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6 years ago  ::  Nov 16, 2008 - 4:30PM #1
highlyfavored09
Posts: 7
How does it take? How long does the pain prevent you from living a fulfilled life? I am 28 years old and I feel like life is passing me by because I am in plagued by this....I know that some people say I lucked up because my husband and I haven't been married a year yet...but in some ways when I think about it it hurt even more because I feel like he didn't love me enough...or I was not worth the effort...I have loved this man for the last 4 years of my life, and he was THEE ONE for me.I know I have to continue to pray that God will see me through this storm and I know he will, I just wish my heart would realize this....SO my question is how did it take for your heart to believe what God is telling you?????
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6 years ago  ::  Nov 16, 2008 - 4:30PM #2
highlyfavored09
Posts: 7
How does it take? How long does the pain prevent you from living a fulfilled life? I am 28 years old and I feel like life is passing me by because I am in plagued by this....I know that some people say I lucked up because my husband and I haven't been married a year yet...but in some ways when I think about it it hurt even more because I feel like he didn't love me enough...or I was not worth the effort...I have loved this man for the last 4 years of my life, and he was THEE ONE for me.I know I have to continue to pray that God will see me through this storm and I know he will, I just wish my heart would realize this....SO my question is how did it take for your heart to believe what God is telling you?????
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6 years ago  ::  Nov 17, 2008 - 5:43PM #3
ArnieBeeGut
Posts: 1,407
highlyfavored09,

I wish there were a timetable for recovering from the emotional devastation that is sometimes experienced following a broken marriage.  This cuts to the core of so many hurts that are carried inside.  You feel that you were not loved enough to make the marriage succeed, and perhaps part of you believes that it is because something is wrong with you or that you are not good enough to be loved.  Perhaps you are now finding it difficult to accept your own worth and intrinsic value.  As much as you try, you cannot get past the bad feelings, which are only made worse when you hear things that suggest it "shouldn't" be so bad because of the relatively short duration of the marriage.

You feel God has been telling you things, and are finding it difficult to believe them; maybe you would be willing to share some of what you are hearing.

Blessings,
Arnie
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6 years ago  ::  Nov 20, 2008 - 9:58PM #4
scared4
Posts: 16
I too am 28 and failing to understand why this is happening to me. I can't answer your real question about time, as it is an answer I wish I had myself. I can however let you know some of the things that are helping me. I attend a divorcecare group, you can find them online. It helps so much to talk with people who understand. I have also admitted the things that I am in control of that damaged the relationship, and am taking steps (MANY steps) to work on me, so that I will come out better in the end. Feel free to send me a private message anytime.
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6 years ago  ::  Nov 20, 2008 - 9:58PM #5
scared4
Posts: 16
I too am 28 and failing to understand why this is happening to me. I can't answer your real question about time, as it is an answer I wish I had myself. I can however let you know some of the things that are helping me. I attend a divorcecare group, you can find them online. It helps so much to talk with people who understand. I have also admitted the things that I am in control of that damaged the relationship, and am taking steps (MANY steps) to work on me, so that I will come out better in the end. Feel free to send me a private message anytime.
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6 years ago  ::  Nov 21, 2008 - 8:05AM #6
songbird3364
Posts: 1,177
It took me about five yrs to heal from the loss of my 16 1/2 yr marriage. In fact I am just beginning to want to date again and it has been seven, nearly eight yrs. now. I am so relieved that the weight of loving someone , that doesn't recipricate that love is over for me. For myself, I am not the type of person to look for another partner, or,mate after a break up. I have to allow myself to go through the stages, of grief, anger, whatever to heal before I try again.

Don't worry that life is passing you by, life can be what we make of it. God has a plan , and we can't interfere in that lest we may change the outcome of his plan. Be patient and have faith. Just try to stay humble, quiet and thankful.
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6 years ago  ::  Nov 21, 2008 - 4:54PM #7
sharon_bivens
Posts: 658
Very good advice above!! 
Do not rush into any relationships.You are vulnerable right now. 
Spend time with your friends and your family and focus on getting comfortable in your own skin.  (This is so important).
You do not get over a relationship over night.  It takes time!!  Just get busy! Redo your place, make plans and get out and back into things you enjoy doing or have always wanted to do.  Take a class at college, or join a gym, etc. 

Be yourself!!

Remember you are a unique creation of God.  You are a special person and no one else on this earth has the gifts you have to offer this world.
You are young.  You have plenty of time to do anything in this world that you want to do. 

Peace!

Sharon
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6 years ago  ::  Nov 21, 2008 - 5:11PM #8
Chiyo
Posts: 5,799
Excellent advice above, in several posts.

You are grieving and grieving hard. Grief is a process, a well documented one, and it cannot be suppressed or rushed without severe consequences. The most important thing you can do, right now, is get in with a divorce support-group and find a good counselor who can guide you through the grieving process, which can last between 1 and 5 years. For some people, it's longer... I think it really depends on [COLOR=red]you, though. And how much you cooperate with the process, or how much you obstruct it. But that's just my opinion.[/COLOR]
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6 years ago  ::  Nov 26, 2008 - 2:14PM #9
highlyfavored09
Posts: 7
thank you so much..I am doing better as time goes on..holidays are hard because we made so many plans..and my family still does not know-except my parents...everyone tells me I am young I have so much time but I will be 29 next year and i feel like I am starting all over..I want to have kids but I feel like this put me back...especially since I can not even see myself dating anytime soon...I will take the advice of finding a support group though thanks!
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