You should have taken some lesson from your previous marriage and then you could have decided for the second one and then go for it,and this was your first mistake.But after hearing from you,I must say that your second husband is a real cheater and fully characterless.So with a person of that nature,even an animal can't live with him,but I must appreciate your patience and thank you fo still being there.But my best advice is that,if you think he is in no way changing and cheating you again and again then you better leave him and start a new life alone with your kids and thinking of their bright future.
Honey you deserve so much better that what your going through.your settling and that's not good for you or your children. How would I know? Because I lived it! I tried for 13 years to make things work I used the kids as an excuse but truth be told I thought at the time I didn't deserve any better but I did. You start convincing yourself there has to be something wrong with you because if there wasn't then he wouldn't be doing all the things he has been to you. Well I'm going to be as honest as I can! There is nothing wrong with you!!!!!!! There is alot wrong with him for one he has no respect for himself or the vows of marriage! Honey we as women tend to pick men who we think we can fix but we get so lost trying to make them better that we lose us who we are! Honey take care of you and your kids because believe me kids are alot smarter then we give them credit for! When you start fighting for what you want men will notice( the right ones) for to many years bad men prayed on me because I didn't feel good about myself. Take care of yourself because your worth it!!!!!! May god bless you May the angels watch over you and yours Dawn N
Being that there is now a fourth strain of HIV to worry about, infidelity may not be murder but it is Russian roulette. Maybe STDs are nature's way of perserving monogamy by weeding out the cheaters, their codependent wives and their offspring. Nature is brutal. I wish that it was not but it is. It brutally wipes out monogamy and perhaps it just as brutally slows the progression of infidelity.
Tmarie64...Obviously this has brought you great pain and for that I am truly sorry! I am equally sorry to hear about your best friend's sister. I do not know the circumstances of that tragedy, but in no way does it have anything to do with that statement. The word "murderer" was not meant as literally killing someone in that statement, and I am sorry that you seen it that way. It was intended as, "putting an end to" all the important factors of any marriage. Yet, I do beleive that all sins are the same in God's eye's (not man's laws), even if you don't. I still stand by the fact that a cheater does and is responsible for the act of killing something that is so important (emotions among other things) in any marriage. I refuse to take cheating so lightly. Cheating is a serious crime and a sin in my book. Marriage is without a doubt the most sacred of all commitments. It makes me sick to hear someone blow off cheating as if it were no big deal. It is.... a very big deal! It makes me sick to hear someone say anything that has so little regard for the sanctity of marriage. I still stand by my belief that no one has a right to expect a commitment from another (be it man or woman) and yet not be equally committed. I still believe that a sin is a sin. I still believe that there is no sin greater than another. I still believe that anyone who can't take marriage just as seriously has no right to venture into it. I still believe if a person is not capable of being faithful then they should never marry. It would appear that your personal experience was as detrimental to you as mine was to me. Both were equally wrong and it's a shame that either of us had to experience them. However, there is nothing wrong with either of us (respectfully) defending our beliefs based on those experiences. You have just as much right to be affected by your situation as I do mine. I don't know about you, but as for me, I am willing to agree to disagree in this case. As it stands, it would seem that neither of us is going to change our minds and that's okay! I do respect your feelings concerning your tragedy and I do wish you the very best in your efforts to overcome it. Good Luck to you!
Tmarie64...Cheat Much? Actually if you think about it...a cheater is killing something in someone else...how hard is that to understand. "Murder" is not only defined by killing someone, but also meaning "to put an end to". So maybe you need to brush up on the study of words. Read a dictionary once in a while! It's been my experience that people like you who have something snide like that to say, are the very people who cheat and try to justify it. For your information, There have been many....many people that I know who have agreed with that statement "a cheater is also a murderer". They can see that...why can't you? Is it because you can't see yourself as a murderer, just because you cheated? By the way, I did not come up with that statement but I as do many others whole heatedly agree with that statement. I will be sure to pass on your comment to them as well. I know what they would say though...."she must be a cheater herself"!
Nope, I've never cheated. I just find it STUPID beyond all belief to call "killing" an emotion Murder. As one who has had dear friends murdered I find your drivel to be utterl offensive and beyond stupid.
