happyhour wrote:

i live in palm beach county.

recently seperated (sept 08)

property taxes are due and we customarily paid them from the monies of one particular rental.
year after year, we put this one rentals monies into an acct. for the sole purpose of paying the property taxes.
now my spouse says since that particular rental is in his name only, he does not want to use it towards the property

we wants me to pay for half of the taxes instead.

This sounds like him wanting to punish you for leaving him(or whatever); iow, vindictive.  Maybe try to get him on tape admitting that in all previous years, the income from that rental had been set aside specifically to pay property tax bills with, or whatever other evidence you can locate, like canceled checks; I'd say that chances are high that if this has been a customary practice AND YOU CAN PROVE IT, judges will have a tendency to rule in your favor.

do i have to go to court?

Maybe; check with local legal advisers, as state-to-state laws vary so much.

would a court honor the fact that since we were together most of the year and that we did not use this rental monies for any other expenses as we used the other rental monies for our bill.

Usually, in court, they rely on what can be proven by the plaintiff or admitted by the defendant.

i feel we should proceed to use those monies as always and start new next year.
what should i do.

Perhaps do a pro-rating, and make a fair counter-offer.

i am trying to stay in the love and pray he changes his mind.

I will join you in prayer, but legally, he may have a point---and even more so if he's been shouldering most of the financial load during the entirety of your relationship.  Maybe he's trying to get you to pay your fair share.

but i am trying to be realistic here.  i hate to get attorneys involved when i trusted a mediator would be enough.

I agree that if the issue can be mediated, it will be far better than if attorneys are involved.  However, if there is a pending divorce, the divorce decree will be THE document to which all further litigation will defer.  Be certain to get everything you want put in that decree, and who is responsible for what debt, too.

Don't know if Palm Beach county is in Florida or California, but if you're in a no-fault state, equitable distribution includes both assets AND debts.  If the property in question was acquired during the marriage, whether it's solely in his name or not, you're entitled to half of it's worth, I think.  Again, I'm no attorney, and reliance on advice from the general populace is not a good thing to do as regards legal matters, especially real estate, generally.

That said, suppose that he pays his half of the prop. taxes, and you do not.  The State won't give a crap that you didn't pay your half; since the property is in his name only, it is FROM him that they'll TAKE it if those ain't paid.

Warmest regards-

Hatman

happyhour wrote:

good points...especially since some propertys are in his name only and some mine. as well as some both. 

also, just to clarify, we always split EVERYTHING 50/50.  and the last seven years, i was the one who made approx. 70% higher finances...last 3 he gained an inheritance so he hasent been working much at all anymore...all the while i continue to work to stay financially successful. 

Interesting.  As a totally tangential point, I have seen situations in the past where when a woman is making substantially less than her husband, the financial arrangements are tilted such that HE pays more.

[QUOTE]on this tax subject, after he rambled on w/ his objectives about how he feels, he finally angry agreed to split the taxes..using the rental money towards the taxes.[/QUOTE]
Well, glad he finally saw reason, even if he did kick against it awhile.
[QUOTE]that but a weirder feeling for tomorrow thanksgiving...as i wanted him to be here w/ our children...at least stop by...but he continues to act the victim and wont come over.[/QUOTE]
This may be him saying, in effect, "Well, you won that battle, but I'm going to win the next one" even if in order TO "win" he has to burn his house down.  Hard to argue with that kind of "logic."
[QUOTE]funny, he's always been the most reasonable person i've ever known.  and now he' aacting like a victim.  p.s. he told me i should leave...so i did. [/QUOTE]
His feelings have been hurt for some reason; maybe he LIKES not having to work as much or as hard, and is afraid that his inheritance will soon run out so that he'll HAVE to go back to work, and this is at the real root of the difficulty.
[QUOTE]he never ask me to come back. he has stated he will never cry over me.  he's so nonconfrontaional that he wont ever fight for our marriage....fight for me. [/QUOTE]
Well, that's what he says to your face.  What he does in the lonely hours of the night when there's no one there to see?  Probably a lot different.  Maybe you might consider making an overture to him after a few days, in a kindly, gentle way, something simple like "I love you and miss you, and I'm sorry we argued"...if that's true, even to the slightest degree, that is.  No need to add any more; after words similar to those, hold your peace and listen to the reaction.
[QUOTE]nonetheless, i'm trying to handle all this divorce, as a business and thats makes it easier to demand the respect i deserve.  [/QUOTE]
Well, the trouble with this approach is the "nothing personal---just business" attitude is often a facade behind which cruelty can be excused---not that this is what you're doing.  It's smart, imo, to remove as many emotions as possible from a divorce proceeding, and I hope that this is what you mean, here.  I agree that no one should accept disrespect, but there are different ways to deal with that.  Try to find the humor in it, small though it may be.
[QUOTE]i have realized i was co-dependent...when all my life, i've always considered myself the most independent women i've ever known.   [/QUOTE]
I don't know what you mean by "co-dependent" here, unless there was something negative he was doing that you were tacitly agreeing with, if only because you weren't DISagreeing with what he was up to.

God bless you for your insight...for your ear...for you time.  happy thanksgiving!

And God bless you right back, abundantly.  Thanks for the good wishes.  May they be multiplied and returned to you!
Warmest regards-

Hatman

happyhour wrote:

good points...especially since some propertys are in his name only and some mine. as well as some both. 

also, just to clarify, we always split EVERYTHING 50/50.  and the last seven years, i was the one who made approx. 70% higher finances...last 3 he gained an inheritance so he hasent been working much at all anymore...all the while i continue to work to stay financially successful. 

Interesting.  As a totally tangential point, I have seen situations in the past where when a woman is making substantially less than her husband, the financial arrangements are tilted such that HE pays more.

