Hello all, Im a first time poster on these forums.

Im a 23 year old married man and father of a 2 year old son. My wife and I wed at the very young age of 20 while I was in the U.S. Navy, but we were dating seriously since 18. Over these past few years there has been more downs than ups. My biggest problem is that my wife is not shaping up to be the woman that I feel I deserve and need. She is still very immature and has been basically living off me since she finished high school. She's never been able to hold down a job for more than 6 months and she's never had any intrest in school or anything that would advance her as a person, or us as a family.

These were things that I noticed before we were married but I simply excused it as her being young and I figured she would grow out of it. But up to this day she has barely made any progress and we are still living off one income (mine) and its been a source of major stress on me for far too long now. She is still the same mentally, emotionally, and financially as she was years ago and its finally taken its toll on me. I've been patient and trying to work with her and these issues over the years but it just seems hopeless.

At this point I feel like the only thing left for me to do is to separate from her and tell her she needs to get herself together or else Im moving on. I realize that we made the mistake of getting married at a young age, but I do not want to wait 5-10 years and realize that Im with the same woman that Im unhappy with today.

I don't want to call it quits, but I want to separate in hopes that she will shape up into the woman that she needs to be for herself, our son, and me.

Any input and/or advice?

Bryan-

My first question is this:

Is she the mother of the 2-year-old?   If she is, and she's the primary caregiver, then she's worn out.  2-4 year olds have near-inexhaustible energy, and are constantly putting themselves in life-threatening situations---and this takes a major toll, not only physically, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Perhaps she simply does not understand or is on-board with your long-term goals.  Maybe she doesn't HAVE any long-term goals---or short term, or mid-term.  Maybe you might ask her what her short-term goals are, and if she has no idea, explain the differences between short, mid-term, and long-term goals.

Maybe the first thing you could do is sit down with her and a budget, and explain things to her---well, after the 2-year old is in bed, that is.  Ask for her input, e.g. "How can this goal be met?"(supposing you were discussing the college fund for the little one, a replacement vehicle, early mortgage payoff, etc.)

The second thing?  Date night.  One night a week, take her out on a date.  Be creative.  Let her plan a few.

I would also suggest a visit to www.retrouvaille.org for their weekend-long course, if you're considering counseling of any kind.

Perhaps she is not seeing that you are quite serious about this issue.  If, after you try conversation and date nights, she's STILL stubbornly uncooperative, you might THEN plan out how you will separate from her, and who will keep the child or other custody/support arrangement.   I expect that 6-8 weeks may suffice to discover whether or not she values you or your paycheck more.  For example, if you leave and hear nothing from her for 2 months(or via proxy), I think it'd be safe to assume that she's no longer interested in being married, and a visit to www.divorcecare.com should be high on the priority list.

Warmest regards-

Hatman