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Switch to Forum Live View Marriage Unfair? Read This First
5 years ago  ::  Oct 06, 2009 - 3:39AM #1
ArnieBeeGut
Posts: 1,407
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5 years ago  ::  Oct 06, 2009 - 11:47AM #2
Hatman
Posts: 9,634

Well, Arnie, that article certainly proves up the point memorialized in song by Joanie Mitchell, i.e. "You don't know what you got 'til it's gone," as well as the old German saying, "Too soon old, too late smart."


It's really a shame that we take so much for granted/assume so much about ourselves and our lack of self-reliance that we but rarely learn until misfortune MAKES us do so...but "Experience is the school of mankind; fools will learn at no other."


Warmest regards-


Hatman

"History records that the moneychangers have used every form of abuse, deceit, intrigue, and violent means possible to maintain their control over governments by controlling money and it's issuance."
-- James Madison(1751-1836), Father of the Constitution for the USA, 4th US President
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5 years ago  ::  Oct 06, 2009 - 12:40PM #3
IreneAdler
Posts: 2,849

 


Have a slightly different take.


 As a single woman living alone, I have no one else to rely on.  I have me.  That's all. So if I want it, I gotta get it or do it myself.  Don't have a neighbor to cajole into doing plumbing for me or a friend to repair my truck.  I do have the ability to learn and do and find professionals for these things.  That's always been my way.  Wouldn't know what to do if someone showed up and did stuff for me.  Why is the mindset for some partnered folks "what can or should my partner do for me?"


 It bothers me when I hear spouses complain about how partner won't do something- take the higher paying job, make hefty sacrifices that only benefit the complainer, excuse the boorish behavior-yet again, etc.  Makes me want to tell them "Geez, it's not all about you!" Might try to respect spouse's feelings; find out what makes spouse fulfilled in life before pressuring them to do something they may not wish to do.  Yes, I was privy to a conversation where a woman complained because her hubby was reluctant to leave a job he loved for something higher paying, and in a different field. She just couldn't fathom that he valued something other than money.


 Maybe the first thought should be what can I do to change situation- not what can partner do.  And when/if partner does take action on your behalf- my goodness, express appreciation for it!


 


**shrug** Just my 2 cents.


 


 Irene.

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5 years ago  ::  Oct 06, 2009 - 9:17PM #4
ArnieBeeGut
Posts: 1,407

I think that's what she was getting at - instead of complaining, to appreciate what one has, and to look at what one can do to make things better instead of trying to change the other person.  On one of her blogs she wrote that the day before the tragedy, she wrote a list of all her unmet needs had because of her husband - or so she thought. After his untimely death, she realized that with him gone, there was only one item on the list that was not a problem anymore.


Hers is an inspiring story, and her blog is a treasure trove of valuable advice and ideas.

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