[QUOTE]on this tax subject, after he rambled on w/ his objectives about how he feels, he finally angry agreed to split the taxes..using the rental money towards the taxes.[/QUOTE]
Well, glad he finally saw reason, even if he did kick against it awhile.
[QUOTE]that but a weirder feeling for tomorrow thanksgiving...as i wanted him to be here w/ our children...at least stop by...but he continues to act the victim and wont come over.[/QUOTE]
This may be him saying, in effect, "Well, you won that battle, but I'm going to win the next one" even if in order TO "win" he has to burn his house down.  Hard to argue with that kind of "logic."
[QUOTE]funny, he's always been the most reasonable person i've ever known.  and now he' aacting like a victim.  p.s. he told me i should leave...so i did. [/QUOTE]
His feelings have been hurt for some reason; maybe he LIKES not having to work as much or as hard, and is afraid that his inheritance will soon run out so that he'll HAVE to go back to work, and this is at the real root of the difficulty.
[QUOTE]he never ask me to come back. he has stated he will never cry over me.  he's so nonconfrontaional that he wont ever fight for our marriage....fight for me. [/QUOTE]
Well, that's what he says to your face.  What he does in the lonely hours of the night when there's no one there to see?  Probably a lot different.  Maybe you might consider making an overture to him after a few days, in a kindly, gentle way, something simple like "I love you and miss you, and I'm sorry we argued"...if that's true, even to the slightest degree, that is.  No need to add any more; after words similar to those, hold your peace and listen to the reaction.
[QUOTE]nonetheless, i'm trying to handle all this divorce, as a business and thats makes it easier to demand the respect i deserve.  [/QUOTE]
Well, the trouble with this approach is the "nothing personal---just business" attitude is often a facade behind which cruelty can be excused---not that this is what you're doing.  It's smart, imo, to remove as many emotions as possible from a divorce proceeding, and I hope that this is what you mean, here.  I agree that no one should accept disrespect, but there are different ways to deal with that.  Try to find the humor in it, small though it may be.
[QUOTE]i have realized i was co-dependent...when all my life, i've always considered myself the most independent women i've ever known.   [/QUOTE]
I don't know what you mean by "co-dependent" here, unless there was something negative he was doing that you were tacitly agreeing with, if only because you weren't DISagreeing with what he was up to.

God bless you for your insight...for your ear...for you time.  happy thanksgiving!

And God bless you right back, abundantly.  Thanks for the good wishes.  May they be multiplied and returned to you!
Warmest regards-

Hatman

Chanel wrote:

I'm about to start divorce proceedings because I'm just tired.  About 2 years after we got married we got costody of his then 17 year old daughter.  she came with lots of emotional scars and I did my best to be a true mother to her however, my spouse did nothing to help.  I was hospitalized and on my release, my doctor told me to get the family to do more so I could do less.  I had been doing all the cooking, laundry, & ironing for everyone.  My spouse promised to help but didn't. Ouch! 

We had to take in 2 grandsons so our finances were really being stretched.  I started an online business to help us financially and my spouse let it fail. Why?  It wasn't HIS idea. (That's what he said!).  There's never any productive dialogue because he rarely talks.  He's happy to just work, watch TV, and eat.

I've only been married about 7 years and this is my first marriage.  He's been married twice before.

I want out!  I've gone back to school and am 7 classes away from my B.A. in Business Admin. and I work a full time job.  I understand working together and through rough times but this is more than just the times being rough.  Tell me what you think, please?!?

Here's one thing I think:  "Cain't nobody take advantage of you unless you let 'em."

Here's another:  "You teach people how to treat you by what you will or will not accept."

I think that if I were in your shoes, I'd write all the chores down and insist on a "family meeting."  Hand everyone a list of the chores that need doing, and tell them that they are to choose which ones they want to do, but that they MUST pick at least five(or more, depending on how many chores need doing regularly)---and that the first one who hands their list in gets to do what they've picked, and the rest have to do what's left over.  Have a "chore chart" made out of a good-sized piece of white cardboard or something, and little boxes where the various things can be checked off(or something like that), with maybe some rewards for completing them(like "Pizza Nite!") and nothing for those who do not contribute.  Put it up on a tripod, staple it to a wall, stick it to the refrigerator, whatever.

If you're not listened to or rejected or ignored or they laugh at you and your ideas, have your escape pre-planned.  Assuming you've found a friend or relative willing to put you up for 4-6 weeks, take your bags, and go.  If it so happens that  no one like that exists, find out what monthly rates are available at a B&B or hotel/motel anywhere near your job, save up(or borrow, if possible) the necessary dough, and again, get out.  Let 'em miss you.  Let the chores and the filth pile up until they realize that it ain't gonna git done until one of them gets up and does it.  IOW, let 'em miss you and beg you to come back, at which time you can say, "Ok, I'll come back, but first you gotta agree to (a,b,c, etc.), IN WRITING, sign it and date it."  Then if you come back and everyone expects things to go right back to how they were before you left, pack up again and leave again, maybe permanently, this time, and visit www.divorcecare.com, find a meeting near you, and go---with all your questions.

It's been my experience that whenever anyone feels like they're carrying WAY more than their share of the load, resentments build...so maybe you could start off the family meeting by saying, "I feel like I'm carrying WAY too much of the load around here," then list what you do every day/week, etc., and how you need help.  Be willing to listen to what loads the others are bearing, too, but be sure to ask what they feel they can do to help---even(or especially) the grandchildren, who need an example that proves that people working together can get a lot done in a short amount of time...but that people who "let George do it" end up as lazy slobs or worse.

Warmest regards-

Hatman