I have a book called His Needs, Her Needs. It's from 1986, and I was really floored to open it up and read what the author considers his needs and her needs. The author suggests her needs are affection, conversation, her husband to be a good father, to be able to trust him, and financial support. The author suggests he needs sex, recreational companionship, attractive wife, peace and quiet (domestic support) and admiration.

I nearly fell off my chair when I read this....needless to say I do not think these apply so much to my relationship(s). For example, I've always made my own money, so I don't need him to support me financially.

Are these the needs that you have found apply to your marriage? If not, what needs might there be? Are you aware of your spouse's needs and have you asked if you are meeting them?

If you found a 1966 book shocking, you should try some of the books from the early 1900"s!

while it is true that there are gender differences, my observation is that most of these differences are exaggerated or even plain wrong. I do not believe it is generally true, for example, that sex is more important to men than women, or that conversation is more important to women than men.

The elements of a good relationship are for the most part identical in both men and women, and I believe it is individual differences that cause conflicts rather than generalized gender differences.

Whether something is a want or a need, I believe couples would be better off getting clear about them and then asking for what they want in specific terms. And also be wiling to say no - and to accept if one's partner says no - to be willing to not take any of it personally, and to also explore alternative means of getting one's needs (or wants) met.

Asking if one's partner is content with needs/wants is also a good idea - in fact I'll have to try just that. So thank you!

I think women have evolved, men have not.  If you listen to men, read what they rwrite (Read Denis Leary's Why We Suck), you will have plenty of evidence that many, if not most, men do fit  those stereotypes.  I fit some of it.  I like affection, trustworthiness.  However, I am financially independent and most women I know are.  In fact, I know a lot of women who financially support the men in their lives because the men could not find their niche.  I don't have a problem with that.  It isn't because the men didn't try.  Women who I know succeeded in marriage tend to play by those stereotypical roles.  A lot of studies done today confirm those roles and meet the superficial needs that men have. 

Supposedly, there are all these exceptions in men.  I don't see many of them. No one I know has such an exception.  I have dated a couple but in 50 years on the planet, there were only a couple. 

Listen to men. Read what they write.  See what they do.  Believe them.  They, really do, mean it. Romance is not a hollywood chick flick.

You will find more variations in women because for the first time in history women have choices.  Men have always had choices.  They are not going to change much.

I like to take long, hot baths.  In the summer, I run around barefoot and my feet get dirty, which makes the bathtub dirty.  My husband cleans it for me, out of love.

Oh what a wonderful topic.  I love both of your posts.  I'm rather old now and been here and there and never really found it, whatever that means. 

Knew someone once that could have been what I've heard called a soul mate but I am married and have never cheated so our friendship remained that way and soon he died.  Some said it was from a broken heart.  That does haunt me but I could have done nothing.   

I'm married to a man that if you tell him what you like or would wish of him...he does the opposite.  Been that for all the years we've been married.  I just keep my thoughts and wishes to myself these days and just follow.  My time will come.  I believe that...

Karen