I don't think everyone who cheats falls into that category.  I think there are situations where people do things that are not generally in their nature to do, for whatever reason.  That's not to say it isn't wrong, but I wouldn't label them all for life because of it.

I do think there are some people who are completely incapable or unwilling to be or stay faithful to one other person.  There are people who will always be cheaters, no matter who they are with. 

I guess the million dollar question is, how do you recognize them before you get into a relationship with them, right?  If you could figure that out, I'm sure you'd have a best seller on your hands :p.

May 4, 2009 -- 10:51AM, tattwo wrote:

This is just a general question. I'm not in a relationship but I was just curious about this.

Anyway, does it depends on that person, situation, are is it in that person nature to be a cheater?

It's very difficult to generalize and be completely accurate, so in answer to the question "If someone cheats, will he/she ALWAYS be a cheater," I say, "It depends."

Both ime and from my observation, most people, when they find a course of action that "works" for them, that they have defined as "success," tend to continue that behavior until it no longer gets them what they want.  So if someone cheats on you(after you first define just what "cheating" IS to you, and he understands your point of view, and agrees with it), then if he's forgiven too fast, I expect he'd do it again, simply because this may have been his life-pattern.  The consequences for bad behavior---if you want it to stop---must be as close as possible to immediate, and must also be painful.  The idiot drunk who goes and pees on an electric fence is EXTREMELY unlikely to do so again---not without at least checking to see if that fence is live, first.  So if peeing on an electric fence can fairly be compared to cheating, and the one who's caught at it is made to suffer some major consequences, then it's likely that this one can change---for they have seen and felt the consequences of screwing up.

However, if the two of you have NOT agreed on what "cheating" is, and you decide to punish him severely for, say, having a friendly flirt with the checkout gal, for example, and HE's certain that no cheating takes place until his penis enters the other woman, then you've got a problem that will probably escalate into a fight and a breakup.

Now, from both my experience and observation, quite a few women love drama(do men buy "Cosmo"?  do men record and watch soap operas?  No?  Who does?  Find out what someone loves, and you'll have a key to understanding them), and if there ain't none, they'll make some up.  Just be sure that if your mouth writes a check, your behind is ready to cash it.  For example, I always tell the women I date that I've never hit a woman, but in the instant she thinks she's man enough to THROW a punch, in that same instant, she becomes man enough to TAKE one.

Because I made that point clear from jump street, I have remained free of having to smack any woman in retaliation.

So far.  I ain't dead yet, and I ain't stopped dating.

Warmest regards-

Hatman

I'd be careful about the genetic markers. Even when statistically significant, they come no where near predicting things with as high as 75% accuracy. A 30% correlation is considered quite strong for a genetic behavioral trait. 

My boyfriend told me once that he was breaking his own rules to be with me, since he told himself that he'd never date anyone whose parents were divorced. Even more than that, I'm a bastard: my mother was married to someone other than my biological father when I was conceived. I may be young yet but I have absolutely no desire to ever cheat, and I am very happy in my monogamous relationship of 5 years. 

As to the original question, I don't know. My mother had a problem with it years ago, but she's now married again and I'm as sure as a daughter can be that she has never cheated on her current husband. Of course, he's the first one to really treat her right, so that might be a factor too. 

~Stalker

That is not true of genetic markers.  Some are much, much higher than that.  They do tend to peak at 85% though.  I would much prefer trusting a genetic marker than a guy's word on the matter.

Good try, Reteach, LOL.  That is like comparing speeding to murder.  Very different things.  A white lie told to spare someone's feelings is very different from having sex with a person other than one's spouse.  The very biology of it is different.   People don't have biological compulsions fueling a white lie to spare someone's feelings.  A white lie is more comparable to mild flirting and not complete betrayal of one's spouse.  Now, a person who lies to cover up fraud might be more comparable to cheating on one's spouse for often the two go together.  At least the news worthy ones seem to.

Shrug.

My husband cheated once.  He never cheated again.  Clearly, once a cheater, always a cheater stands disproved.

Regarding genes, humans have relatively few imprinted genes, meaning generally less sperm competetion.  In some species promiscuity increases fertility, so it is difficult to extrapolate from the genetic findings of some species to humans. Approximately 15% of individuals tested genetically find their father was not the putative father, which I suppose says something about the cheating rates in human women anyway.