Post Reply
Page 1 of 10  •  1 2 3 4 5 6 ... 10 Next
Switch to Forum Live View Advice on how to you forgive your husband for cheating
5 years ago  ::  Jul 08, 2009 - 4:20AM #1
Bbnid
Posts: 3

This is my second marriage that I am on. I found out recently that my husband has been trying to find single girls to hook up with. I found out that he was actually talking about meeting this one girl that doesn't live to far away from us. He told her that I was his ex and none of the kids are his which one is his biological son and that our relationship was over 8 months ago when he got me cheating with two guys which wasn't true. I confronted him about it and he never gave me a striaght answer why he did it. I told him that I wanted to try and work out this betrayal and he said the same thing but two days later I found out that he was talking to the same girl that I caught him with first. He requested a transfer from his job and they already had a place to move in with each other. He told her that he wanted to be with her. How do I know if he is still talking to this girl behind my back and how can I forgive him? How do I know if this marriage is actually going to work? I don't want to be in a relationship like my first marriage. I stuck with it for three extra years after my first husband told me that me and the kids make his life miserable. I kept telling myself it was for the kids sake. I am having the same problems again with this marriage but this time he is cheating. Can you please give me some advice on this situation. I will greatly appreciate everyones information.

Quick Reply
Cancel
5 years ago  ::  Jul 08, 2009 - 11:23AM #2
Tolerant Sis
Posts: 4,201

Your 'husband' is yours only in the legal sense.  No matter what he is telling you, his actions are speaking louder than words.  He's requested a work transfer to be near this girl? He is denying that your son is his? He is planning to move in with her?


Sorry, honey, but you need more advice than we can give you.  What you need is a lawyer.  Make sure you and your children will be taken care of.

First amendment fan since 1793.
Quick Reply
Cancel
5 years ago  ::  Jul 08, 2009 - 1:27PM #3
Bbnid
Posts: 3

Thanks for the response I have thought hard about what you said I should do.

Quick Reply
Cancel
5 years ago  ::  Jul 08, 2009 - 2:16PM #4
Tmarie64
Posts: 5,277

I'd kick him to the curb JUST for denying his son.... Add to that cheating and lying about me... There is no forgiving in my opinion.  He'd be O  U  T  ... gone.


Sorry, I know it's not what you wanted to hear, but, I agree with  Sis on this one... Get a lawyer and make him an EXhusband.

James Thurber - "It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers."
Quick Reply
Cancel
5 years ago  ::  Jul 10, 2009 - 2:39PM #5
DotNotInOz
Posts: 6,833

I'm wondering why you would even think of forgiving someone who not only shows no interest in preserving your marriage but who is obviously making plans to ditch you and your kids.


Get a lawyer immediately and make sure you have the finances tied up to protect you and the kids before your husband realizes what's happening.


Then, please get some counseling to find out why you are attracted to cheats and losers. (Trust me, six months' worth of that after my divorce was the best investment I *ever* made.)

Quick Reply
Cancel
5 years ago  ::  Jul 10, 2009 - 9:02PM #6
REteach
Posts: 14,551

Actually, my husband cheated 27 years ago (how time flies!).  Not only are we still married, but we are still soppily in love.


He was surprised at how quickly I closed the bank and credit card accounts.  Within a matter of hours.  


I told him not to come back unless he was staying back.  Either/or.  No trials.  I wasn't going through that again.


I admitted my role in our marital tension and fixed it.  


I started over with him and didn't keep harping back on being a cheat.  


We are really, truly happy.  We are best friends and have a great sex life.


So, it can be done. HOWEVER, mine was interested in coming back and yours doesn't seem to be.  I think that the logical consequence is that it is over and you've closed all accounts and locked him out/found your own place.  If he later wants to get back together and you are willing, consider it. Or you can stay with him and share expenses and be unhappy.   

