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Switch to Forum Live View Why do Young Men want to Date Older Women? And older men date younger women?
5 years ago  ::  May 11, 2009 - 3:59PM #1
sabrinaswinter
Posts: 350

Things are strange today.  I have had disaster dates with men in their 50's.  On one date I was assaulted and he was in his 50's.  I am afraid to date.  Also one of our dear patients met a man through a dating website and was beaten severely.  I do ask for everyone's prayers on her behalf, as I do include her in my prayer circle and thing of her often.  It frightens me. 


I have had two men approach me who are in their 20's.  They are cute and sweet.  But why would they wish to date someone in my age group?  I have also been staying away from dating until I feel a little better and I'm just not ready to date again.  I thought these two young men were joking, but they weren't.  I don't often feel pretty due to being through so much nonsense with older men.


I have heard this is the new trend.  So why do older men want younger women and why are younger men who are in their prime in gorgeous want older women.


I think God had these two men approach me to make me smile.  God, they were so cute. 

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5 years ago  ::  May 11, 2009 - 4:36PM #2
appy20
Posts: 10,165

I really believe that women, for the most part, got the short end of the stick in the aging game.  I believe men are biologically programmed to chase younger women. Men are very visual and younger women have all the right cues that stimulate a man's brain.


As for younger men, I don't know.  I suppose that depends on the guy.  I think younger guys were attracted to me simply because they thought I was younger than I am.  I always tell them when they ask me out, that I am flattered and if I were younger I would go out with them.  They are usually horrified when they find out my age.  Guys my own age won't have anything to do with me and rarely have.  Older guys have never been that thrilled with me either. 


The thing is now that I have men figured out, I don't want one.  They don't share my values.  I can't give them what they want and they don't value what I can give.  They can't give me what I want and I don't value what they can give.    Being young and beautiful would not get me much either.  There isn't much to be had. So, you just have to give up on it.

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5 years ago  ::  May 12, 2009 - 4:18AM #3
lil_lamb
Posts: 2,898

well, it seems to me young adults don't realise they're young and what youth means - or ought to - to older people. they don't really have their heads wrapped around the fact they've joined the game mid-stream. they just take you as the individual you are as if you all have the same starting place... as far as they're concerned,  you just started at different ages on the same day - the day they were born. i remember my ward telling me when she was 12 or something that rap was her generation's music. i just had to laugh. i was like, sorry honey - but it's my generation making and selling you that noise. hahaha!


old people tho who want to date young people... as a mother, albeit an allo mother, that's kinda messed up in the head. old people should look at young people and see someone to be nurtured, not an object of desire.

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5 years ago  ::  May 13, 2009 - 11:32AM #4
PaulaEdwina
Posts: 1,720

Young guys do find me attractive. I think it's because at this age I'm really feeling my power, and my bearing is very different from when I was younger. I have a certain knowing and confidence (I see it in other women my age) and young guys find that hot. It's crone power.


 


Paula

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5 years ago  ::  May 14, 2009 - 2:45PM #5
sabrinaswinter
Posts: 350

Paula,


I love your answer.  I feel that as a woman now I have more insight and peace.  I feel in my heart age is truly a number.


In my heart I would like to date someone in my age group, but men in their 40's and 50's seem so angry at ex-wives. Also I don't want to date anyone who is still angry at the ex wife.  As woman, I feel for a need for sister solidarity.  I also found out that those men has a lot of displaced anger and biting baggage.


I realize now that crone about is about being at peace with who we are as women.  I feel your answer is so positive.


Thank you and have a gracious day and to all, ladies, thank you so much for sharing Lil Lam and Appy!


Yours truly,


Sabrinaswinter

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5 years ago  ::  May 14, 2009 - 3:09PM #6
sabrinaswinter
Posts: 350

Dear Appy:


Your answer was fascinating and thought provoking.  I realize that my dates with men in their 50's didn't work out because I did not share their value systems.  Perhaps my value system is a way of explanation.  But I also feel that as women, we are well...more advanced spiritually.


1.  I do believe in parental responsibility.  If a 50 year old man brags about not paying child support, it turns my stomach.  (A few of my dates have done that.  I dropped them quickly).


2.  I am very pro earth.  I care about our planet.  I noticed that in the men I dated in their 50's care more about baseball game scores than about the rain forest.


3.  I like heavy metal music.  Oddly, young men think this started in their time.  It seems Metallica attracts several generations.


I feel in my heart that as more mature women, our values may be in sync more with younger men who have the same interests.


The youngest I have ever dated was 8 years younger than myself.  I don't feel comfortable dating men in their 50's.  I was assaulted by one and I find them so angry as a group.  I'm sure there are nice 50 year old men out there. 


Anyway, I kind of figured out why younger men like me.  My values are similar to their own.  I have stopped dating and I'm thinking about just saying to heck with it.  It seems that 50 year old men want women in their 20's on Long Island.  The famous matchmaker, Patti Spanger, from Bravo Fame states that ageism is very real in America.


