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5 years ago  ::  Jan 07, 2009 - 6:11PM #1
jvh
Posts: 4
Has anyone gone to counseling or a marriage seminar to deal with infidelity in your marriage? I really want to save my marriage from divorce, and am willing to try whatever it takes. If anyone has an experience from either of these things, positive or negative, I'd love to hear about it!
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5 years ago  ::  Jan 09, 2009 - 2:08AM #2
ArnieBeeGut
Posts: 1,407
jvh,

Welcome to the Divorce & Separation Forum, and sorry for what brought you here.  Since you are struggling with infidelity in your marriage, perhaps you are wondering whether it is worth it or even possible to heal the marriage.

In fact it is quite possible - the most effective place to start in my opinion is a program called Retrouvaille, which you can Google for information.  Many couples have been able to work through all kinds of issues in their marriages, including infidelity with its help.  My wife and I were on the brink of divorce when we went and our marriage is now stronger than ever.

I would say that counseling is very much dependent on the particular counselor you have, and unfortunately many are not that helpful for couples trying to heal - many pressure the couple to in fact divorce.

Although it is possible, it may not happen - at a minimum it takes a genuine desire on both your parts to do so.  It is important for the one who was unfaithful to understand at a gut level the emotional impact on the other.  And it also seems important for the one who was betrayed to recognize the role that they played in what occurred.

You will probably get a variety of different opinions, and I pray you find the resolution that you feel is best for you.

Blessings,
ArnieBeeGut
Beliefnet Community Host
Divorce & Separation
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5 years ago  ::  Jan 09, 2009 - 3:26PM #3
jvh
Posts: 4
I actually found a faith based seminar called A New Beginning that I'm heavily looking into. I think it may be just what my husband and I need to get back on track. I've also looked into Retrouvaille, and hoping God will lead me to one of these that will be the right path for my husband and I. Thanks for the kind words.
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5 years ago  ::  Jan 09, 2009 - 9:51PM #4
ArnieBeeGut
Posts: 1,407
I am unfamiliar with A New Beginning, but it looks to be an excellent program.  I would inquire about follow-up to the weekend intensive, because what tends to happen over time is that the effects dissipate over time without some kind of ongoing support.

A seminar is likely to have a bigger impact in the short term, and counseling is often ineffective as I've mentioned.  The ideal is perhaps a combination - a seminar followed by counseling.

I wish you all the best in healing your marriage!

Blessings,
Arnie
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5 years ago  ::  Jan 13, 2009 - 2:19PM #5
jvh
Posts: 4
I appreciate your candor and advice Annie. I will take that to heart for sure. God bless!
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5 years ago  ::  Jan 13, 2009 - 2:19PM #6
jvh
Posts: 4
I appreciate your candor and advice Annie. I will take that to heart for sure. God bless!
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5 years ago  ::  Jan 14, 2009 - 9:52AM #7
ArnieBeeGut
Posts: 1,407
Thank you jvh.

Have you made a decision yet about what you will be doing?

Please keep us posted as to how you are doing - maybe you would be willing to express some of the difficulties you have been experiencing in your marriage.

Blessings,
Arnie
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5 years ago  ::  Jan 16, 2009 - 11:11AM #8
newkime
Posts: 2
jvh:
I am currently attending marital counseling with my spouse due to infidelity on his part.  Although we have only begun the process I do believe it will be a positive experience regardless of if we reconcile or finalize the divorce.  I would suggest that each of you also attend individual counseling to deal with the personal issues that are pre-existing and those that couples counseling will enlighten.  Be prepared to fully engage and experience all the emotions you about to release.  This will be a long, sometimes joyous, sometimes painful process but if you truly want to learn how you ended up here and are willing to put the effort and forgiveness into the process I think it will be worth every minute.
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5 years ago  ::  Jan 21, 2009 - 4:09PM #9
jvh
Posts: 4
Thanks for the advice newkime. Did you guys look at going to a marriage seminar at all or did you just look into counseling? I'm just curious what other people have done as my husband and I try and make a decision on seminar vs. counseling.
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