This is simply the first of a series of post, of things to think about when starting a new relationship.

I hope to present some ways of identifying not only a "loser" but controlling, abusive, and manipulating people. It should be obvious that these waring signs are not just found in dating relationships, but in our spouse, parents, relatives, coworkers, and friends. There are more victims in the realm of the "loser" than just their spouse, or Significant Other (SO).

Very few relationships start on terms other than sweetness and politeness. In the honeymoon phase of a relationship, it's often difficult to determine just what the real character of the person you are dating is. Both you and your date are guarded, trying to put your best foot forward, without revealing to much to scare your date away.

Romantic relationships can be fabulous with the right person. However a relationship with the wrong person can lead to years of heartache, emotional/social damage, and sadly even physical damage. A loser as an adult partner can damage us, damage our loved ones, and even damage the way we feel, think, and react about love and romance in the future! A loser can turn what should be a loving, supporting, and understanding relationship into a "Fatal Attraction" as seen in the movies.

The 'loser" is the kind of partner who creates much social, emotional, and psychological damage in relationships. The "loser" will have characteristics that create this damage. These are characteristics that the loser simply accepts as the way they are. They have most likely always been this way, something they learn from their relatives and or family. Psychologists usually treat women or men the victims of the loser who present with sever depression, and with their self-esteem totally destroyed.

I hope to list here (I have about thirty signs in total) over the coming weeks some characteristics of the loser, and hopefully provide some signs one can use in determining if they are involved in a potentially damaging relationship. Hopefully before they become too damaged emotionally or physically. If your Significant Other possess even one of these features, there is a risk in the relationship. More than a few of these indicators and you are involved with a loser, and you run a very high risk that the relationship will devolve into one that will damage you. When a high number of these characteristics are present ~ it's not 'probably' or a 'possibility'. You will be hurt and damaged if you remain in the relationship.

1). The loser will hurt you on purpose, by intention. If your Significant Other hits you, twists your arm, pulls your hair, kicks you, shoves you, or breaks your personal property EVEN JUST ONCE, drop them. Male loser often start with behaviors that move you physically, or they will hit the wall. While Female losers will often slap, kick, and even punch their male partners when upset. You don't hit someone by accident, you don't break someones bones by accident in the middle of a argument! Guys it's not going to get better with time.

2). The loser has very shallow emotions and connections with others. One of the things that may very well attract you to the "loser" is how quickly he or she says "I Love You" those three little words we all want to hear. Or how quickly they want to marry or commit to you. Often in less than a few weeks of dating you'll hear you are their "soulmate", or they have found their one "true" love. They want to be with you forever, and they want to marry you. You'll receive gifts, a number of promises, and be showered with their attention and gestures. What is often call the honeymoon phase. Where you are caught, and convinced that they are the best thing that every happen to you. Remember that old saying "If it is too good to be true it probably is too good to be true"? It's easy to be swept away or overwhelmed by this instant display of attraction, commitment, and dreams of the future, and miss the point. Normal healthy individuals require a long process to develop a relationship, because there is so much at stake. Healthy individuals will wait for a long time and a lot of information before offering a life long commitment. Not a week or two, or even three or a handful of weeks. The rapid warm up or always a sign of shallow emotions, which will later enable the loser to detach just as fast. The loser generally wants to move in with you in less than a month, or very early into the relationship.

3). You are frighten of your partner. The "loser" has a really scary temper. If your SO blows up and acts out in dangerous ways, like driving too fast because they are mad, breaking/throwing things, getting into fights, or threating others ~ that temper will be turned on you, it's just a question of time. In the beginning of a relationship you will be expose to what some have labeled as "witnessed violence" fights with others, threats towards others, angry outbursts at others. You will also hear of violence towards others in their life. It is a not so subtle warning of what is in store for you. That quickly serves to intimidate you, and causes you to fear their potential for violence. The loser will however quickly tell you that they are angry at others or situations and not at you. But they are very clearly teaching you that they have the ability, and capability to do violence. You start to fear challenging or confronting them, fearing that same violence and temper will be turn on you, and you haven't even been hit yet.

4). The loser attacks your self-confidence, by repeatedly putting you down. They constantly correct your slightest mistakes, making you feel on guard in their presence, unintelligent, and leaving you with the belief you are always doing something wrong. They tell you that you are too fat, too skinny, too ugly, to wrinkled, to old, to young. Or they will tell you that you don't talk correctly, or you don't look good. This sets you up as it gradually chips away at your self worth, and confidence. You'll begin to feel as if you are walking on eggshells, aways fearing you are doing or saying something that might set them off. This permits them to start to isolate you from family and friends. You begin to fear meeting family, friends, and coworkers in the presence of your SO, for fear of how they will interpret each little word and gesture.

5). The loser will isolate you. It may begin by telling you that your friend treat you badly, that they take advantage of your kindness, or that they don't understand the special nature of your relationship with the loser. If they can't convince you that your friends are bad, they may claim that your friends made a pass at them. If you talk to your friends or family the loser will often punish you by asking multiple questions or making nasty accusations. At some point you'll reach a place where it's better not to talk to family and friends. You will withdraw from family and friends rather than risk your loser treating you badly again. Your withdraw from family and friends will cause them to become upset with you. And once again the loser rushes in to point out how poorly they are treating you, and suggest that you distance yourself from them. It is only at this point when you are isolated that the loser can begin to hope to control you completely. To create a new reality for you to experience.



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Discussion for this thread should occur here, Discussion for Is your Significant Other a loser....