Good to see so MANY folks on this site; though sorry about the entanglements of divorce. I had my "happily ever after" TWICE. I married my first husband in 1984. We had two years together until my Mom - who had Alzheimer's - moved in with us. I bless to this day the patience my dear husband had with her. Unfortunately, I found him dead on the floor in 1989. I have bipolar disorder, so the first person I called - after my in-laws - was my psychiatrist. Thankfully, I made it through without an episode.
My second "happily ever after" started in 1997. I met the Love of My Life, who was 19 years older than me. We were on the same spiritual plane. We both lived on Social Security disability and the rents from my apartment house. We decided to legalize our union, so we married in June of 2003. Because of an amputated limb, he became a morphine addict with his phantom pain, and we didn't realize how ill he had become. One day in September, he was incoherent, so I had him taken to the hospital with a fever of 104. The doctors were unable to figure out what was wrong. On Sept. 21, the doctor called and said he was "crashing." I had just taken my night meds, but I drove - very carefully - to the hospital, where I held his hand until he breathed his last.
I can honestly say - my "happily ever after" is provided by the Word. I have chosen Christ as my Head, and every breath I take comes from Him. When you live alone, you realize you CAN'T do it ALL; you need Someone else. The "still, small voice" keeps me grounded and at peace. Of course, not everything goes smoothly, but prayer helps a LOT.
As a side note - I have a boyfriend who comes up from 2 hours away on weekends that is platonic. We enjoy each other's company, and are essentially "companions" of the best sort. Whether this grows into a "love story" or not - I don't know, and I don't care. He makes me feel beautiful and honored and cherished. Whether he is my "happily ever after," I don't know. But - you've got to love YOURSELF before you can give love to others, and I am comfortable in my own skin. I am constantly on the "road to recovery" with the bipolar - there's no "cure" - so it is a fight every day to get out of bed. But - I'm a SURVIVOR, and I live with the love of Jesus Christ.
My boyfriend called me last night from NY where he was visiting his family, telling me his life was a shambles. His family had turned on him; he had no friends where he lived; and he wanted to get control of his life. He's checking into rehab for 90 days for alcoholism. Now, I knew - because he told me - that he was an alcoholic and unreliable, and that he was going to try to work on BOTH of them. I will miss him, but I phoned him back and said I would wait for him. Nourishing another individual with a BIG problem is an act I want to fulfill with him. No one is "junk" in God's eyes. I pray every night for his recovery, and to getting back together in a HEALTHY relationship.
I am so glad you are doing so much better. It is good to know that eventually this empty feeling will go away. Clebrate your 3rd anniversay and the best to both of you!!
Happily ever after begins within. So many women of all cultures feel they are defined by a relationship with a man. whether you are married or divorced is irrelevant. What matters most is do you love yourself? Many of us can not answer in the affirmative. Seek love within you and eventually what ever happily ever after you choose it will arrive.
if theres a perfect relationship out there.......wow i envy, and there very well may be. for some one else to say there isnt, that is just not right!!! it is just a couple that has realized that lifes day to day struggles shouldnt be brought into the relationship in an unhealthy like manner. i was married for 9 years and let me tell you it was good the first year but wow did it end very badly, a very unhealthy 1.i went 7 years- 8 before i found a man that too was not the best but had potential, by that i mean i found a partner willing to do as i, mold as i say, healthy changes to make a relationship. we have our days trust me but.....hes not like most i have met "the i have nothing to better about myself" . we all have room for change/ improvement. and if u think otherwise then good luck in relationships, cuz ur gonna need it.i have been in my current relationship 2 years.if u look at it like " i have a partner to go thru daily life struggles with" other than it being 1 of ur daily struggles , your better off.
I am going through the beginning process of a divorce now and can't tell you how much reading your story meant to me. I have been separated from my husband for three years while he has lived with his mistress and the son they had during their affair. I am finally getting the courage to let go and try to move on with my life and pray for the day I don't obsess and cry over the loss of my marriage. You are right...I need to learn to love myself again and affirm that I am worthy of an honest, loving, monogamous relationship and that I don't have to settle for mistreatment by any man. I am going to keep re-reading your statement below when I start feeling lonely or missing him.
In short, living alone is TONS better than living with a man who chooses to leave instead of fighting to be in your life! Spend time with just you. Learn to love yourself before you try to love anyone else. And, remember that today is what you have so don't waste a minute of it on fear. Fear just robs you of possibilities!
