Chanel wrote:

I'm about to start divorce proceedings because I'm just tired.

Probably not one of the better reasons to start a divorce, depending on just what you mean by tired...

Chanel wrote:

About 2 years after we got married we got costody of his then 17 year old daughter. she came with lots of emotional scars and I did my best to be a true mother to her however, my spouse did nothing to help.

Absolutes such as this statement are a great way to enable your self to leave a marriage. They seldom are an honest evaluation, why do you need to exaggerate the situation?

Chanel wrote:

I was hospitalized and on my release, my doctor told me to get the family to do more so I could do less. I had been doing all the cooking, laundry, & ironing for everyone. My spouse promised to help but didn't. Ouch!

So you did what? Continued to do his laundry & ironing? As well as your step daughter's laundry and ironing? Continued to cook for everyone?

Chanel wrote:

We had to take in 2 grandsons so our finances were really being stretched. I started an online business to help us financially and my spouse let it fail.

You started it? You ran it? You were in charge? And your husband let it fail? It really sounds like you don't respect your husband very much?

Chanel wrote:

Why? It wasn't HIS idea. (That's what he said!). There's never any productive dialogue because he rarely talks. He's happy to just work, watch TV, and eat.

Then you don't know how to communicate in a language he understands. You have failed to learn how to set boundaries that are realistic and enforce them. You will not fix this by exchanging your husband for a new and improved model. This is truly a skill you need to learn....

Chanel wrote:

I've only been married about 7 years and this is my first marriage. He's been married twice before.

Well this is the marriage you find yourself in at the moment and focusing on his faults, will not help this marriage. You can not change him in ways that you desire. You can hope to change you, and learn the skills that allows you to have a happy marriage. You are teaching people how to treat you daily by the things that you accept. There are issues of power and just who is in charge in your relationship. You need to learn how to correctly address these issues, before you will find happiness.

Chanel wrote:

I want out! I've gone back to school and am 7 classes away from my B.A. in Business Admin. and I work a full time job. I understand working together and through rough times but this is more than just the times being rough. Tell me what you think, please?!?

I think you need to take an honest hard look at yourself. I think you need to address the less than fully truthful things you maybe telling yourself, and the real reasons why you are telling yourself these things. I think you need to learn how to fight effectively, not just hurtfully. If your husband "loses" the fight then the marriage loses as well. You need to find the way in which both you and your husband can win. Perhaps you both need to decide what is important winning the fight and being right tonight, or the marriage?



.