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10 years ago  ::  Oct 22, 2008 - 8:14PM #1
DAS918
Posts: 1
The gentleman I am dating & I go out dancing.  I become a bit uncomfortable when other women who we both know  ask him to dance  thereby leaving me sitting alone twiddling my thumbs.  It is social dancing & I don't quite understand the reasoning.  We are both single &most of the women are married & are out without their husbands.  Any advice on overcoming this?  If there were other men that I could also dance with, I wouldn't feel this way.  But with a shortage of decent single men around, I feel like I am in competition & with all things a married woman! This is ruining our relationship.  There is no distrust, just this green eyed monster.
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10 years ago  ::  Oct 22, 2008 - 9:29PM #2
Tmarie64
Posts: 5,277
Does he ask you to dance and you turn him down?
Does he never dance with you? 
Have you told him about this problem? 
Why be jealous over women he dances with?  He takes YOU home, right?
James Thurber - "It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers."
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10 years ago  ::  Oct 23, 2008 - 9:10AM #3
MichWacho1
Posts: 1
I have an issue with jelousy but its not really jealosy I guess its a trust issue.  I love my husband very much but i always feel as though hes going to hurt me.  He has lied to me in the the beginning about something really stupid and small all though he thinks he was protecting me but it hurt to find out that he couldnt tell me.  Its a struggle every day
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10 years ago  ::  Oct 23, 2008 - 9:15AM #4
Sacrificialgoddess
Posts: 9,496

MichWacho1 wrote:

I have an issue with jelousy but its not really jealosy I guess its a trust issue.  I love my husband very much but i always feel as though hes going to hurt me.  He has lied to me in the the beginning about something really stupid and small all though he thinks he was protecting me but it hurt to find out that he couldnt tell me.  Its a struggle every day





How long have you guys been married?

Dark Energy. It can be found in the observable Universe. Found in ratios of 75% more than any other substance. Dark Energy. It can be found in religious extremists, in cheerleaders. To come to the conclusion that Dark signifies mean and malevolent would define 75% of the Universe as an evil force. Alternatively, to think that some cheerleaders don't have razors in their snatch is to be foolishly unarmed.

-- Tori Amos
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10 years ago  ::  Oct 24, 2008 - 7:48AM #5
jessie09
Posts: 41
Welcome to Beliefnet, and the the relationship thread, hope you enjoy your time here. I have had similar experiences.. when I was seeing this lady.. and we were dating, she would see someone she knew, of course she would start talking and never introduce me, her reasoning was "I forgot you were standing there, or I forgot their names". And this was always her attitude toward me when it came to others. Even her grandparents, called me a"thorn". I understand how you feel. Maybe you can work things out.
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10 years ago  ::  Oct 24, 2008 - 7:55AM #6
jessie09
Posts: 41
I remember once when our Church went to an amusement park, with lots of rides and such, this same lady rode all of the rollercoasters, and all of the rides I could not ride, due to my heart condition. I sit on the benches and waited all day. Well we never went back. She was in College later, and when I would go pick her up on weekends, when I walked into her dorm room, she would start speaking in Spanish to her roomate, I cannot speak Spanish and she knew this. I do hope all things work out for you.
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10 years ago  ::  Oct 22, 2008 - 9:27PM #7
DAH54
Posts: 3,318
Hello DAS918 and welcome to Beliefnet and the Relationships & Marriage Board. I hope you find your time here rewarding.

As to your question, it seems to me it comes down to communication, and it's not clear to me if you've actually share with him how you are feeling? My guess is from his point of view, it feels great having two or more women perusing him.  Yes ideally he should be enough in sync with you that you shouldn't have to tell him how bored you feel when he is off dancing with someone else.

It seems to me you can either choose to share your discomfort, decline future invitations to go dancing there, or decide this is a deal breaker for you and move on. If your relationship is strong enough, and safe enough to share your discomfort you will find out how much he values your pleasure. I don't see this so much as about jealousy as I do about respect and caring. IMHO good dating material doesn't behave in such a way as to cause their date to question their worth. {Shrug} I'm sure not everyone will agree with that.

To my mind you are on a date, and he should be focused on you, his date. Not on a lonely married woman, if he is doing this now, how will he treat you later when he is no longer trying to win you?


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