A cheater is not a murderer... Tell that to my best friend whose sister was murdered by her (my best friend's) husband. So, shut up and stop trivializing murder.
James Thurber - "It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers."
What an idiotic thing to say to someone you don't know from Adam. Marie hasn't cheated on her spouse. Neither have I, and I also see your statement equating murder (which is the unlawful taking of a person's life with malice) and cheating (which is a despicable action by a married spouse to have sex with someone to whom he or she is not married) to be patently ridiculous. Cheating is heartbreaking for the wronged spouse and perhaps the family as a whole, but it isn't MURDER. Some families do heal after the breach, other wronged spouses go on to find love and happiness with others. In short, Life Goes On.
If you were cheated on, are you dead? Do you want to be dead? Did you attempt suicide? No? WELL, then. Try to moderate your emotions, or, as Marie says, you appear to be hysterical, and that doesn't serve your argument well at all.
Tmarie64...Cheat Much? Actually if you think about it...a cheater is killing something in someone else...how hard is that to understand. "Murder" is not only defined by killing someone, but also meaning "to put an end to". So maybe you need to brush up on the study of words. Read a dictionary once in a while! It's been my experience that people like you who have something snide like that to say, are the very people who cheat and try to justify it. For your information, There have been many....many people that I know who have agreed with that statement "a cheater is also a murderer". They can see that...why can't you? Is it because you can't see yourself as a murderer, just because you cheated? By the way, I did not come up with that statement but I as do many others whole heatedly agree with that statement. I will be sure to pass on your comment to them as well. I know what they would say though...."she must be a cheater herself"!
A cheater is not only a cheater, but a liar, theif and a murderer! It has been my experience that "once a cheater, always a cheater". Fact is, he will continue to do it! Take comfort in knowing though that he will do this to anyone.... not just you. Don't blame yourself or anything you did or did not do. You are not the problem...he is! You will have people telling you that, if only you had done this or had not done that, then maybe he wouldn't have done it. Even other women will tell you that! What's that say about them? Truth is anyone who makes excuses for cheating is either a cheater or possible cheater themselves, and just wants to justify their own way of thinking. I have dealt with this subject first hand for more than 25 years. Cheating is wrong, cheaters are wrong, people trying to justify it is wrong, and there are no acceptable excuses!!!!! You deserve better and you should demand better....we all should! If you have any respect for yourself, you should divorce him. Respect for ourselves sometimes comes from making tough decisions like this one. Believe me, you will feel better about yourself if you do not allow people to get away with this kind of behavior. I myself have found a terrific guy but that does not mean I may never have to worry about this issue again. I hope not though! If I ever do, he will be gone in a heartbeat! There is no room for forgiveness in my life, not when it comes to cheating. Being faithful is not that hard to do and when anyone asks anyone else to commit their lives to them, then they should do the same. It's a contract for life, and one that deserves total committment.......nothing less will do.......it's that simple! Good luck to you and remember you deserve better...so demand it....everyday!
Hi Bbnid, This is the first post I have ever replied to and your letter has prompted me to join. I really feel for you honey. All we want is for the man in our life to straighten up, do right by us, and be the type of man God intended. I have been divorced 3 times. I realize now, that while of course I played a part in the failures, it was really just the wrong man everytime. My first 2 marriages I was very young, each lasted 2 yrs, and produced no children. My third marriage was worse than the first 2 combined, but because of what I felt to be my failures, I stayed married for 16 yrs when it was over after 4. I was 41 when I finally divorced him and now I know what women mean when they say they gave him the best years of their life. I only have one child and she belongs to my 3rd husband and she is 10 years old now. Only when I realized that she was getting the very wrong impression of acceptable behavior for a father, husband, and man in general, did I start going to counseling, and finally filed for divorce. I so agree with a previous post, starting in therapy was the best thing I have ever done for myself and my child. I think we would all benefit from a little bit of professional mental health treatment. I highly recommend it and strongly urge you to seek it. As far as your marriage/divorce, I will not advise, after therapy helps you clear the fog and make sense of the confusion between your heart, head, right, wrong, hopes, and reality, then you will have the answer for yourself and will feel confident in making it. No matter what you choose, it will not be easy, but you will come through with God's help.