I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize what you heard was not what I meant...
Quick Reply
Cancel
5 years ago  ::  Jul 10, 2009 - 9:57PM #7
Scojoy0708
Posts: 3

When I got married my husband was cheating within the next two weeks, I was heart broken because I believed that marriage is scared, I really didn't want to forgive him I wanted a divorce, as a matter of fact my husband was just a cheat thoughout our marriage, However, the bible says not to harden your heart. Remember that forgiveness is for us and not for the other person, carrying around so much garbage will only destroy you.  Not all women can forgive but there are women and just by you asking this question give me the thought that you are thinking about forgiving him.  Forgive him honey if that is what is in your heart and if work out a plan for family counseling, also look into yourself for answer which are making both of you unhappy. Work on your marriage put it before God,and remember with God all things are possible.

Quick Reply
Cancel
5 years ago  ::  Jul 10, 2009 - 11:56PM #8
Cindi123
Posts: 6

uh yeah i think if my husband cheated on me it would be hard to forgive him.i would feel very brokenhearted.whos to say he wouldnt do it again.well we all sin but for me personally,it would be really hard for me to get over it and move on.Frown

Quick Reply
Cancel
5 years ago  ::  Jul 11, 2009 - 12:10AM #9
Siribi
Posts: 205

He broke any trust you can put in him but wouldn't be surprising if he later tries to put all the blame on you. That's usually what serial cheaters that deny their wives and children do, they tell themselves is OK because it's all the wife's fault.
I think you need to take care of yourself and your son, and to get a lawyer and keep proof of his emails to 'girls'.


Some men when caught they play nice for awhile because they don't want to face the music, a legal separation, a divorce, paying alimony, etc, but whenever they feel safe they, most likely, return to their doings.


Forgiving doesn't mean that you allow things to continue in the same vein. Not all Christian counselors, clergy and spiritual advisers push couples to patch up their marriage after adultery. Some adhere to Scriptures that automatically free the couple to divorce after such a breach of trust.


Its helpful to picture oneself five or ten years from now if still living with the adulterer...its difficult, and each time the guy is late all sort of thoughts will rob you of your peace of mind, the same each time he's in the computer, you've got to think if it's worth it to live like that and if you're better off without the cheat.

"We're all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." Oscar Wilde
Quick Reply
Cancel
5 years ago  ::  Jul 11, 2009 - 8:11AM #10
Tmarie64
Posts: 5,277

Jul 10, 2009 -- 9:57PM, Scojoy0708 wrote:


When I got married my husband was cheating within the next two weeks, I was heart broken because I believed that marriage is scared, I really didn't want to forgive him I wanted a divorce, as a matter of fact my husband was just a cheat thoughout our marriage, However, the bible says not to harden your heart. Remember that forgiveness is for us and not for the other person, carrying around so much garbage will only destroy you.  Not all women can forgive but there are women and just by you asking this question give me the thought that you are thinking about forgiving him.  Forgive him honey if that is what is in your heart and if work out a plan for family counseling, also look into yourself for answer which are making both of you unhappy. Work on your marriage put it before God,and remember with God all things are possible.




Forgive him?!?  He DENIED HIS OWN CHILD!  
Should she forgive him when he leaves in the middle of the night with no word and no forwarding address?  Or, even worse, if he brings home an STD?  Or HIV?


No, with God all things are NOT possible.  Not if you put everything on God to fix.  There comes a point where one MUST say ENOUGH and take charge of one's own life.   Using your "with God" logic there should be NO children dead of cancer, AIDS, SIDS, or any other death.


He is planning on leaving... Anyone who thinks she should just forgive it, turn her back, pray, and take NO action is either completely insane, just plain stupid, or on some serious drugs.


God helps those who help themselves.   Prayer is supposed to be the help, the rock and foundation, NOT the solution.  Prayer does not cure all.

James Thurber - "It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers."
Quick Reply
Cancel
Page 1 of 10  •  1 2 3 4 5 6 ... 10 Next
 
    Viewing this thread :: 0 registered and 1 guest
    No registered users viewing
    Advertisement

    Beliefnet On Facebook