Sep 21, 2011 -- 3:17PM, MarleneEmmett5 wrote:

SimonJester:
I was not saying anything about you~ I was telling you about how it's like to live with my husband. And I was also not generalizing. I was telling you what it's like to live with him.
he could try the patience of the world's most patient person!!
I know he can't help it but I would like a bit of cooperation from him concerning things.
he's not dumb, I mean he's held a certain job down for over 37 years.
It that he gets nervous and excited and that is when he begins to repeat himself.
That's when I loose my patience.
I don't like to be told things more than once~otherwise I dig my heels in and refuse to
go do things. I have a memeory like a steel trap~tell me something once and I'll remember
it for ever. I rarely have to be reminded of things.
YET he thinks I'll forget. I won't. I know stuff from 40 years ago!.

Thank you for stating that you are just talking about your husband.

I'm sorry for your situation. Has he ever had any counseling or tried medications? Perhaps marriage counseling? Also when I got diagnosed I read "You mean I'm not Lazy, Supid, or Crazy" by kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo....it helped me understand myself a little better and be more aware of when the disorder is "acting out" so that I can control myself. The more insight you have on your behaviors and thoughts the better. Just trying to help.

 

Feb 12, 2009 -- 6:59PM, MarleneEmmett5 wrote:

Simon Jester wrote:

No, not that you don't love them, rather that the person who they have become is someone you have a hard time liking?  When I met my wife what attracted me to her was her deep love and compassion for everyone and everything coupled with a childlike sense of wonder. She was fun, vivacious, and deeply caring about the needs of everyone and everything around her.   In the last couple of years however she has become something completely different, she is judgemental, jaded, reclusive, and apathetic about just about everything. She just spent the last 2 hours bitching about how much she hates Christmas, she used to love it with the same sense of glee that a child typically has.  In essence she is no longer the person I married and I am finding it difficult to actually be friends with this new person.  Yes I know everyone is going to say she should be checked for depression, but I don't think that is it. She has had problems with depression in the past (a pretty bad bout of postpartum following the birth of our twins 6 years ago, Seasonal Affective Disorder, and a few other episodes over the years)  and this is something different. For one it has been a steady path that has been ongoing regardless of her level of depression and she doesn't exihibit any of the behaviors she typically does when she is depressed.  I'd just bring it up with her, but she does not respond to that at all, she will either start beating herself up for "screwing everything in her life up" (a refrain of hers which has become more and more common as time has gone on) or she will get defensive and try to turn it back on me.  So any suggestions?

SimonJester: My husband has ADHD~if you have no idea what that is let me explain: "It like living with a 16year old,who's got the patience of a 4year old,who's got the attention span of a 2year old~~~ and who sometimes has/throws temper trantums like a spoiled brat" My husband's a good man~he's a good provider,and a hard worker. He's been working for the same company for 35 years~it will be 36 in September. There's just one thing: and that is that I don't really love him. He's "cold sometimes~he has no feelings what so ever. Nothing fazes him." Not even the death of relatives: It took the death of our 21 year old Persian cat in 2004 for me to see the man CRY!!!! He bawled like a baby!!! He didn't shed a tear when his three grandparents passed away~nor his father in law, or uncles.  My heart belongs to a former highschool lover/close friend who means the world to me. My husband knows how I feel,he knows all about the guy~ As I have told him so. Now don't get me wrong~ I love my husband dearly~but it's a totally different kind of love that I feel for  my former highschool lover. My former lover "has my heart~always will,always has."  I've told my husband many times that I don't love him the way I love my friend. He knows this and understands it.

I know this is an old post but I just have to say that I find it extremely offensive that you generalized what it's like to live with any person having ADHD in your statements.

"My husband has ADHD~if you have no idea what that is let me explain: "It like living with a 16year old,who's got the patience of a 4year old,who's got the attention span of a 2year old~~~ and who sometimes has/throws temper trantums like a spoiled brat"

And yes, I do have ADHD. I am not afraid to admit it. It does not make me unintelligent and it does not make me/give me a right to act like you say your husband does. We are not identical.

 

 

It's a funny thing that something that may be new to us is not new at all.  It's sad that this is a topic that touches so many.

I can honestly say when I searched/googled this topic this one came up but I see there havnt been any posts in a while..which I find hard to believe. I would post to this but everything I wanted to say appears to have been said.

21 years is a damn long time... You wish us to believe that you where not a part of this choice? That for all those long years you never had an inkling that perhaps he was not interested in children?

Everyone can find justification for their actions, a reason why it was acceptable for them at that moment. Some are mature enough to look back and acknowledge they were wrong when it is pointed out to them. A few don't need someone else to point it out for them.




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