Post Reply
Page 2 of 2  •  Prev 1 2
Switch to Forum Live View Beginning the journey thru Divorce - reluctantly
5 years ago  ::  Oct 05, 2009 - 8:36AM #11
Getrtg
Posts: 178

Hi Littlelost,


My wife started going to Alanon. It ticked me off. But, finally, I realized that her going must mean I better really look at this. After about a year of her in Alanon, I gave up and went into treatment. It's been almost thirty years now. Life is still tough, but there isn't that added element of drugs and alcohol that clouds everything.


Even so, about 15 years after I quit, we separated for six months. But we kept trying. We went to counseling. I remember only one thing, specifically said by a counselor that made an impression--and it was enough. He suggested that we try to remember how we were in the beginning. What drew us together. What about each other did we like/love. We did that, and remembered, and I came home.


I wish you happiness and reconciliation.


Randy 

Quick Reply
Cancel
5 years ago  ::  Oct 05, 2009 - 8:40AM #12
Getrtg
Posts: 178

Littlelost,


My apologies for my previous post a few minutes ago. I really read what you said, now. Blasted through the first time and missed what was really going on and how far things had gone.


I guess it is to late for my advice.


I wish for you a new--and better--love.


Randy

Quick Reply
Cancel
5 years ago  ::  Oct 05, 2009 - 10:31AM #13
ArnieBeeGut
Posts: 1,407

Randy, it is not at all "too late" and your advice is most welcome and appreciated.

Quick Reply
Cancel
5 years ago  ::  Oct 09, 2009 - 6:49PM #14
Littlelost
Posts: 8

Many thanks to all who have replied. I am really trying to "not" have hope at this point and reminding myself of all the reasons why I don't want him in my life. I feel if I hold on to the hope I am going to end up continually going through the pain of rejection. I need to let him go - I am trying very hard. Yes I am going to go to Al Anon and try to figure out why I would tolerate unacceptable, unhealthy behavior for so long before finally ending it. The interesting part here too is, if I had not discovered the text messages, I would still be waiting for him to come home and hopefully end the affair. How long would I have waited? How long would he have continued with the affair, telling me he is coming home soon, and lying to me? At least I finally took the step to find out the truth. I know I now have to focus on ME - healing, becoming stronger and eventually ready to find a real life partner. - Littlelost 

Quick Reply
Cancel
5 years ago  ::  Oct 10, 2009 - 11:41AM #15
ArnieBeeGut
Posts: 1,407

Focusing your attention more on yourself as you are starting to do will lead you to a more comfortable place ultimately. You are the only one you can change - you can't change anyone else. So as much as it is tempting to hope "if only he would … " it is ultimately not in your hands. What you can do is get clear on what is and is not okay with you, and not be willing to accept what is not okay. I believe Al-Anon will help with this. I have found Pia Mellody's books to be very useful in developing and understanding boundaries. Please keep us posted about how you are doing in your new journey. Many blessings!

Quick Reply
Cancel
Page 2 of 2  •  Prev 1 2
 
    Viewing this thread :: 0 registered and 1 guest
    No registered users viewing
    Advertisement

    Beliefnet On Facebook