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6 years ago  ::  Oct 05, 2008 - 11:51AM #31
PirateJohn
Posts: 408
[QUOTE=appy20;803848]So, Pirate, it may be that your profile may be rejecting women or they see it that way and reject your profile because they feel that they do not fit what YOU want.[/QUOTE]

Trust me, it isn't that.  I had a lot of people helping me out with my profile and by the end it was as good as it could be.  I even bought a CD-ROM that had videos teaching you how to make great profiles, and it tied into a message board where the guy who made the CD, as well as everyone else who bought it, could critique your profile and tell you how to improve it.

The CD and the message board also helped with how to write initial e-mails, and I ended up using their advice plus some advice of some other friends who do internet dating.  In the end I tried dozens of different combinations of profiles, e-mails, pictures, etc. and still got nothing for it.
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 05, 2008 - 11:54AM #32
PirateJohn
Posts: 408
[QUOTE=appy20;803848]The big problem is still there is no two way matchs.  EVERY single guy that was my match wanted a female who was thin or athletically built.[/QUOTE]

The way their matching works is that when you state your preferences you give a weight (no pun intended) to it.  So you might list "athletic" as a preference but if you list it as not very important in matching, you may get some people outside that range who end up on your match list.

Plus, they show you the match percentage.  Very, very few people are going to match 100%, but you can get people who match, say, 92% on your mutual match search.
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 05, 2008 - 1:30PM #33
appy20
Posts: 10,165
I put as my preference as "any" because size does not matter to me. I listed it as no importance at all.    I get only guys who want small women.

One problem, touching on what Hip says.  I do believe that two people cannot have a meaningful conversation when there is more than 10 points IQ difference between them.  Guys are very respectful of ideas they don't understand.  When they aren't bright, then tend to understand less.  Guys are very competitive and when a woman is considerably brighter than he is, he does not always react gracefully.  No matter how tactful and considerate you may be with him.  Howevever, there are few guys that are genuinely bright that make minimum wage. Nowadays, and in the last decade, wtih the economy so challenging, there are ample exceptions to that.  But generally.  Money does not matter. It is more important to me to have a bright guy who can appreciate a bright woman--no matter the income.  But.  Bright guys geherally do make more money and prefer women who are physically above average.  The more money he makes, the choosier he is.  That leaves us bright women with the guys that we can't have a conversation with.
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 05, 2008 - 11:48PM #34
lil_lamb
Posts: 2,898
well, i've said this before: if you stop and think about it, it isn't that a lot of men can't handle smart women. it's that a lot of people in general are really uncomfortable with smart people. it's hard to keep up and be a team.

and when you're smart, there will be a point where you will break down and scoff. your exasperation will come through. smart people can be truly unpleasant for others to be around. high performance people can also be unpleasant in the same way. even when the smart aren't accidentally slamming the normal, the normal can still feel that they're dead weight around the smart person's neck.

i will also say this: smart, high performance people run the risk of bringing a certain bad attitude of competition and demandingness into relationships. you know, be judgemental and analytical when what they should be doing is stroking someone's arm. it can be really hard to switch gears.

i had a boss i worked with for many years. i was smart and he was the talented salesman. we were a good team in some ways and a crummy one in others. a salesman needs to feel good and confident to make his pitches successfully. my brilliant analyses really did the opposite of helping him in that arena.
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 06, 2008 - 9:15AM #35
appy20
Posts: 10,165
Generally women are more comfortable dating men who are smarter than they are than the other way around.  Women don't like other smart women but they bend over backwards for smart men.
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 06, 2008 - 9:35AM #36
Hipi75
Posts: 220
I'm certified in drawing.  (Technically it's drafting, but drawing is drawing.)  Whoo, threatening.  I can draw better than you... boogedy boogedy.
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 06, 2008 - 3:27PM #37
lil_lamb
Posts: 2,898
[QUOTE=appy20;806399]Generally women are more comfortable dating men who are smarter than they are than the other way around.  Women don't like other smart women but they bend over backwards for smart men.[/QUOTE]

what's the data? correct me if i'm wrong, but don't husbands and wives tend to be relatively similar in terms of IQ?

