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7 years ago  ::  Jun 16, 2008 - 3:23PM #1
dakota
Posts: 126
I'm waiting on the reply from my lawyer. He said, he would let me know by Wednesday. I'm hoping the ex just goes for my amount so this can end. I'm almost ready to give in but, no I need to keep strong.
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7 years ago  ::  Jun 16, 2008 - 3:16PM #2
Hatman
Posts: 9,634
Dakota-
If he let the place go to wrack and ruin, that's on him; his choice to do poor-to-no maintenance does not mean you should be cheated.

I wonder if you can get a court order pursuant to the divorce decree that would compel him to allow a photographer entrance so that the damages could be documented?

Hopefully, it won't come to that; if you've made what you consider to be a fair counteroffer and he rejects it, then you may have to take sterner measures; but whatever you do, don't roll over and reward him for his laziness, etc.

Warmest regards-

Hatman
"History records that the moneychangers have used every form of abuse, deceit, intrigue, and violent means possible to maintain their control over governments by controlling money and it's issuance."
-- James Madison(1751-1836), Father of the Constitution for the USA, 4th US President
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7 years ago  ::  Jun 16, 2008 - 2:06PM #3
sharon_bivens
Posts: 658
Well, I kind of ran into a similiar situation.  My ex did the same thing to me....

I was so upset though and my family said take the money and let it go.  Walk away.
It was tough, but that is what I did.

Make sure you have checked into all of his assets.  You are entitled to half!!  Half!
Mine had profit sharing through his job, so that helped balance the house sale some. 

Good luck! 

Sharon
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7 years ago  ::  Jun 14, 2008 - 6:31PM #4
dakota
Posts: 126
I am going through a divorce. My dilema is, I left the home and have been gone for 6 years now. I just started the divorce 2 years ago. Since I left my ex has let the property go to shreds. It is a disgrace to tell you the truth. Well, the lawyer said, that he either has to sell or buy me out. He refuses to sell, so he said, he will buy me out. He offered me a very low amount. I know the property needs alot of work but, I'm also not stupid. Let me add, the main reason I left after 34 years was his controlling and emotional abuse toward me. I could not take another day of it. I had to leave. So you see, i'm not sure if this is another way of him trying to control me by trying to belittle me with this offer. I'm just a bit confused at this point. I hate confrontation and I don't want to go to court I just want it over. Am I wrong for thinking I should go for more money or should I just take it and move on?
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7 years ago  ::  Jun 14, 2008 - 6:40PM #5
Hatman
Posts: 9,634
Dakota-
If I were you, the first thing I'd do is go to the county tax records and see what it's valuation is, taking a copy for yourself.
Next, I'd call some local RE agents, and see what similar properties in similar locations are going for, and see if you can get the assessment in writing.
Third, I'd come up with a reasonable compromise between these two, and mail(return receipt requested)the counteroffer to him, including copies of the above two reports. 

This will let him know you're on the ball, and also that you have this info ready to present to a court, should it become necessary
.
If he's definitely low-balling you, then you may have to go to court; battling for your rights is never wrong, unless this was his house before you got married, or he contributed more to the maintenance, upkeep, and mortgage payments than yourself, imho; bottom line is to be reasonable and fair, but not a doormat---again, imho.

Warmest regards-

Hatman
"History records that the moneychangers have used every form of abuse, deceit, intrigue, and violent means possible to maintain their control over governments by controlling money and it's issuance."
-- James Madison(1751-1836), Father of the Constitution for the USA, 4th US President
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7 years ago  ::  Jun 14, 2008 - 8:32PM #6
dakota
Posts: 126
Thanks Hatman, well I did the assesment as you have mentioned. I asked a realestate office to do it and they sent it to his lawyer. My ex said, " Isn't that funny they never set foot in this house, so it is not correct.". He is trying to make the house as deplorable as possible hoping that will bring the value of the property down. I then asked the lawyer what's next and he said, " we will have to have someone go into the house". I said, "Can you call his lawyer and ask for another amount which is still what I would consider below market value but, I'm willing to do that." So as of now I'm waiting to see what happens. I'm hoping he goes for this so that this isn't dragged out more and more. Doesn't he realize this cost more and more money and for what? Thankyou for your perspective on this. I appreciate it. It's very hard when your in the eye of the storm to see sometimes. Ya know? I'm trying. I really do want to be fair but as you said, "not be a doormat.".
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7 years ago  ::  Jun 14, 2008 - 8:35PM #7
dakota
Posts: 126
The funny thing is, he has no mortgage on it and never did. My dad passed away and my mom sold her home and we sold our home and bought this one together. My mom passed away so in reality it's probably more mine anyway. I'm not even bringing that into it though.
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7 years ago  ::  Jun 15, 2008 - 1:40PM #8
AttitudeIsEverything
Posts: 187
Dakota,

I hope this works out for you and the amount you get is fair.  Since it appears the home is more yours than his because of how it was purchased, I hope the lawyers don't drag it out and build up their fees just to settle this.

I understand your point about not wanting this issue to be yet another instance where your ex has control, and money or assets can be a key factor in divorce. Often, people fight until the last dime is split, and emotionally pay far more than any financial gain.

Still, if he is not agreeable about your latest offer, be strong and get what you feel is rightfully yours.  Good luck.
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7 years ago  ::  Jun 16, 2008 - 7:02PM #9
AttitudeIsEverything
Posts: 187
Dakota,

Yes it's tempting to give in and have it over with....but maybe your ex knows your prior "breaking point" so to speak and is waiting for that.  Patience, patience.

At some time in any divorce, it's almost like a chess game, strategy is important. So while waiting to hear, you might want to mull over what the next logical step may be depending on a, b, or c to his reaction and response.

Doing it now may help more than after you know his answer, since emotion always plays it's part too. You want to do the best thing for yourself, both financially and emotionally so that you don't regret it or kick yourself later.
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7 years ago  ::  Jun 16, 2008 - 7:02PM #10
AttitudeIsEverything
Posts: 187
Dakota,

Yes it's tempting to give in and have it over with....but maybe your ex knows your prior "breaking point" so to speak and is waiting for that.  Patience, patience.

At some time in any divorce, it's almost like a chess game, strategy is important. So while waiting to hear, you might want to mull over what the next logical step may be depending on a, b, or c to his reaction and response.

Doing it now may help more than after you know his answer, since emotion always plays it's part too. You want to do the best thing for yourself, both financially and emotionally so that you don't regret it or kick yourself later.
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