I think younger men like us as a group because of our sincerity.  When I reflected upon your words, I realized that I had nothing in common with older men.  But I don't want to knock all 50 year old men.  I'm sure there are some good ones out there (I also don't want to get any angry e-mail).


Well, it is just an interesting cultural phenomenon.


Yours truly,


Sabrinaswinter


 

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5 years ago  ::  May 14, 2009 - 4:04PM #7
appy20
Posts: 10,165

I have another problem as well.  Education.  When I was younger, I did not hold it against a guy if he had less education that I did.  That did not work.  Now, bear in mind, I live in a very red state that is really just getting used to women voting and driving cars.  I encountered way too much anger and competition in guys with less education.  They become rather obsessed with finding me dumb.  Somehow, they find that empowering.  That gets old.  I don't get that from genuinely intelligent guys.  Unfortunately, there aren't that many bright guys and the few that there are have way too many women, of all ages, chasing after them.  Also, bear in mind that only a small percentage of the population has a High IQ.  Most bright guys make good money.  Now, I have no interest in money but that does make the competition stiffer because there are a lot of women who chase menw ith money. 


Plus, looks do matter.  You can have all the crone power you want but there are few men with options that are going to go for it.  At least I never see it in real life. 


The younger guys that I attracted (and it has been a while now so it is no longer the present.  I become more and more invisible to men every day) were often guys that never had a conversation with me.  There were a couple of exceptions.  The guy was about 17 years younger than I was.  Upper 20s, I was 44.  I liked the same kind of books he read.   However, he was fine for his age but face it, you just don't have it together in your 20s. 


I do think I would be better off with a guy that is in his mid to upper thirties even though that is 10-15 years younger.  I will be 50 in a few weeks.   The reason is that older guys are not in great physical shape and I doubt they could keep up with me.  I don't mean as far as being thin or muscle built but just energetic and sexually capable. 


I also agree with Lamb when it comes to really young guys.  Although, a few have been attracted to me in my past, there is no way I would date them.  There is seriously no chemistry either.  However, I don't think guys in their 30s should still need nurturing and protection. If they do, then I am most likely to pick up on it and run the other way. 


Another thing is maybe my early life was too hard.  I just have a repertoire of coping skills with life that I don't find in many men.  That came from struggling when young. 


Last but not least, I have only met one guy that wasn't entirely visual.  That just irritates me too much.  I can't get past that. I am at a point in my life that I really don't want to be looked at.

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5 years ago  ::  May 15, 2009 - 2:59AM #8
lil_lamb
Posts: 2,898

1/2 b.f. is over 50. i think it's a pretty unique set of characteristics that allowed us to get together to the 1/2 degree... haha... that we have. (and it's certainly not all his fault we have a half relationship.)


some of these things are: we both work/worked in high tech. high tech is a field where merit is the last word, not seniority. for example, he's a programmer without a computer science degree. his being in high tech also means he comfortable with technology like a kid. i think he's also an early adapter of slacker-dom. one of the pioneers in wandering into work after 10 a.m.


on my side, my childhood memories have not faded. i remember the '70s, which were his hey-day. i know his music, his t.v. programs, and so forth. he's aspergin' and my field was/is human communications; conversations with him are not for everyone, but i enjoy it.


there's more i could come up with. like being of german catholic descent. we're two mean, cold people who don't do hoopla, hehe.


finally, i have to say i respected his horrified look when i told him how old i was. as appy said, there's a point when you're a grown up period. still you should have some sense of adult v. child and realise there was a point when that would have been the case. that's what i think anyways.


re. enlightenment: i don't know if women are really more advanced spiritually. i mean, i know it's acceptable for us to work on our spirituality in a way that it isn't for men and we're all over the subject. we certainly always have a thermometer in the pool to test the emotional waters. but in my old age, i've become convinced that men and women are truly in the world in different ways, and that's the end of that. i feel that we women often fail to really respect that. it's like, i remember being all worked up that my ward was on the verge of becoming pre-diabetic and 1/2 b.f. slipped her extra mcdonald's syrup. this so lives on in my memory. i was put-out at first and thinking *stupid man*, you know it's true... but in the grand scheme of things, i eventually saw a big upside to it. a kid needs a break from that maternal anxiety. she didn't use all that syrup and i actually think, yes, it was his manly humour that gave her the room to make the right decision for herself. it's like, there's a whole evolutionary adaptation to the scheme of things.

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5 years ago  ::  May 15, 2009 - 9:09AM #9
appy20
Posts: 10,165

I agree about the syrup thing and it is something my childhood missed terribly.  Men often lighten things up and break the rules. I can respect their anti-officiousness force. 


I just wish they weren't visual.


 

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5 years ago  ::  May 15, 2009 - 1:04PM #10
lil_lamb
Posts: 2,898

what i don't get about men being visual - they are and they'll tell you - is that, really, it's so bad.

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