if it is something you can or want to live with. Being the partner of an asexual mate is not always a lot of fun.

Oct 7, 2009 -- 2:05AM, Lovesabattlefield05 wrote:

hes convinced any children he had, he wouldnt know what they want or need. he feels he would put a family thru hard times cuz he wouldnt kno what to do.

Probably because he has not had a good role model for a father. And he doesn't see anyone else who he could emulate to be a good father. Maybe he feels that other men do know what to do. (Hint: most of us don't - or didn't!)

Oct 7, 2009 -- 2:05AM, Lovesabattlefield05 wrote:

he also thinks its a bad world to bring a child up in, which i do agree.

Perhaps you would allow that belief to cause you to choose not to have children yourself.

Oct 7, 2009 -- 2:05AM, Lovesabattlefield05 wrote:

I dont think he will change his mind, I am more convinced that he wont.

So being more confident that the attitude will stay the same, maybe you are figuring out what the next step might look like.