although, i've seen studies where perceived IQ is a different matter.

anyways, regardless of studies, i don't know. i'm a total airhead, but i squeaked into the genius IQ level. in grammar school, there were maybe five of us "smart kids" out of 35. we got isolated in a corner to study extra things. that's not many options. seems to me, if we wanted to get out of the corner, we'd have to spend most of our time talking to "not smart" kids. good lord, i seem even to remember childhood (and yes, childish) debates about how to do this, how to get along and the value of it. i've probably dated two men who were smarter than me. this group does not include the scientist i went out with. the smartest of these two men was a drop out. i've never been fired from a romance for being too smart. true, i've gotten complaints, but honestly, i can't see there was a difference from the usual complaints i get.

and if anything, i also don't like people who are too smart. it's a pain in the a$$. no one likes to stuck on a pin and examined. and really, i find not-smart people much more forgiving when it comes quirks like this. they just tune the babbling out. smart people fight.

i think when you actually get into genuinely smart, the whole game changes. you have trouble getting along in general. man or woman, you can't find enough people in your actual life to test any of these theories about IQ and compatibility satisfactorily. you either suck it up or drop out.
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 06, 2008 - 3:51PM #38
appy20
Posts: 10,165
I don't find not smart people forgiving.  I find the opposite.  As for most people marrying similar IQs well if you consider that MOST people have average IQs that would be a tough one to work out mathematically.  Statistically Most people are average so they are more likely to be married/date average.

I have never been fired from a romance either for being too smart. I have rejected a few that wanted a relationship with me but were dreadfully unpleasant about it  I dated one guy about the same intelligence as me and one who was smarter. I was in love with several who were smarter.  Intelligence had nothing to do with the failure of the relationship.

While I was in the gifted class and all my friends in school were gifted, as a child I played with kids in the neighborhood with all IQs.  My best friend and I have about the same IQ.  My female friends tend to be in gifted range.  Some are smarter than I am.  Even when working with male superiors, I have had to work hard to dumb down.  Yeah, there are studies on this.  It has been years since I have seen them and I think some of it is changing.  In my age group, males tend to date women who are not as smart as they are but will SAY they are smart.  In fact, the dumber and more submissive a woman is, the smarter she seems to the males I know.
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 06, 2008 - 4:06PM #39
appy20
Posts: 10,165
Oh, if you don't think dumb people fight, you should visit a redneck trailer park on Saturday night. LOL
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 07, 2008 - 12:37AM #40
lil_lamb
Posts: 2,898
[QUOTE=appy20;807290]Oh, if you don't think dumb people fight, you should visit a redneck trailer park on Saturday night. LOL[/QUOTE]

ok. now wait. that's totally different. no no, i didn't mean dumb people don't fight. i meant they don't bother to get their blood up when ya' start babbling about, oh say, the role of the humanities in the production of wealth. they just laugh and shake their heads, and rightly so.

and really, the saturday night brawl in the trailer park totally shows the clarity that not-smart people have. someone insulting your football team, or your lazy good-for-nothing fat behind, is clearly justified reason for a dust up.

oh yes.

anyways, my 1/2 boyfriend is over 50. on the other hand, he gets an honorary slacker card. so i don't know. his dad, now, like other same-generation and same-class friends' dads i know, was a piece of work. king of the castle and all that jazz. but all the moms were/are quite smart in comparison; there was just all this posturing on the dads' part.

on the third hand ('cuz i'm martian), i'm way smarter than 1/2 b.f. let's just be honest. facts are facts. so, IQ being highly heritable, his parents were probably just like him... and they're all milling about together in that humongous average range... and well...

... so ok, i'm a bad godmother. i'm sitting here today listening to one of my godkids natter on about how her boyfriend appreciates her because she's strong and smart. he tells her so. and i'm thinking to myself, ah, that's really interesting... because truth is, neither one of them are that sharp.

last word: i do believe men appreciate "submissive" women. i believe that's because many men can't even begin to compete with women verbally, so when they find a woman who can wait patiently enough for them to get their thoughts out without all this back-and-forth conversation stuff, she's automatically gold in their books. wait patiently and then not slam 'em for missing the freeway exit, because she got him talking.
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