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Switch to Forum Live View public humiliation week! or how to respond to insults
10 years ago  ::  Nov 22, 2008 - 4:42PM #1
blue_girl
Posts: 3
yes it was public humiliation week for me last week. It ended last night in a finale which can only be described as  "breathtaking"
I was in a bar with my friend and a man came marching up to us. 'you're beautiful' he said to my friend. She is actually. What a nice compliment, I thought. Then he turned to me and said- "sorry but she is" Puzzled, I asked him why he was apologizing and he said "you're - well...." and pulled his face, in an expression I recognized as one I make when Im considering buying an out of date, slightly squashed cake. 'but, she...' he continued in this vein for several minutes. Complimenting my friend and giving me pitying looks and saying 'sorry' to me. Eventually he staggered off and then got into a fight, culminating in him being launched onto our table, smashing all our drinks and coating us in a spray of beer which made us stink like alcos all night. Karma.
Earlier in the week another friend was talking about having a balanced life and said "what if someone had a great career and a shit love life", then stopped and looked all strange. What? I said,  -sorry, says she. What for?. Then I realized, she thinks I have a shit love life and pities me for not having a partner. What is it with these people? Or maybe I'm deluded because I feel great most of the time until people act like that. Anyway, the upshot is, I never really know quite how to react when people are so rude and undermining of me. I try and laugh it off but maybe I should be more assertive. What would you do?
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10 years ago  ::  Nov 22, 2008 - 5:36PM #2
lil_lamb
Posts: 2,898
excuse me for inappropriate laughter - but LOL.

hon, i got to tell ya something - you got to step back and look at the big picture. i think the universe IS telling you something about yourself: you are surrounded by people with issues.

these are people who are trying to manage themselves by managing you + one psycho in a bar.

this is a rule: you can be friendly to people with problems, but you cannot be friends. you can help them, but you cannot expect worthwhile collaboration .

i would find a new pub.
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10 years ago  ::  Nov 22, 2008 - 6:08PM #3
Tmarie64
Posts: 5,277
Perhaps you should go to a better class of bar...
Sounds like real low class scumbags hang there...
James Thurber - "It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers."
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10 years ago  ::  Nov 23, 2008 - 2:51AM #4
Hatman
Posts: 9,954

blue_girl wrote:

yes it was public humiliation week for me last week. It ended last night in a finale which can only be described as  "breathtaking"
I was in a bar with my friend and a man came marching up to us. 'you're beautiful' he said to my friend. She is actually. What a nice compliment, I thought. Then he turned to me and said- "sorry but she is" Puzzled, I asked him why he was apologizing and he said "you're - well...." and pulled his face, in an expression I recognized as one I make when Im considering buying an out of date, slightly squashed cake. 'but, she...' he continued in this vein for several minutes. Complimenting my friend and giving me pitying looks and saying 'sorry' to me. Eventually he staggered off and then got into a fight, culminating in him being launched onto our table, smashing all our drinks and coating us in a spray of beer which made us stink like alcos all night. Karma.


First, ouch.  Sorry you had to go through that.  Maybe consider telling the next jackass something like "a mirror never reveals real beauty...and your eyes lie to you all the time---would you like a Supermodel?  Naomi Campbell would like to whack you upside the head with some truth about 'beauty', you know"---that is, if you feel like arguing with a drunk.

I read a great book awhile back called "The Four Agreements."  One of these agreements is "Don't take anything personally."  Yeah, that's probably the hardest one for me to understand and deal with, too, but the author, Don Miguel Ruiz(iirc) makes a good point---that those who insult, betray, lie, steal, malign, belittle, or otherwise abuse you do so because of THEIR problems, NOT YOURS, and you never have to own ANYTHING of what they say or do.

Earlier in the week another friend was talking about having a balanced life and said "what if someone had a great career and a shit love life", then stopped and looked all strange. What? I said,  -sorry, says she. What for?. Then I realized, she thinks I have a shit love life and pities me for not having a partner. What is it with these people? Or maybe I'm deluded because I feel great most of the time until people act like that. Anyway, the upshot is, I never really know quite how to react when people are so rude and undermining of me. I try and laugh it off but maybe I should be more assertive. What would you do?

Yeah, I agree, you're surrounded by idiots who think you're ugly and make assumptions about you based solely on your appearance.  It's easy to say "blow 'em off," but words hurt.  One of my friends, on hearing something of this nature, would ask "Aren't you gonna kiss me, first?"  When they reply with a puzzled expression or ask wth he's talking about, he'd reply "I usually get kissed before I get screwed."  Perhaps something similar will occur to you as a "snappy comeback."