My husband and I celebrated our 27th anniversary last month. We married young (19 & 24), we have two beautiful daughters and now we have two adorable grandchildren. I believe I married my "Prince Charming" and for the most part, we have been living "happily ever after"; but people need to realize that Happily Ever After doesn't just happen - it takes EFFORT. Marriage vows aren't just words...they have to MEAN something. When you vow "for better or WORSE, for richer or POORER, in SICKNESS and in health"....it's because there WILL be WORSE, POORER, and SICKNESS. We're all only human after all. The two BECOME as one - it's the "becoming" that takes work and sacrifice. God created marriage as a permanent committment - it is a COVENANT. My husband and I are not joined at the hip 24/7 - we are faithful to one another and we share much, but we also have our own interests, and that's ok. For example: I love to read, but it's not his thing and I don't try to MAKE it his thing. He enjoys professional sports. Compromise? I read while he watches ball games! The bottom line: you have to put GOD first in order to have your "happily ever after"; if you are both making God the priority, there's no room for self-centeredness.
Photo: Me, our granddaughter, and my "Prince Charming"
Good to see so MANY folks on this site; though sorry about the entanglements of divorce. I had my "happily ever after" TWICE. I married my first husband in 1984. We had two years together until my Mom - who had Alzheimer's - moved in with us. I bless to this day the patience my dear husband had with her. Unfortunately, I found him dead on the floor in 1989. I have bipolar disorder, so the first person I called - after my in-laws - was my psychiatrist. Thankfully, I made it through without an episode.
My second "happily ever after" started in 1997. I met the Love of My Life, who was 19 years older than me. We were on the same spiritual plane. We both lived on Social Security disability and the rents from my apartment house. We decided to legalize our union, so we married in June of 2003. Because of an amputated limb, he became a morphine addict with his phantom pain, and we didn't realize how ill he had become. One day in September, he was incoherent, so I had him taken to the hospital with a fever of 104. The doctors were unable to figure out what was wrong. On Sept. 21, the doctor called and said he was "crashing." I had just taken my night meds, but I drove - very carefully - to the hospital, where I held his hand until he breathed his last.
I can honestly say - my "happily ever after" is provided by the Word. I have chosen Christ as my Head, and every breath I take comes from Him. When you live alone, you realize you CAN'T do it ALL; you need Someone else. The "still, small voice" keeps me grounded and at peace. Of course, not everything goes smoothly, but prayer helps a LOT.
As a side note - I have a boyfriend who comes up from 2 hours away on weekends that is platonic. We enjoy each other's company, and are essentially "companions" of the best sort. Whether this grows into a "love story" or not - I don't know, and I don't care. He makes me feel beautiful and honored and cherished. Whether he is my "happily ever after," I don't know. But - you've got to love YOURSELF before you can give love to others, and I am comfortable in my own skin. I am constantly on the "road to recovery" with the bipolar - there's no "cure" - so it is a fight every day to get out of bed. But - I'm a SURVIVOR, and I live with the love of Jesus Christ.
My husband and myself have bee married four years on June 3 and it seems longer. We are a team! We put our faith and trust in God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit first. We also talk about everything. He calls my daughter , his daughter!! We have at lease three separate bank accounts. We pay cash for everything. We allow each other private space. Pathwalker
i was in a relationship for 8 years, i thought he wAS THE NICEST GUY IN THE WORLD, I NEVER SAW IT COMING, I WAS 5 YEARS OLDER, HE STARTED AN AFFAIR WITH A COWORKER, WHO WAS 15 YRS YOUNGER THAN HIM, WELL I FOUND OUT AND IT ALMOST KILLED ME. I COULDN'T EAT, SLEEP, OR BREATH. I'VE NEVER BEEN SO THROWN FOR A LOOP. BUT I PICKED UP AND WENT ON, I MET THE MOST WONDERFULL MAN IN A SHORT TIME AND WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 8 YEARS. MY PRINCE. THINGS WILL GET BETTER. WHEN ONE DOOR CLOSES ANOTHER ONE OPENS. I HAD A CHANCE FOR TRUE HAPPINESS NOW, AND I FOUND IT.
39 and 32 years are both a long time! I am POSITIVE you both have tons of strength from sharing a lifetime with a person who now has chosen to check out. I won't lie....I was very scared when my x walked away from our marriage. I had forgotten who I was BEFORE I ever married him so I was quick to think the worst of the situation. I worried about money and being alone and how to fix a toilet if it broke. I gave myself no credit for the woman I am. I saw my glass half empty or worse...broken. LOL Well, GOD doesn't make junk! I just had to realize that I am more than I ever imagined I could be. It took getting up every day and working on my inner critic and using positive affirmation statements to remind myself that I am loveable and worthy of great life.
In short, living alone is TONS better than living with a man who chooses to leave instead of fighting to be in your life! Spend time with just you. Learn to love yourself before you try to love anyone else. And, remember that today is what you have so don't waste a minute of it on fear. Fear just robs you of possibilities!
The bottom line: you have to put GOD first in order to have your "happily ever after"; if you are both making God the priority, there's no room for self-centeredness.