So having a good sense of humor, and/or picking up on a few retorts to feed these insensitive clods can---if not change their minds---at least make you feel better, like you're standing up for yourself. 

Here are maybe a few examples:

"Last time I saw a mouth that big, it had a hook in it."
"When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you."
"You know...I'm tryin' to see things from your point of view, but I can't stick my head that far up my ass."
"You're multitalented, I see; you can talk and piss me off at the same time."
"You!  Off my planet!"
"Too many freaks...not enough circuses."
"Let me guess...your parents are cousins?"
"My imaginary friend thinks you have some serious mental problems."
"Been diving in the shallow end of the gene pool?"
"I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce."
"How 'bout a little less talk, and a lot more shut-the-hell-up?"
"You should come with a warning label."
"Shhh! Listen!  (pause)  That's the sound of no one caring WHAT you think."
"If it weren't for the gutter, your mind would be homeless."
"I'm impressed!  I've never seen such a small mind in such a giant head before..."

Googling "Snappy Comebacks" will turn up lots more.

And again, sorry for what you went through.  Good to know that people reveal their true characters if you just let them run their mouths enough, though...

Warmest regards-

Hatman

"History records that the moneychangers have used every form of abuse, deceit, intrigue, and violent means possible to maintain their control over governments by controlling money and it's issuance."
-- James Madison(1751-1836), Father of the Constitution for the USA, 4th US President
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10 years ago  ::  Nov 23, 2008 - 7:53AM #5
Tmarie64
Posts: 5,277

BarĂ°i wrote:


Ok I'm done here. Next week I think I should be nice and supportive no matter what.


You may think you should... But you won't.  :D

James Thurber - "It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers."
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10 years ago  ::  Nov 23, 2008 - 1:48PM #6
blue_girl
Posts: 3
i like the witty riposte idea...i need to think of a few more. The best one I ever heard was when me and my friend saw an old classmate from school. She was a total bitch then, but we thought we would give her a chance and she came over, looked my friend up and down and shrieked "Oh its you! Didn't you used to be REEEEEALLY fat?". To which my friend replied "Hi, didnt you used to be REEEEALLY thin? It was pure class, she didn't say much after that!
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10 years ago  ::  Nov 23, 2008 - 3:40PM #7
lil_lamb
Posts: 2,898
[QUOTE]"I usually get kissed before I get screwed."[/QUOTE]

that's funny.

altho, i like the "totally non-comprehending but sweet look" best. it's very hard to do on cue, but it makes it clear how weird the other person is being and that they need to rethink themselves.
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10 years ago  ::  Nov 24, 2008 - 12:40AM #8
frankieestep
Posts: 682
Isn't this when we should say "Oh damn the luck!!!  I left my give a shit face at home today!!"

Or how about "You're disgusting, I'm busy.  Have a nice day."

Then there's always "Aren't they missing you on the home planet tonight?"

Or you could just smile and say " My mamma told me not to talk to strangers.  I've never seen anything stranger than you!"

Or maybe "Have you SEEN a mirror lately????"

I could go  on, but I think you see the point.  Why should their opinion matter???  Do they sign your paycheck?? Do they pay your bills???  Do they even clean up the dog poop in your yard??? Life is much too short to care what strangers think. 

My opinion of ME is much more important!!!!!!  Am I honest?  Am I compassionate?  Do I have integrity??  Do I have strength of character?  Am I doing what is right with my God and me?  Do I treat animals humanely and care for the environment?  Do I show my caring for others? 

If you answered "yes" to any of the above, why care what some drunken slob in a bar thinks of you???
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10 years ago  ::  Nov 24, 2008 - 9:08AM #9
appy20
Posts: 10,165
I agree with all of the above.  When I was younger, that kind of stuff really hurt. I now expect it and can take it without batting an eye.  I usually say something like,  "GOOD!  that works out well because I like intelligent and normal."
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10 years ago  ::  Nov 24, 2008 - 1:39PM #10
Victorias_First_Secret
Posts: 54
"Eventually he staggered off and then got into a fight..."

That right there should tell you something about the person with the big mouth.  Don't take it personal when the words are coming from an ass's mouth.

I love everyone's comebacks here!  Maybe you should try to hang out with a different class of people that don't come from the bottom of the gene pool.
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